20 teachings from the school of ZEN

Washerman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 2301

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 13:16

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.. In fact, just pi** off and leave me alone.



2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.



3.. No one is listening until you fart.



4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.



5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet..



6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.



7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.



8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.



9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.



10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

Washerman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 2301

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 13:16

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.



12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.



13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.



14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.



15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.



16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.



17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.



18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.



19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse .... then things just keep getting worse.



20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night



Any more.......

oceana


Joined: 12/07/2010
Posts: 395

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 13:46

Washerman, I enjoyed reading it! )

Washerman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 2301

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 13:54

21. It's easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than it is for you to get your Kochan in Northern Cyprus.

zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:03

We are more often treacherous through weakness than through calculation.



A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure



Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop



Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.



Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow.



Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying



There's more to the truth than just the facts.



If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?



I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying.

binary_choice



Joined: 20/03/2009
Posts: 68

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:06

very nice, keep it up

Washerman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 2301

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:19

A little bird ignored all the others when they said he should fly South for winter. He stayed in his tree passing the time of day. On the second day, it felt quite cold and on the third, it was freezing. He decided to fly South after all.



Unfortunately, he had left it too late and as he flew, his wings froze solid, he fell to the ground in the middle of a field.



Just as he was taking his last gasped breath, a cow passed by, stopped and promptly pooped right on top of him.



The little bird was cursing is bad luck, but then realised that the warmth of the poop was bringing him back to fitness.



He thought it wont be long before I'm warm enough to have another go at flying South. He was so happy, that he started to chirp rejoicing.



A cat heard him chirping, dug him out and swallowed him whole!



There are 3 morals to this story:-.........................cont

Washerman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 2301

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:19

...................



1. Someone that puts you in the s**t isn't always your enemy



2. Someone that gets you out of the s**t isn't necessarily your friend



3. If you do get in the s**t, keep your mouth shut!

zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:22

very nice and very true!

oceana


Joined: 12/07/2010
Posts: 395

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:28

I agree, I heard this one before and it is very true as zerochlor said.

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:48

I am on holiday in Japan at the moment and I heard so much about Zen Budism from our guide that I thought I had enough but this thread put it in the language I could understand

ismet

Quarmby


Joined: 15/09/2008
Posts: 975

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:50

Paul

nice of you to share your experiences of living in the TRNC!

Washerman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 2301

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 14:54

Hi Ray, hope you and the Missus are both OK. Tell me again how did you escape?

Quarmby


Joined: 15/09/2008
Posts: 975

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 15:04

You think you have it bad over there. We all have our crosses to bear, how do think a Lancashire lad feels living in Yorkshire?

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 15:21

When life is like being up to the neck in a barrel of do do and it continues to fling turds at you, should you duck ?

zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 16:48

"im going to do the lottery next week"



because i need the money!

Wiaah


Joined: 12/09/2010
Posts: 45

Message Posted:
12/09/2010 17:22

keep your friends close and your enemies closer !