A few Puns to Lighten Your Day

japeal



Joined: 12/09/2008
Posts: 1052

Message Posted:
06/02/2009 08:35

These are just too “punny”. Enjoy!



1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

He acquired his size from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .



3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.



4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.



5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.



6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.



12. Atheism is a non-prop

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
06/02/2009 09:25

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

martinev


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 320

Message Posted:
08/02/2009 12:41

Someone entered a Pun contest with several entries. When he rang the organisers to see if he had won, he was told "no pun in ten did"

cronos


Joined: 26/10/2008
Posts: 2093

Message Posted:
08/02/2009 12:44

It is better to have loved a short woman....than never to have loved a tall.

martinev


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 320

Message Posted:
09/02/2009 14:15

Could someone that used to like tractors be called an extractor fan ??

Mellie


Joined: 30/01/2008
Posts: 145

Message Posted:
09/02/2009 14:20

A farmer will always be good at his job, because he is outstanding in his field

batterboy58



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 442

Message Posted:
09/02/2009 14:23

A plastic surgeon sat by the fire and melted

batterboy58



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 442

Message Posted:
09/02/2009 14:28

Opening a new funeral parlor can be quite an undertaking.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/02/2009 15:08

Someone once accused me of stealing an old, rare, valuable stamp, and I philately denied it.

martinev


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 320

Message Posted:
09/02/2009 15:36

Three pieces of string go to the pub for a night out. The first piece of string goes up to the bar and asks for 3 pints of lager. The barman said "Are you a piece of string ?" "Yes" was the reply. The barman said " Sorry, we don't serve pieces of string !!" After he returned to his mates, the second piece of string tried his luck with much the same result !! The third piece of string then said that he'd go and get the drinks. He went up to the bar and ordered 3 pints of lager. The barman said "Are you a piece of string ?"

The piece of string replied "No, I'm a frayed knot"