Relationship problems in TRNC

bazilbrush


Joined: 29/03/2008
Posts: 404

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 12:48

What is happening here, it seems everyday I go out I hear of another relationship ending. Some of these couples have been together for 25yrs+ and then move here and part within a short time. Perhaps its something in the water.....or the temptation of the tanned bodies of the Mediterraneans.........!!!!!

cronos


Joined: 26/10/2008
Posts: 2093

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 12:54

It's probably more to do with being forced to spend 24 hours a day together without the distractions of work.

The same thing happens on holidays....the sudden 24/7 spent in each others company often makes holidays more stressful,rather than a relaxing experience.

Mindy



Joined: 27/10/2008
Posts: 1210

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 13:09

Maybe some couples came out here hoping the change of lifestyle would improve their relationship, but the opposite happened. In my opinion, for what it's worth, you come out here in holiday mode and then it hits you after a while that you are in it for real.

When you get through the hurdles of red tape etc, which for me was like wanting to commit hari kari at times then it is fine. All this can put a strain on an otherwise staid relationship.

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 13:26

Although I love living here I do have to say it can be very trying at times...and I know I shouldnt say this but I am sick to death of the rain...I know I know the island needs it but I am still sick to bloody death of it and the wind!!!

juliet


Joined: 11/01/2009
Posts: 612

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 13:29

msg 4



it`s called winter........ maybe the carribbean climate would suit you better

Bradus


Joined: 25/02/2007
Posts: 2641

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 13:33

Rose tinted glasses and all that? It's simply not everyone's cup of tea. People start to miss their family and friends. I know several couples where one partner has loved their new life style and the other partner has hated it more with each passing day.

Obviously this is what puts a strain on the relationship.

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 13:59

Juliet ...and it is caribbean, WH Smiths have a sale on dictionaries at the moment...do yourself a favour and invest in one



Not very nice dee.

Post edited

AJ

mustafaleak


Joined: 08/02/2009
Posts: 199

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 14:11

Now now ladies, lets be civil.

denizkisi


Joined: 18/09/2008
Posts: 196

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 14:56

I also doubt that it's to do with tanned bodies, but as others have said, the stress of moving to a foreign country and being together 24/7. Leaving "best" friends can also be as big a wrench as leaving family behind...........You know, that one special friend that knows ALL about you and loves you regardless!!! I know that I missed (and still do) my best friend of over 40yrs so much when I first came here. But all in all, if a relationship is failing in the UK then it will struggle even more over here, especially if you are in a "no going back" situation.

Harlequin


Joined: 02/10/2008
Posts: 346

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 15:59

Poor deecyprus4. Very sad.

peter


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 6

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:05

deecyprus4 TUT ,TUT.



Post edited.

AJ

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:09

correct me if i'm wrong...but isn't Cyprus in the med and not as Dee would believe in the caribbean...(me thinks that Dee ought to buy an atlas)

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:14

Yet again the original post was a valid contribution to the board and now it is descending into a slanging match.

Lets take it back on topic please.

AJ

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:20

hear hear AJ !! (",)

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:32

I think it maybe the stress of dealing with builders/solicitors and all the other red tape that comes with buying a holiday home. I must admit sometimes I am exhausted after being in N.C for longer than two weeks, after dealing with the above people. Now the Villa is finally finished you would think "great now I can have a peaceful holiday" Not! now we find we have no Electricity, and will have to come over just to sort that out. It does seem never ending. If people are at each other's throats I can see why.



Can some one check my spelling please? Thank you.

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:33

Daisy I think you need to learn to read, where did I say cyprus was in the caribbean, rolls eyes in disbelief...educate yourself love.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:41

Dee, maybe you could have just told Daisy to look at message 5. Then she could see the error she had made.

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 16:46

I'm also amazed at how many relationships seem to break up when they come to Cyprus...i think a lot of it boils down to too much cheap brandy! Also the intense heat of the summer probably boils the brain too!! lol



Dee, I am more than adequately educated thank you...

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:01

msg 18 well read posts properly then

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:02

Britvic maybe you could have just told daisy she had made an error..touche my dear

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:11

Thought I had Dee, expected an apology from her to you, because that's what I would have done.

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:14

Hi, relationships break up everywhere, TRNC, UK, Ireland, wherever. No matter how many hours the sun shines, how good the Effes is, or if your dream has been achieved by living in your dream 'place', one thing we can't do, is escape ourselves. It's just life, sad and unfortunate, but life...

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:18

Yvonne, i totally agree with you...i think the reason it seems to happen so much, is simply because the island is so small, and condensed...that it appears as though its an extraordinary amount, but in reality it's no more unusual than any other country...

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:22

Yes Daisy, everything is so much more magnified when you live in a small place/island. I had the dubious pleasure of living on an island 3 miles squared for 5 years with a population of 300... And yes, I was married there. And now I'm divorced! (a long time ago though, I was young and foolish!)

Although this is most likely not the case with the breakups in NC. And a marriage/long-term relationship is always sad - whatever the circumstances... Ok - I'll shut up now!

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:24

'And a marriage/long-term relationship is always sad - whatever the circumstances'



sorry - that was meant to read : And a marriage/long-term relationship BREAKUP is always sad - whatever the circumstances...

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:26

hi all i agree with most of you my own particular story is stress and beleive it or not lonliness. I see people everynight and can engage in adult conversation but it makes you realise that you have left people behind and by god do you miss them. Its different for us as we work but that excludes us from social groups as the say when arranging anything dont invite Liz and Guido they will be working. so whilst i see people we still go home knackered and without real friends. Hence being on here so much I guess. Now its not only divorce Im hearing about the stress is killing some. I have lost 3 good friends here since xmas and took another one to hospital on friday with heart attack, age 44. Si my guess its a combination of all. As Yvonne says as only an irish person can we cant escape from ourselves and many couples i speak to say how hard they find living in each others pockets all the time.

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:32

Hi Lilli, when I visit later this year, you will most certainly be on my 'invite' list honey! And Cinderella WILL attend the ball - no working for you that night! x

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 17:56

Hi Yvonne I cant wait real irish craicc. girl will we paint the town red that night. where do you live in dub i lived in swords. For a time oh do I miss it YES. Wenever change our nature and why should we. A part is a part 1 or 100 its a party I cant wait to meet you xxxxxxx

sunrise


Joined: 14/02/2009
Posts: 274

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:03

One of the big problems here is alcohol, it's so cheaply available and I think many people can quickly get an alcohol here problem here, which in turn puts a strain on relationships.

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:28

Hi Lilli, I live in Sutton - Northside, about 10 mins from Howth. This is my home-town. Was born and bread here, despite my various missions to escape (Aran Islands and London)!

We'll have a blast when we meet - I know. I just wish I could be there all the time. xxxxxx bacatcha!

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:32

Sunrise, I've just read your comment. I tend to agree. Sometimes the easiest way 'to break the ice' is to hit the bars, have a few beers and chat away. But then it becomes a way of life, a way to combat lonliness and make friends. I drank more when I lived in the Aran Islands, than I have drunken in my whole life to date! 'Cos it seemed like all we could do - to socialise, to make friends, to have 'the craic'. But it doesn't help - it just ends up hurting you, and everyone you care for.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:35

OH Yvonne i love howth and malahide oh the times i have had there duffys in malahide great craic. my son is the spit of rownan keating and was always taken for him doid we play on it. would i. xxxxx

daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:37

er...whats craic? is it whiskey?

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:38

lol Lilli!!! Howth is my favourite - The Oar House, Findlaters, and 'King Sitric' for a really special treat (v special - prices are crazy!). The seafood is gorgeous there. REally special. x

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:39

Daisy, 'craic' is the Irish word for 'fun'! And lots of it!

The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:39

Sunrise & Yvonne - I agree with your views that alcohol probably pays a large part in people's relationship problems - not just in NC but everywhere, although I would imagine that if you're not working or involved quite heavily in charity work in NC then the days (especially in the winter) would seem very long. I'm happily married (can't speak for himself, of course) but I personally think that if we were to move over there full time, then it would put pressure on the marriage; living in each others pockets coupled with the frustration of trying to get things done, etc. etc.

Regards

J

Hippo


Joined: 02/02/2007
Posts: 2070

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:40

Dee loves Juliett- true

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 18:42

Try living in the Aran Islands!! - boy, those winters are long...

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 19:27

Hippo behave

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 21:00

Maybe drink problems cause relationship breakdowns but I think the biggest is finance. I have seen a few couples here that have been at loggerheads because of money problems and have also seen it in the UK and other countries.

I would reckon finances (or the lack of them) are the No.1 cause.

AJ

BillyB


Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 436

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 21:22

My marriage hasn't changed one bit since moving here. My wife detested the sight of me in the UK and detests the sight of me here aswell.

Yvonne



Joined: 16/05/2008
Posts: 273

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 21:28

AJ, I remember being a kid in the 80's. The motor industry was 'shot' in Ireland due to the '80s recession. My mom and dad would argue thinking we couldn't hear them - but we listened through the vents. TG time went on and all is well now, and they are still in love and together, nearly hitting 40 years together. But I remember the stress and strain as a youngster.

Woodspeckie


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 2263

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 22:31

The one thing that puts me off moving abroad is how would I fill my day, here I have 4 grandchildren and see them everyday, take two to school and the 4 of them come in from school Mon-Fri. I have taught the 3 girls how to knit and now we do baking and cooking when they come in from school, they love it and that is something I would miss. Talked to people who have moved to NC who have said it is easy to get into the drinking habit as life can get boring when you have had a busy life in the UK.

redtom


Joined: 30/12/2008
Posts: 116

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 22:54

Grass is always greener on the other side

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 22:56

Being a tad sad, I've been watching the 'New life Down Under' TV series. It seems that nearly always it's one partner who wants to move abroad and drags the other with them. Then you get the guilt trip with leaving loved ones followed by the financial shock that life is not always cheaper elsewhere. Add to the mix, stress re just trying to get on with life in NC, lack of security and if legal problems, it's hardly surprising that relationships break down. Going to bars to socialise can help but that starts to get expensive.

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
22/02/2009 22:58

Woodspeckie

Valid post and the biggest problem is people do not know how to relax, It has taken me a year to come to grips with not working but luckily I have a lot of hobbies that keep me occupied.

AJ

kaiserphil


Joined: 14/12/2008
Posts: 1096

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 00:13

AJ I know what you mean. I could not relax in TRNC for many reasons. Now I am in Germany with a new partner I have learnt what it means to relax.

Steve1953



Joined: 04/12/2008
Posts: 298

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 01:05

Dear all,interesting topic.

AJ is right in that money plays a big part - people cant get jobs or spend too much - bit like UK. Seen many break ups here in Blackpool- pressure of life,and partners moving apart,instead of together,as they get older. Some "friends" disappear if problems arise - to give an example,I am presently going to an employment tribunal because we have workplace bullies - and it is destroying people.

This is like a type of bereavement - or divorce - and family and friends should stand firm and support their friends/colleagues - could go on at length on this topic,but hope that if anyone is struggling they have someone to talk to,instead of bottling it up.



Other issues include - no work creates a void,build up a social network- even here(cheers Lilli),visits/holidays away from TRNC and getting your head round change gradually. Keep learning,reading and learning ... it's ongoing...bit more philosophical

now,but I'm getting there . regards to all,Steve

fire starter


Joined: 19/06/2008
Posts: 3401

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 06:23

sorry guys i just don't buy it.

the relationships would have probably broken down even if they didn't come to cyprus.

vikingqueen



Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 241

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 06:55

I totally agree , that if a relationship were strong before coming to Cyprus it would have lasted here also.

Pls STOP complaining about the weather and it people,,, why live here if you do not like it.

JimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 17:06

Relationships break up everywhere - even on this board!!!

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 22:26

hi firestarter and viking and stevie. do you really think that. Only one year after being here I witnessed one of the strongest marriages in my opion disolve. They had been here many years and very much on the social scene that used to exist here. More and more he was coming into the restaurant with a different lady who in my opion could not hold a candle to his wife. He work for a bank and to me she was a client. He l,eft here to return to england with this new lady leaving the wife to sort out the new villa they were buildiing which turned out he had remorgaged. She had no choice but to return as what she was left with couldnt buy her a flat here. I have seen several cases where they had a good marriage etc but now here without family grandkids friends they have nothing in common. All relationships are hard and need to be worked at we must all remember that and not take anything for granted xxxx

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
23/02/2009 23:58

too much stress..more money is always needed to pay the builders .tax,tax tax

every time you go to sort anything out is another,yes new tax.....

to relax yes.bars..monday bingo tue.quiz.Elvis and sing alongs.dance classes..

meet up with friends.lunch,dinner. oh and more drink and people change with more,more.oh another,yes please....

never had so much,so often and when want........mid day till mid night...

wives,need to keep poping home for grandchildren fix...

all this brings out the stress..then Questions..did i come here for this.......

thank god not for me,no..i am happy,content,sober and sereen.90% of my day

and can garantee it will stay that way..and thats the Trooth.can maney say that

fire starter


Joined: 19/06/2008
Posts: 3401

Message Posted:
24/02/2009 09:40

lilli

i just don't belive that being here made it happen.

if they had been under some sort of stress in the uk or else where it would have probably happened.

i do believe that sometimes people just grow apart.

my parents did, dad went out with his mates to the pub and mum hung out with her friends at theatres and art gallerys.

they never divorced, just got on with living seperate lives.

that way they never fell out, just parted company with nobody else involved.

maybe a lot rests on the peoples outlook on things.

i have been married for 24 years and wouldn't change a thing.

but we do laugh all of the time in our house, i think that helps to have a sence of humour.

maybe people loose that after a while,living here, i don't know.

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
24/02/2009 17:46

I see DC4 is still doing her school teacher bit.Watch the replies to that statement!!!