Is your memory failing you?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 10:08

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

One of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."

The old man said, "There is no way you can guess it, you old fools."

One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under pants and we can tell your exact age."

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, "You're 87 years old!"

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison.... "We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

jacktheladett


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 528

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 10:35

That's funny, very good No1

Geoff1131MK11


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 396

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 10:49

What was this thread about?????????????

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:30

What thread?................

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:33

This is the transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute.

Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:33

If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:34

Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening as they have done for the past 35 years. Max, the older, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife.

At the end of the card game Ed said to Max, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"

Max replied, "Why ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all."

"Memory school? What memory school?"

Max thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower...?"

"A rose?"

"Yeah...that's it!" Max turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:36

An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. His wife told him to get her some iced tea, and knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down.

"I can remember iced tea," he protested.

"But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down."

He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar.

"I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down."

He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her.

"Now look what you've done!" she yelled at him, "You forgot my gravy!"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:37

Doctor, I can't remember anything! I forgot what happened yesterday. I forgot what my car looks like. I can't even remember my own name.



Doctor: How long have you had this problem?



Patient: What problem?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 11:38

Three elderly ladies were discussing the trials of getting older.

One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," she raps her knuckles on the table, then says, "That must be the door, I'll get it."

ilovekibris


Joined: 18/05/2009
Posts: 394

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 17:36

I may have Alzheimers but at least I don't have Alzeimers...

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
21/05/2009 18:00

Absolutely true. The Bristol Evening Post ran an article that read roughly as follows:- A self help group of sufferers of Alzheimer's in Wales decided to meet Monthly to exchange their problems. The first meeting was canceled as no one turned up!



Richard