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taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:00

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Message 1 of 156 in Discussion

Peel away your problems.

Vent your anger.

Relieve your stress.

Ditch that depression.

Get off the treadmill.



Happy to help you.x



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:07

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Message 2 of 156 in Discussion

dear tara i have a major problem He is called Guido. he dosent give me money to be the high maintence which I expexted to be and makes me work all the hours god sends. How can I convience him tht this is taking its toll on me and conviece him I need a holiday somewhere where i can be botexed sucked and tucked and generally pampered. Without a dog in sight. Can you help me please xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:19

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Message 3 of 156 in Discussion

Tara, are you sure you want to start this on the Forum. This sounds like it should have a website dedicated to it.

I have a problem with my boss, he expects me to work all night.

I am not allowed to drink alcohol.

I can only smoke in a safe area.

I miss my family.

I have to sleep in a strange bed.

I get no annual holidays.

It is unbarably hot.



What should I do ?????



From - Offshore oil worker, Qatar



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:21

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Message 4 of 156 in Discussion

Hi Tara



Will be in touch as soon as I have had the time to make a mental list of the things I need to contact you about. It may take some time!!



Jean

x



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:27

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Message 5 of 156 in Discussion

My lovely Lilli. Your man does not appreciate your many talents. He is complacent. He is not pro-active in tending to your needs. He needs to be duly punished with a kick up the backside, and a temporary "hostess". Then.... and only then will he appreciate you.



I would advise a 2 week break away with your girlfriends, preferably to a place that offers your desired surgical procedures on the second week.



The first week would be well spent on a torrid passionate sexual affair (safe sex recommended) combined with shopping at Gucci, Robert Cavalli, Prada etc., on HIS credit card.



A sure stress reliever.

Let me know how it goes?



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:39

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Message 6 of 156 in Discussion

Proger1 - Oh dear so many problems....

"I have a problem with my boss, he expects me to work all night". Hmmm, I have had similar problems. Ground Chillies or Itching power in his underwear every night will ensure that he is up all night and knows what you have to endure.



"I am not allowed to drink alcohol". Are you supposed to be drinking on the job?

"I can only smoke in a safe area". Move to an "unsafe area" and take your chances.

"I miss my family". You could always get an additional one. Yes, I know it's a complication in life but it would satisfy your immediate needs.



"I have to sleep in a strange bed". See above.



"I get no annual holidays". This is a global recession. Sacrifices have to be made.



"It is unbarably hot". Can I suggest a relocation to Iceland?







What should I do ?????







From - Offshore oil worker, Qatar



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 01:46

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Message 7 of 156 in Discussion

Jean, take your time lovey, no pressure.

xxxxx



sporty


Joined: 06/12/2007
Posts: 685

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 02:21

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Message 8 of 156 in Discussion

yes i'm a little pissed off tonight,i invested 16k in march with an investment plan dealing with investing in foreign currencies and hedging etc, i was told in my due diligence that only 5% was at risk because the fund was hedged,a team of accountants were running the scheme. Within 5wks or so the FSA froze the fund and launched an investigation into it,tonight was the first time the FSA has given me any info and it looks as if i'll be lucky to get approx 50% back, thats a loss of 8k in 5 wks!Give me a property any day,at least the bloody thing is tangible and you can walk around it! This has happened in good old blighty too!Robbing bast..ds!

There i feel a bit better now i've got this off my chest.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 02:28

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Message 9 of 156 in Discussion

Continued from Message 5.



If you take my advice, I'm certainly "up for it", so count me in.

Where is it we are going?



Blackpoolfan


Joined: 03/12/2008
Posts: 1568

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 02:37

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Message 10 of 156 in Discussion

My wife says i am a dummy what should i do?



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 02:44

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Message 11 of 156 in Discussion







Mark, I am just so glad you felt you could share this with me, and the forum.

You know I am here to help.

I am confused though.

Where have you been?

Did you not know there was a World recession?

It's been common knowledge for sometime now that pigeons can deposit more on a ferrari than hedge-fund managers.



Well at least you haven't got one of those "dodgy" TRNC houses, so you should count your blessings.



My advice is to get the Hedge-fund managers (if you can find any left), take them blindfold to the TRNC in a CTA plane (which should be torture enough given the meals and the staff), and worse, strap them on a tree in the Karpas at the height of the season and watch the snakes and bugs bite them. Pure pleasure mate. Enjoy, but don't get caught.



Let me know if you need help smuggling them through customs at Ercan. x



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 02:56

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Message 12 of 156 in Discussion

Tar, problems with your theory

I have a problem with my boss, he expects me to work all night". Hmmm, I have had similar problems. Ground Chillies or Itching power in his underwear every night will ensure that he is up all night and knows what you have to endure. "I don't really want him up at night with me"



"I am not allowed to drink alcohol". Are you supposed to be drinking on the job? "I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK ON THE RIG"



"I can only smoke in a safe area". Move to an "unsafe area" and take your chances. "OIL RIG, BIG BANG THEORY PROVED CORRECT"



"I miss my family". You could always get an additional one. Yes, I know it's a complication in life but it would satisfy your immediate needs. "OIL RIG, MEN ONLY AND NO IT'S NOT MY STYLE"



"I have to sleep in a strange bed". See above. "REF ABOVE, NOW HAPPY



"I get no annual holidays". This is a global recession. Sacrifices have to be made. "FAIR"



"It is unbarably hot". Can I suggest a relocation to Iceland? "OK, JUST HOT"



tonni


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 178

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:02

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Message 13 of 156 in Discussion

lilli can i come???????????? let me know? x



sporty


Joined: 06/12/2007
Posts: 685

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:04

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Message 14 of 156 in Discussion

tara, i chose not to take part in the recession,once i get whatever money back i shall probably look to sue,as in the litrature it states quite clearly that only 5% would be at risk at anytime. Oh yes and i've got one of those TRNC houses albeit half built and 2 yrs behind schedule!Thats why i'm coming over next week to try to sort it out. Anyway thats enough griping and throwing the teddy out the cot! This year is still going to be my best yet financially so not too bothered really, x



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:13

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Message 15 of 156 in Discussion

Blackpoolfan.

Are you a footie fan?

I am concerned that you are not in the premier league?

But perhaps that is your manager's problem, not mine!



I am also concerned that you may be spending a little too much time with the football.

Yes football is nice, as a relaxing passive (on the terraces) pastime, but, there are other things in life to enjoy.

Now you may be a social worker, (but I won't hold this against you in my advice) - I promise you of that (unless you wear those strange brown open sandles and dangly earings). BTW - you don't have permed hair do you?



Some women are just so demanding.

Do you think it may be a "sex" thing?



Let me know what happens lovey. x



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:24

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Message 16 of 156 in Discussion

Sporty, I am so sorry my friend for your problems. You need someone more qualified than me to deal with the financial problems. This is for troubled people and "general advice". I can talk you through many issues from relationship problems to unblocking your sink, but specialist advice is required here,



I really hope you have your best year yet, but don't forget......money is not the key to happiness.



Good luck.



Blackpoolfan


Joined: 03/12/2008
Posts: 1568

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:29

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Message 17 of 156 in Discussion

Taraspring,

Thank-you for your advice and sound advice to. Your talents are wasted on forum you should invest in a black leather couch and moonlight as a shrink, got to be better than sticking your hand up a puppets arse. Alas you have my profile wrong i am 6ft 20 stone in weight not enough hair to perm and don't wear open sandles as my feet would get wet. It may well be a sex thing as my wife says she is sick of burning her arse on the lightbulb and calls me Justin which isn't my real name. I tell it may not be big but its a foot thick and i have 20 stone to slam it in with, still she is not happy. Oh well i am safe for a while longer as vibrators don't pay the mortgage. Keep up the good work and have a nice evening..............



sporty


Joined: 06/12/2007
Posts: 685

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:40

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Message 18 of 156 in Discussion

tara, your right,money aint everything,but you can suffer in comfort if you have it!lol, no worries. x



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:43

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Message 19 of 156 in Discussion

Proger1 Please don't call me "Tar", it sounds like some black substance that they put on driveways and sidewalks.



Now your problems......

I have a problem with my boss, he expects me to work all night - I don't really want him up at night with me".

Well he must be unreasonable, unless you get paid well for it? In which case - Whiskey and lots of it, that should keep him quiet for the night and most of the next day.



"I can only smoke in a safe area". Safe areas or Patches and gum otherwise "OIL RIG, BIG BANG THEORY PROVED CORRECT" You takes your chances.



"I miss my family". T'internet, Webcam, mobile phone and the sensible option (wear those really horrid old men's pyjamas AND don't wash) on an ALL MEN rig.



Take care.

T



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 03:48

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Message 20 of 156 in Discussion

Oh and Proger1 - be SAFE!



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 04:01

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Message 21 of 156 in Discussion

Sorry tarA, those spelling mistakes can be a bit annoying, nothing intentional I promise.



Thanks for the concern, and safe is my middle name, well it would be if I had really horrible parents. If I am still here to write in the forum tomorrow then I must have done something right.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 04:05

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Message 22 of 156 in Discussion

Blackpoolfan, I have identified your problem.

Firstly thank you for your compliments.



Now the nitty gritty

Sterotypical relationship boredom.

Sorry to be so blunt.

Get yourself away from the North West.

Get yourselves into the new Ann Summers Catalogue

Book a room (anywhere but Blackpool)

Forget Justin?????????!!!!!!

Forget Football.

and just "Enjoy" yourselves.



Take care,

T



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 04:09

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Message 23 of 156 in Discussion

And for the person this thread was really for.... who has not yet contributed?

Hope to hear from you real soon.



Nites nites everyone. x



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 04:13

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Message 24 of 156 in Discussion

Sleep well Doctor Tara !!



sporty


Joined: 06/12/2007
Posts: 685

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 10:33

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Message 25 of 156 in Discussion

Dear Dr Tara Another thing thats really getting to me is the mp's expenses,today it's been revealed that David Blunkett has requested a hang glider,a set of water skies and a pair of binoculars! x



Steve1953



Joined: 04/12/2008
Posts: 298

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 15:48

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Message 26 of 156 in Discussion

Dear tarasprina, I used to be indecisive .... but now I,m not so sure.



My problem is everytime i went to sleep,I used to dream that I was in bed with a blonde,brunette and a redhead - couldn't get a wink of sleep;. blackpool fan said I should go and see his shrink - and he got rid of the girls ... but he gave me a dream about driving a lorry up to Carlisle. Short of bursting a tyre on the motorway and laughing at Bloomfield Road - have you any advice? cheers,Steve



TRNCVaughan


Joined: 27/04/2008
Posts: 4578

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 16:08

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Message 27 of 156 in Discussion

Tara,



I'm home on leave from the Merchant Navy and I've met this really nice girl. Trouble is she wants to meet my family and get to know us.

My Dad is a violent drunk layabout who beats my Mum.

My Mum is slovenly and never cleans the house.

My brother is doing 5 years for GBH.

My sister has a drug habit which she feeds by selling her body.

Please help Tara, my problem is, how do I tell my girl I'm a seaman?



Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 20:05

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Message 28 of 156 in Discussion

Hi Tara



I've been having these awful dreams!



Last night I dreamt I was a teepee. The other night I dreamt I was a wigwam!



Do you think I am too tense?



Lem



DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 21:16

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Message 29 of 156 in Discussion

Will all Sun-readers please stick to this thread "Tara's Problem Page. For troubled people and general advice."



Thank you.



What a relief.



JeeZUS.



daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
Posts: 3815

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 21:33

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Message 30 of 156 in Discussion

hahahahahahahaha!! Tara, what a funny way to get funny stuff from folk!! This has cheered me up no end!! I was also thinking of doing something like this, but now i am so glad i didn't!! Far too much like hard work...but i do wonder how long it will take before someone 'crosses the line'....if you need any additional advice, please don't hesitate to ask me...i shall be more than happy to help out!!



DD



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 21:42

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Message 31 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - still working on my list, lovey, but I think you definitely have a runaway success on your hands here! Must agree with DD though - how long are you giving it? Maybe DD and I could help out as, sort of, 'sub editors'. Will you think about that for me, lovey, will you?



J



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 22:18

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Message 32 of 156 in Discussion

Dear Tara,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs are phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently from Curves, although when I ask their names she always says, 'Just some friends from work, you don't know them.'

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.



Continued.....



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 22:19

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Message 33 of 156 in Discussion

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my Ping G 10 Driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 22:44

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Message 34 of 156 in Discussion

Can you help Tara?



ilovekibris


Joined: 18/05/2009
Posts: 394

Message Posted:
22/05/2009 23:01

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Message 35 of 156 in Discussion

excellent doyen, a worthy one for a list i would have thought ;)



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:10

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Message 36 of 156 in Discussion

Well DD and Jean I appear to be inundated with problems that people want to "share"....



Even DC has "come out of the atheist closet" with his reference to JeeZUS (shame about the spelling mate)... Tragic really - he must be in deep deep denial.

We CAN help you DC.



I would welcome input from you both, as the "dummy" keeps me extremely busy.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:12

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Message 37 of 156 in Discussion

Bill, your mind appears to be wandering.

Have you checked the other clubs?

You don't want a wasted journey do you?



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:16

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Message 38 of 156 in Discussion

Hi Lem,



No, it could be that you are too erect?



PS (Can I have your address?)



T



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:23

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Message 39 of 156 in Discussion

Vaughan. Ah the lovely Vaughan.



I wouldn't worry about your family or being a seaman.

The Royal family appear to have got away with worse!

You will be fine lovey.



PS I do like uniforms.



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:32

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Message 40 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - you are a breath of fresh air and you have had me laughing out loud, lovey. However, you should be careful that you don't 'detract' from some of these very important issues. I feel you have definitely found a 'niche' in the market here! I wondered if, with the help of DD and my goodself, could you not start a regular, weekly column in 'Cyprus Today'? I think there are many, many delusional souls just crying out for your help and expertise. Thus far, I feel you have handled enquiries with tact and discretion - particularly poor Lem's erection problem - very well handled (apologise for the pun) if you don't mind my saying, lovey! And I do think you handled poor old Bill's shaft problem with candour, without being crude (needless to say). Keep up the good work!



I am always here for you should you ever need a second opinion.



With love, best wishes and many, many congratulations.



Jeannie

x



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:34

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Message 41 of 156 in Discussion

Sporty, I really don't want you worrying about this.



You should accept the hang glider, and water skies but the lifetime subscription to Specsavers is just completely short sited IMO. There's a great two for one offer at Vision Express.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:48

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Message 42 of 156 in Discussion

Jeannie I would so welcome your expertise.



IMO Cyprus Today already have their fair share of writers providing comforting advice and TRNC wisdom (with the help of their crystal balls).



Therefore we need to limit our market to help the poor troubled and unfortunate souls on 44.





xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 01:50

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Message 43 of 156 in Discussion

Proger1. I have been so worried about you.

Glad to see you are here this evening.



Stay safe!



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 02:05

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Message 44 of 156 in Discussion

Tara, you are sooooooooooooooooooo right (as they say in Hello Magazine - my very favourite publication). I am pleased, to say the least, that you have, obviously recognised my expertise in the field. Sadly, there are those (and, dare I say it, on his Forum) who have not? But I digress. You are absolutely correct about Cyprus Today - they are offerintg their Pearls of Wisdom and who are we to stop them? We must, indeed, limit our market to those that need us most, i.e. Cyprus44 members. I don't think we can afford to spread ourselves too thinly - do you? I can see that, in the forseeable future, we are going to be inundated with cries for help. However, I am a little concerned about those that ARE ABOVE AND BEYOND any sort of help at all. What do you think, lovey? For myself, I'll go in all guns blazing (you know me), but I do feel that in some cases, discretion is the better part of valour.



Your deputy in waiting - Jeannie.



I await to learn from the master (mistress)



Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 02:30

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Message 45 of 156 in Discussion

Whisky or Whiskey? "Drinking buttermilk all the week whisk*?*? on a Sunday!"



Richard



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 02:43

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Message 46 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - what do you think to message 45? I am aware of the song, but, to be honest, as a novice, this has slightly baffled me.



Does he need our help? Is he beyond the expertise of even you and I?



I await your comments?



J



PS I have found some of his former comments somewhat baffling; however I am but a layman. Over to you Tara.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 02:52

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Message 47 of 156 in Discussion

Jeannie....

These are very trying times, and yes, there is a need for people to "bare all",



There always will be some poor unfortunate misguided people that appear to be above and beyond any sort of help who are delusional. Denial is a prime example. But for the rest.................. welcome to the Tara problem pages.



Welcome also to you, Auntie Jeannie. My little helper in times of need.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 02:57

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Message 48 of 156 in Discussion

Jeannie I am not even aware of the song?



Richard.... This page is for problems not songs, quotes etc.,

You have to tell me your problem, and then, and only then can I help you.



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 03:25

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Message 49 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - I do appreciate your trust in me as your "Deputy".



However, I feel I may have fallen at the first hurdle, unfortunately. I have let you, and myself, down and I am so sorry! You see, what I did, was to post on a thread saying that I would take some stuff to Lilli's for the SOS kids. I can see now that was my first mistake! This posting was met with a rather baffling response! Please see thread. Sadly, Tara, I lost it!!!



I would hope that you will read it and cast your expert eyes upon it and, please (do not spare my feelings here) give me your honest opinion - am I still able for your Deputy???



Jeanne



xxxxxxxxxxxx



Bigcheese


Joined: 12/01/2009
Posts: 51

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 09:07

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Message 50 of 156 in Discussion

Hi Tara

My problem is my husband is more interested in watching football on tv than me. He sits there glued to the box. When I speak to him, he doesn't answer. I've tried walking in front of the screen in my sexy underwear, but he just flaps his arms about and shouts for me to get out of the way because I'm blocking his view! What can I do?



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 10:29

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Message 51 of 156 in Discussion

Hi Doctor Tara,

Sorry I didn't write last night but I took your advice and fed the boss whiskey, He insisted I join him and thus I had no ability to type.

I would like to point out however that this system somewhat backfired on me. I got sent to bed at 2am by my boss because he said that I was inebriated, I have no idea how he could say that, I don't even know how to speak inebrian and then I got woken again at 6am to go on days because my boss is not feeling well today.

Oh well at least I am not on nights for a few days, thanks for the help so far Tara, I don't know what I would do without your help !!!!



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
23/05/2009 14:44

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Message 52 of 156 in Discussion

BigCheese. Don't waste a second of the game.



His distraction/obession is a prime opportunity to kick-start your libido with a Football Widow's fling, and have a little dalliance on the sidelines yourself.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
24/05/2009 03:48

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Message 53 of 156 in Discussion

Paul



It is quite normal to talk inebrian when under the influence.

Its when you start singing ..... Brahms & Liszt that you should worry.

That is just a step too far.



Keep an eye on the boss for me, and send him my kind regards.

T



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
24/05/2009 04:10

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Message 54 of 156 in Discussion

Enjoy the silence and counting the dots between words ........................... 27 is this normal.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
24/05/2009 04:24

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Message 55 of 156 in Discussion

CC -For a truly professional opinion I would have to check with the Pitmans Training Course. They open at 9am.



For now, just get your head down, get some sleep, you will need it. (Although the dots will be there in the morning), we will cope! We can do this together. Have hope. I am with you in your hour of need. x



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
24/05/2009 04:36

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Message 56 of 156 in Discussion

Having just returned to .. normality .. from a two week sebatical 170 miles north east aberdeen, it takes a while to relax into the norm .................................... 36.

You should try it some time, its odd to say the least.

AC/DC # BLACK ICE. 111 Big Jack.



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
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Message Posted:
24/05/2009 05:06

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...................17 i was doing fine till tara, im now into AC/DC Big style again ....

STIFF UPPER LIP # No 5 SAFE IN NEW YORK CITY.

Being and offshore worker i know my next track No 8 SATELLITE BLUES.

tara what deamons have you unleashed ?



CyprusChill


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Message Posted:
24/05/2009 05:51

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.....5

Should be in the sack but just ventured in AC/DC # BACK IN BLACK, 2. Shoot to Thrill, 5. Let me put my love into you, 7. You shook me all night long.



God bless the Gibson ....



CyprusChill


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Message Posted:
24/05/2009 06:06

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....................................31

AC/DC # BACK IN BLACK. No 10 Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution.



Pure W.B Yeats .... on top of Benbulben .... and a bottle of MAGNERS.



CyprusChill


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Message Posted:
24/05/2009 06:26

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....................................................................................................................81



AC/DC # High Voltage. No 4 LIVE WIRE.



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
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Message Posted:
24/05/2009 07:17

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CyprusChill, Just downloaded Black Ice and agree with all choices, any suggestions on what I should be listening to during weeks 3 and 4. Don't think AC/DC will keep me going at that point.

Paul



CyprusChill


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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 02:55

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Message 62 of 156 in Discussion

proger1 .. age dependant lots from the likes of Motorhead, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin the crooners, but how about ...... STONESOUR come what (ever) may.... awesome... or perhaps AUDIOSLAVE ...... or my current head mash .. BLACK TIDE light from above ... old school and more .........

A VERY cold Cider .... enjoy.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 03:18

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Message 63 of 156 in Discussion

Boys boys..... This is a problem page, not the old grey whistle test.



Start your own thread on Motorhead, Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin etc.

Oh and Cider.



Keep safe now!



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 03:44

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Message 64 of 156 in Discussion

tara you are blessed, recognition that i do not have a problem .. any problem makes me sigh a huge breath of fresh air.

I will now return to the fridge, for the other half of my cold cider and having stood outside looking vacant into the black above, perhaps a last thrash of billy bonkers hard thrash may suffice.



CyprusChill


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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 04:05

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Just hooked up my SENNHEISERS again, tuned into AUDISLAVE No 7. Shaddow on the Sun.

And my glass of cider.

I built this house six years ago with a natural stone frontage wall infront of the stream.

Today i was again planting alpines into the crooks and crannies. The like of Ajuga .. Evening Glow, Campanula carpatica .. Dark blue Clips ..

Watering my babies at all sorts of god forsaken hours ....

Working offshore Oil and Gas ... does effect your problematic mind set ... on occasion.



CyprusChill


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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 04:46

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VELVET REVOLVER ..... CONTRABAND No. 12 Dirty Little Thing.

Serious Heavy Rock Problem ... Help. . . . . . Not.



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 09:13

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Sorry Doctor Tara, Us offshore types get carried away sometimes. I think it has something to so with the brain washing but i can't be sure because I don't remember. Does The Manturian Candidate ring any bells.



Paul



westender


Joined: 14/05/2009
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 20:41

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Dear Tara, how can I make my husband understand the importance of shoes and handbags to a woman and that you can never never ever have too many?



The-Wicks


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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 20:56

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westender - I see that Tara is not actually logged on at the moment. However, I feel your problem may prove even too tricky for her to help you with! I've been trying to get my husband to understand for years - to no avail!



Still, if anyone can help, I think it will be our Tara



J



Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 21:53

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Tarasprings..As you probably know I have been a life long Socialst for nearly 50yrs.Well I had adream the other night that every body on the forum had formed a circle around me and was yelling "vote conservative,labour have no chance" Are they trying to convert me or do they no some thing that I dont...



cronos


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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 21:57

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Coachie....I've got plenty of time for true socialists.....I'm a great fan of Tony Benn.



What I can't abide is New Labour....which is a hellish cocktail of the worst of both worlds !



mixie


Joined: 16/05/2009
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 22:14

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cronos,

I feel guilty. very guilty. this is the beginning of the week and I should be working but i've snuck in to see how Taraspring is getting on doing the problem page! on an aside I have met with tony benn and he is an absolute darling, mind you I have a problem here as I tend to think everyone is a darling..or so you have reminded me before! but this time I am right. tony benn is

such a nice man.



Sunnycee


Joined: 18/05/2009
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 22:15

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msg 68

thats a tough one! If Tara can sort this one out she'd be helping all womenkind!

sc



daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
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Message Posted:
25/05/2009 23:41

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msg 68....explain to your fella that shoes are like power tools....there's a tool for EVERY job....just like shoes, there's an occasion for EVERY pair! Likewise for nuts, bolts and screws....handbags, earings and makeup....

Explain this in the right way and you should never have to explain your purchases ever again...perhaps you should stop by a DIY shop and pick up something special for that man of yours, on your way home from your favorite shoe shop...



DD



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 00:12

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Firstly many many thanks to my deputies Jeannie and Daisy who stepped in at Westerner's hour of need. Sound advice ladies.



A simple explanation (that would convince any man) is safety.



Shoes and handbags are important tools in this unpredicable and dangerous world. What if you were confronted by a deranged maniac? Those "killer heels" would be the perfect weapon to fend off any "would be" attacker. Similarly with handbags. Fantastic Storage tools for carrying your alarm, and portable CS gas spray in the event of emergencies.



So you have to play it like this? "Darling if you love me and care about my safety and wellbeing, you will understand the need for shoes and handbags". If he remains unconvinced, swop him for a newer model, (preferably with plenty of cash).



Good luck.

T



taraspring


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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 00:33

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Message 76 of 156 in Discussion

Coachie, you may call me Tara, or Maam if you so wish.



Now to your problem.



You didnt say whether you woke up in a hot sweat? Did Maggie feature in your dream, if so in what context? I understand that you were not her biggest fan, but there is a fine line between Love and Hate? These are all key issues that could provide a clue to your dilema.



I'm so impressed in your confidence. Maintaining your stance as a lifelong Socialist, when the majority are trying to keep this quiet. Just as a matter of curiosity, have you watched much news in the last 10 years?



The forum are very sensible. Heed their wisdom. If you are still adamant you will not convert, I would recommend intensive hypnotherapy sessions (which I am sure, would be tax deductable under the current climate).



Kind regards.

T



Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 00:48

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Message 77 of 156 in Discussion

Dear Tara

Can you help me? I keep having this recurring nightmare. In my nightmare I log onto Cyprus44 to find only 6 people logged on. Not only that, they are all moderators! Whatever I say I get accused of being a GC sympathiser or simply del



taraspring


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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 01:33

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Dear Hector,

Who is del?



Dreams contain hidden messages that teach you something about yourself and are often triggered by certain life events, or more recently, cyberspace situations. A study of the internet conducted in "Controlled" situations revealed a morbid fear of bannings, and "some" forum based moderators, with some posters having recurring daily nightmares of oppression and paranoia.



Take comfort in the fact, you are not alone in your plight.



Hope you have a more restful sleep this evening.

Regards.

T



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 09:35

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Message 79 of 156 in Discussion

Dear Tara.



I got into the car this morning and drove off down the road. I had'nt gone 200 yards when the car stalled. I tried turning the engine over but it would'nt start. I decided to walk back home.

When I returned home I heard some strange noises coming from the bedroom. At first I thought burglars had entered the house however on listening intently I heard my wifes voice coming from the bedroom. My heart started to beat as at first I thought she was being attacked. However then I heard my next door neighbours voice as well. I burst into the bedroom and found them both naked on the bed.



My question is this. Do you think my car stalled because of petrol starvation. Could it be the petrol pump or do you think the spark plugs need cleaning?



Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 13:48

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Tara..If that woman was in my dream it would suddenly become my worst nightmare and I would probably have to go for intensive hypnotherapy .Her infamous saying "The NHS is safe in my hands" haunts me to this day..ARGHhhhhhhhhhh.



daisy dukes


Joined: 06/09/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 13:56

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Tara Tara Tara...please, you have to help me...i recently read all 4 Stephanie Meyers books on the Twilight Saga, and then i saw the first movie with Robert Pattinson as the beautiful Edward Cullen...thing is i am now obsessed with this gorgeous beast of a man....please help me.....



DD



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:06

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Message 82 of 156 in Discussion

Bill



It doesn't sound as though her battery is flat!!!!



She may need a tune? Sexual healing just may rev her engine?



If it's an old model, try putting more choke on her when pulling away.



Hope this helps?

T



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:15

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Message 83 of 156 in Discussion

Daisy, Daisy, you are a deputy on TPP.

You cannot have weaknesses and obsessions, however smitten you are.

(PS I have the same problem with George Clooney) but don't tell anyone else will you?

T



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:17

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Dear Tara you are so very good. at this. Have you thought of a new career. Thank you for my avice will let you know when we are going xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:24

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Message 85 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - don't forget you can always call on me when your postbag starts to get too heavy!!



Jeannie

x



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:43

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Message 86 of 156 in Discussion

Ahhhhhh Lilli you are too kind x

Thank you Jeannie, may have to call on you soon.

Take care.

T



britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:48

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Message 87 of 156 in Discussion

Shoes, glorious shoes there is nothing better, while were in the mood sandals or a stilleto, all shiny and bright all different colours, shoes wonderfull shoes glorious shoes lets hear it for shoes!



..........................25



Sorry Tara, I couldn't help myself!



Vicki



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:51

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Message 88 of 156 in Discussion

Well Vicki you know my motto SHOE LOVE IS TRUE LOVE. How are you xxxxxxx



Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:56

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Well I am glad that I am not the only male on here whose wife hordes shoes. I could make afortune at a car boot sale...



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 20:58

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Message 90 of 156 in Discussion

And Coachie.... there is "safety" in numbers. LOL



westender


Joined: 14/05/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:00

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Dear Tara, thank you so much for your good advice, I will have to think up a good excuse before my new Kipling travel bag arrives. Mmm, maybe I will be sooooooooo organised when we go to Cyprus, I will not be scrabbling around trying to find the passports?

(Don't think I will swop him though as he really is a sweetie and does overlook a lot of my bad ways - not that I have many, just shoes, handbags and beauty products.)

Which brings me to another 'Dear Tara' question. Why oh why do I get seduced by all the beauty adverts and believe they will get rid of all those awful wrinkles and make me so beautiful?



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:01

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Message 92 of 156 in Discussion

Britvic - same tune (Oliver)



Bags, wonderful bags, how can we resist them?

All colours and shapes

They're just in our system



Tote bag or a shoulder bag

A nice clutch or a shopper

Let's hear for bags, beautiful bags, glorious bags, wonderful bags!!!!!!!!!



Sorry



Jeannie

x



britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:06

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Ha, ha Jeannie, I have that song in my head now!



The-Wicks


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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:11

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Vicki - unfortunately, so have I! Trouble is, it's "Food, Glorious Food"



Story of my life!

J



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:14

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Dear Tara

I was on escape beach today topping up my tan. My back was burning and I attempted to put some factor 6 cream on my back. I was struggling to put the cream on my back when a voice said "let me do that for you" I looked around and before my eyes stood the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She was like a goddess. I gave her the cream and she told me to lay down whereupon she began to rub the cream on my back. I must say that I got slightly aroused to the point of being uncomfortable. She whispered into my ear "come to the changing room" and started to walk to the changing rooms. I watched her climb the steps and followed her. She went into one of the changing rooms and told me to "wait a minute". A few moments later she opened the door and stood there in her birthday suit and beckoned me in.

My question is, do you think I will burn by using factor 6 ? Should I step up to factor 8?



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:25

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westender - Dr Tara is 'not in' at present, but perhaps I could offer a little intermediate advice until she comes back (something about colonic irrigation was mentioned, but I'm not entirely sure.



I fear, lovey, that you have fallen into the trap that many of us "women of a certain age" do. Not so much of a trap, more an abyss really lovey. I am, of course, NOT referring to shoes and handbags, certainly not. That is a given for all women. No, lovey, I mean being seduced by beauty products that promise the earth and never (in my opinion) deliver!



Ask yourself this, lovey, if they worked, why the hell would women spend thousands of pounds on plastic surgery? If you could get rid of wrinkles by using a L'Oreal product costing 20.00, would you pop up to Harley Street and spend a similar amount of money as the National Debt of Belgium? Now, would you lovey, would you? No is the simple answer. May I offer a few pearls of wisdom - do as I do - keep all the stuff you've bought



Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:26

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Message 97 of 156 in Discussion

Jeannie..You women must be obsessed with shoes and bags.I had to put a seperate wardrobe in MY room to accomodate her shoes and bags..



The-Wicks


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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 21:28

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con't

and used twice in the back of your dressing table drawer. In a couple of years, you can chuck it all out and try not to remember how much you spent on it!



Will you think about it - will you?



Hope this helps.



Auntie Jeannie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 22:00

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Hi Auntie Jeannie The advice I was given when my keep mentioned my F/F (faceliftfund) is to put weight on as Im told there are no wrinkles on a ballon. How do i take this. is he just being mean and tight or will he love me if Im fat, or should i keep putting the 10th a weekhe gives me away until im 90 and stay slim xxxxxx



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:17

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Bill we all know the benefits of being safe in the sun, and ordinarily this is sound advice. However, as you have expressed concern on your "factors", I would advise a day out of the sun, in a small and darkened room with liberal use of baby oil.



Have fun.

T



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:21

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Tara we would all benefit from liberal use of baby oil. Or skin so soft xxxxx Keep giving the advice I love it xxxxxx



westender


Joined: 14/05/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:23

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Heavens it's such hard work being a woman, men don't know the half of it!



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:27

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Lilli - my facelift fund (along with my Visiting Australia fund) seems to dwindle at a rapid rate and tends to go on (the latest) The House Extension Fund). Now, like yourself, I am a relatively slim person and, as himself keeps mentioning, I have a thin face which could possible benefit from putting on some weight. Lilli, lovey, this is all very well, but if the likes of you and I should put on some weight, would it go to our faces - I think not! It wouldn't go to my boobs either, or my skinny legs. It would head straight for my middle and backside. Lilli, lovey, ignore him and try to save what you can from that tenner a week - it will soon mount up! A word of warning, though! Like me, by the time you've saved up for it, it may well be too late!



Do keep saving lovey, wont you?



With much love and many commiserations.



Auntie Jeannie

xxxxxxxxxx



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:28

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Sorry Bill - got sidetracked.....that should have read.....



Bill we all know the benefits of being safe in the sun, and ordinarily this is sound advice. However, as you have expressed concern on your "factors", I would advise an "ESCAPE" from the sun, in a small and darkened room with liberal use of baby oil.



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:37

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Now Tara you said have an affair now I have had a proposion on here to get my knickes in a twist. Not to drop them. He sounds a lot of fun and has led an exciting life as I have do I go because he also wants to be a customer. Oh dear excitment calls but money does also. please advise xxxxx



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:46

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Lilli, what are you doing lovey?

Guido logs in here!!!!!!

The "girls just want to have fun" advice is strictly for holidays only.



T



No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:47

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Dear Tara

Will you be bringing the Baby oil, or shall I get my own?



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:49

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Ok well noted. I will keep myself tidy as we say in wales.How are you my lovely friend xxxxxx(just want to keep you top)



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
26/05/2009 23:54

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Jeannie, withdraw all the money from the House Extension Fund immediately, and put it to personal use.



Extensions are, after all, just a male ego concept.



Besides just look at how much time you will save in cleaning it.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 00:21

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Message 110 of 156 in Discussion

Oh Bill. ...... LOL

T



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 02:53

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Best man dilema, how should i toast the bride ?

William Shatner, the captain from Star Trek is marrying Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac fame.

She is adament she is not changing her surname but will install williams surname as her middle name.



Ladies and Gentleman please raise your glasses to Mr and Mrs Stevie Shatner Nicks...



How can i tell them ?



britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 14:37

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Dear Tara, despite lots of reassurances from a particular Estate agent's Wife, I have not heard anything for three weeks, my emails are going unanswered, my Aviary..sorry house is now overrun with birds, getting into the air con unit which has never been bricked/plastered properly, we also now have a Cow living on the property, which arrived with the Goats and is now reluctant to leave.





My Question is..........What do we call the Cow?



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 15:53

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Mmmm a tricky question....



A cow with no name?

How's about......













































Hairy Wan Nun



britvic



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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 16:13

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Thank you so much Tara Hairy Wan Nun, it shall be...................Unless anyone else can think of a better name? Ha, ha,



timefore


Joined: 01/08/2008
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 16:17

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this has to be the best thread on cyprus 44 please please keep it up Taraspring - wonderful. I only wish I had a problem that I could ask your advice on - but I do not have (or is that problem in it's own right)



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 17:24

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Dear Tara

My wife is spending all her time on Cyprus 44, she insists she is helping you & know tells me I must call her Auntie Jean. I feel like Tinga & Tucker. My question is who is going to cook dinner?



Paul



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 17:38

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Dear Tara,

My wife has just convinced me to buy her a new coat for the winter in NC, I think it is overpriced but she tells me that it is reversible, one side fur the other leather.

I don't mind the coat so much because it is really 2 for the price of one but how do I tell her I don't want to buy 2 sets of matching shoes and handbags especially the fur ones.



Paul



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 21:40

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Vix.......

You could always try.................... UnHairy Wann







Although in my experience if it's an "Old" Cow you will very rarely get a response!



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 21:47

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Well Paul, you could always dress up as Willie Wombat and forget the dinner!!!!

Have fun both.

Tx



Everyone sing along now.......



Woomerang, boomerang,

This is our song.

Merrily, merrily

As we go along.

Boomerang, boomerang,

Look over there -

It's Tinga and Tucka

The two little bears.



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 21:53

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Tara - please don't encourage him!



He's supposedly cooking dinner, but since he read this, there's no controlling him. The man's possessed! Hang on, he's just shouted through something about 'getting his boomerang out' and singing 'Waltzing Matilda' in a very poor Australian accent - Rolf Harris he aint!



Thank you my darling - you've made an old man very happy! (Saves me the trouble)



Jeannie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



PS Tucker's ready!!



britvic



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Message Posted:
27/05/2009 22:05

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Oh Tara, thank you so much I like UnHairy Wann so much better, it's easier to say, I do believe it is an 'old' Cow, so will it really matter what I say? In one ear and out the other I would think.



Take care and thank you again.



Vix



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
27/05/2009 22:16

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Message 122 of 156 in Discussion

Roger, you do get yourself into some scrapes dont you?





Hmmmm......"Reversible, one side fur, the other leather"

Really suitable attire for NC? or even the UK then?



Do you think there may be an ulterior motive here??



Please see earlier responses on the need for shoes.



Take care.

T













I don't mind the coat so much because it is really 2 for the price of one but how do I tell her I don't want to buy 2 sets of matching shoes and handbags especially the fur ones.







Paul



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:09

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Cypruschill.....

"Best man dilema, how should i toast the bride ?



William Shatner, the captain from Star Trek is marrying Stevie Nicks of Fleetwood Mac fame.



She is adament she is not changing her surname but will install williams surname as her middle name.







Ladies and Gentleman please raise your glasses to Mr and Mrs Stevie Shatner Nicks...







How can i tell them ?"



You have completely lost me??????



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:10

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Message 124 of 156 in Discussion

Perhaps one of my deputies can assist on this occasion.

Over to you ladies.....



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:17

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She can just be superstar trooper. no thats abba. Gatetic Queeen xx tara take a rst we are in spaceship control xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:19

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Message 126 of 156 in Discussion

Thank you Lilli.

I nominate Lilli as one of my "special deputy ladies" x



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:25

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Message 127 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - unfortunately, I feel I am unable to help you here. I know,I know. But the thing is, I have never been a "Trekkie" although I am a Fleetwood Mac fan. The problem I have this evening is this. Since you posted the Bear Song from Tinga and Tucker, there's no controlling Paul at all! Now, whilst I would never doubt your judgement, lovey, He is now walking around our very modest 3 bed house wearing a large hat with corks dangling from it, talking about 'Koolibars' and 'Swagmen' and (of all things) Billabongs - Tara, are Billabongs some type of sexual aide? And what are "Men That Chunder"?



My dearest Tara, I know your postbag is fit to bursting, but could YOU help me out on this occasion?



Your failed deputy

With love

Jeannie

xxxxxxxxxx



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:36

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Message 128 of 156 in Discussion

Uncouth of me to explain about Mrs Stevie Shatner Nicks.

Forget the Nicks, your on honeymoon.



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 01:59

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Message 129 of 156 in Discussion



Don't worry Jeannie - You are quite safe, I cannot find any reference to Billabongs in the latest Ann Summers catalogue.



As for the singing, Paul has clearly been on the amber nectar or misheard the lyrics. It is a typical pommie mistake.



Nip this in the bud now..... dress up as Dame Edna and scare him into sleeping in the Garage.







although I am a Fleetwood Mac fan. The problem I have this evening is this. Since you posted the Bear Song from Tinga and Tucker, there's no controlling Paul at all! Now, whilst I would never doubt your judgement, lovey, He is now walking around our very modest 3 bed house wearing a large hat with corks dangling from it, talking about 'Koolibars' and 'Swagmen' and (of all things) Billabongs - Tara, are Billabongs some type of sexual aide? And what are "Men That Chunder"?







My dearest Tara, I know your postbag is fit to bursting, but could YOU help me out on this occasion?







Your failed deputy



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 02:07

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Message 130 of 156 in Discussion

Married to a lass from woomera ..... awesome



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 02:13

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Message 131 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - I cannot thank you enough! I feel I can rest easy in my bed now. I have taken your advice on board and tomorrow I am off to buy some fancy horn rims and a sparkly evening dress. Although, to be quite honest, there's not a lot of room in our garage between old Colleen McCullogh(spellling?) books and New Seekers LP's. Still, needs must ..............



I have to say you are completely correct about Paul's consumption of the Amber Nectar (or any 'Nectar'come to that!!)



I am confident that, now you have resolved my minor (Antipodean-style) problem, I shall be fighting fit come tomorrow, should you require my assistance.

With love and gratitude.



Jeannie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 02:25

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Message 132 of 156 in Discussion

wow..





wheres da vodka tara?



need it now!



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 02:26

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Message 133 of 156 in Discussion

Jeannie, it's worth clearing the garage for all unexpected eventualities.

Glad you're sorted out now.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Well folks, I'm off to take a well deserved leave of absence for 24 hours, so I will leave you all in the capable hands of my three excellent deputies who will "man the fort" whilst I am away.



Nitey nites to you all and over to you....

Jeannie, Daisy and Lilli.

Tx



zerochlor


Joined: 03/04/2009
Posts: 4024

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 02:31

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Message 134 of 156 in Discussion

u going to bed!



why u off 2 bed?



get sum more fet down yah neck lady!



haha



sweet dreams!



over to the 3 musketeers



Jeannie, Daisy and Lilli.



Sunnycee


Joined: 18/05/2009
Posts: 192

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 08:25

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Message 135 of 156 in Discussion

msg 131 the wicks

Dont forget to put gladdies on your shopping list

sc



Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 14:10

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Message 136 of 156 in Discussion

Dear taraspring.



My 18 yewar old lesbian grandaughter has just announced her girlfriend is Pregnant !!



I am worried, clearly her lesbian girlfriend has been unfaithful, had unorotected sex, need checks for stds.



What should I do ??



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
28/05/2009 14:21

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Message 137 of 156 in Discussion

Sunnycee - thank you for the reminder possum



J



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 02:03

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Message 138 of 156 in Discussion

Hi Littlenige, sorry went walkaouts today.

AUNTIE JEANNIE, DAISY AND LILLI.....(Shouting VERY loudly)

Thought you would have sorted him out for me!!!!!!!



(Huh you just can't get the staff these days!)



I will need to think overnight about the complexities of your problems if thats OK with you?



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 02:18

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Message 139 of 156 in Discussion

Dearest Tara



I am so sorry that you feel I may have deserted you here, lovey. Trouble is, I find I am not particularly good at either sexual or psycho-sexual problems! Now, I appreiciate you feel I have deserted you here, particularly as you were taking a very well-earned rest. I have two friends, both old schoolfriends of mine, both of whom have lesbian daughters. However, none of my friends' daughters are pregnant. If one of them were, of course, I may have more input to offer!



PS I also find Nige a little bit of a conundrum - although his wife looks like a very nice lady.



Hope all is OK



Jeannie

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 02:29

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Message 140 of 156 in Discussion

Jeannie, I am sure that we will have a solution tomorrow...

please bear with me, Tara has had a long long walkabouts.

Tomorrow is a new dawn.





Take care

Tx



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 02:33

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Message 141 of 156 in Discussion

Tara - point taken, my love.



Nite, Nite and God bless.



Jeannie

x



Sunnycee


Joined: 18/05/2009
Posts: 192

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 10:33

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Message 142 of 156 in Discussion

Tara & her deputies!

This has been such a brilliant thread-please can we keep it going? Think we may need a part 2 though as its now taking 1/2 hr to scroll thru! Keep up the good work x

sc



Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 10:39

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Message 143 of 156 in Discussion

Sorry to let you down in your hour of need but i couldnt figure out an answer to nige. still trying to think about it.. take care and welcome back. this will go on and on xxxxx



Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 10:45

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Message 144 of 156 in Discussion

Many thanks taraspring



I am still in shock I just can not get my head arround the set up.



People say live and let live but without standards, rules , codes of behaviour morality we could end up living in the gutter where the lowest forms of decency and behaviour are accepted because we can not offend this that or the other person, who choose not to live by the " norms " of society in general.



proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 10:49

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Message 145 of 156 in Discussion

My apologies for interfering and not being a member of Tara's council of Elders (Meant in terms of wisdom not age) but I would like some clarification, not being a lesbian myself although I am constantly attracted to women so I suppose I am half lesbian.

I did not realise that lesbians needed to have protected sex with each other and am not even sure how they would do it, secondly most STD's can be treated with antibiotics and the most dangerous STD's are blood borne pathogens but I don't understand how they could be transferred during lesbian sex.

I think she should forgive her for her indiscression and celebrate the joy of upcoming motherhood or fatherhood, OK parenthood.



Sorry agin if I overstepped my remit T and the gang,



Paul



britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 11:29

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Message 146 of 156 in Discussion

Sunnycee wrote "Tara & her deputies!



This has been such a brilliant thread-please can we keep it going? Think we may need a part 2 though as its now taking 1/2 hr to scroll thru! Keep up the good work x"



sc



Sunnycee, if you press the 'end' button (to the right of your key pad) it will take you straight to the bottom of the page, 'home' takes you back to the top.

Vicki



Sunnycee


Joined: 18/05/2009
Posts: 192

Message Posted:
29/05/2009 11:38

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Message 147 of 156 in Discussion

Thanks for that Vicki-as you can see computers are not my forte!

sc



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 01:48

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Message 148 of 156 in Discussion

Dear Littlenige, Firstly I am very sorry at the delay in responding to you.

Your problem is very complex.

Initially you have to get your head around your grandaughter's sexual preference. You have known this young lady from a baby, have watched her grow, been involved in her childhood, you clearly want the best for her. You are her grandfather. It is only natural. She has not changed in her love for you, and you for her.

However, what is completely alien is her sexual preferance, and this is something that you cannot change, but as a caring grandfather you have to accept.



What really concerns me, for her, is the pregnancy and the issues surrounding that:-

1) This is clearly an unplanned pregnancy, and therefore there is an issue of a breach of trust in the relationship.

2) I am concerned that the partner would revert to a hetrosexual relationship without any discussion, or thought as to your grandaughter's feelings about the affair and pregnancy.



Continued.....



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 01:58

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Message 149 of 156 in Discussion

3) The STD's would not really apply here so don't worry yourself about that too much.



The only thing you can do is be supportive (however difficult that may be)

Your grandaugher has a clear choice. To accept the situation, and bring up the child in a single sex relationship knowing that her partner cheated on her, with the evidence of that deceit facing her day to day OR

Walk away.



Whatever she decides, she will always be your grandaughter and that is the paramount issue.



Good luck to you and your family.

Tara (with her very serious hat on)

x



The-Wicks


Joined: 27/05/2007
Posts: 2279

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 01:59

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Message 150 of 156 in Discussion

Apologies to all. You may have seen that my attentions have been elswehere - i.e. "Britain's Got Talent". Fear not - until tomorow evenig - The Final - I will be with you - so feel free to post!



J

x



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 04:21

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Message 151 of 156 in Discussion

STD Treatment in miliatary circles, join the line.

Africa, middle east, asia, europe ....

Join the line ..

and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait .....

who, what, where and when .. you dick.

Return to the back of the line, think about your answer.



These days, kids unaware !!



taraspring


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 571

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 04:56

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Message 152 of 156 in Discussion

CC. This is a one sex relationship.



OK?

Tx



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 05:13

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Message 153 of 156 in Discussion

ts. odd question.



ts. knickers or thong.



ts. stocking or sock



ts. have you ever met an engineer, offshore worker before ?



ts. why are you SO unselected ?



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 05:29

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Message 154 of 156 in Discussion

Dad was 38 service, all the tales and truth.

His time in Cyprus, the people and area made me choose.



Perhaps my other considerations also - West Germany, Holland, Wales, West Coast of Ireland.



How about yourself ?



CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
30/05/2009 06:12

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Message 155 of 156 in Discussion

... Taras' just popped in and suggested .. Lovely Day by Bill Withers.

She must know a ... little ... about me.



I do find the stockings and pert cheeks very tempting mind ...



nikicik


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 201

Message Posted:
05/06/2009 13:08

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Message 156 of 156 in Discussion

hi my sister is having trouble falling pregnant she had 2 abortions last year as they were not ready for a baby they have just got married and have been trying to get pregnant now for around 6 months but nothing is happening can anyone suggest anything or does anyone know of any clinics that they can check to see if everythings ok or when she is likly to get pregnant



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