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nurseawful
Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934
Message Posted:
01/07/2009 15:42 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 1 of 14 in Discussion |
| What does a Glasgow girl use as protection during sex?...................A bus shelter
What do you call a 30year old Glasgow girl?....................................Granny
What do you call a Glasgow girl in a white tracksuit?.........................The Bride !
What's the first question in a Glasgow pub quiz night?......................What the F...... you looking at !
2 Glasgow neds in a car with no music blasting who's driving? ......................The Polis !
What's the most confusing day in Glasgow?...........................................Fathers day ! |
jock1
Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786
Message Posted:
01/07/2009 15:56 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 2 of 14 in Discussion |
| How do you make an ouija (weegy) board.......Talk about Edinburgh........ |
nurseawful
Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934
Message Posted:
01/07/2009 16:01 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 3 of 14 in Discussion |
| Jock that one took a bit of working oot. Think it will go over most peoples heeds.
A Weegy is a Glaswegan to those in the East |
No1Doyen
Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617
Message Posted:
01/07/2009 16:06 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 4 of 14 in Discussion |
| A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. "Comfy?" asks the dentist.
"Govan," she replies.
What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie.
A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: "How much for the set of antlers?"
"Two hundred quid," says the bloke behind the counter.
"That's affa deer," says the guy.
Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo.
After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. "And what's the tartan?" asks his mate. "Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress," he replies |
No1Doyen
Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617
Message Posted:
01/07/2009 16:11 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 5 of 14 in Discussion |
| What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: "Hey you, get off of my cloud." And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: "Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe." |
Arthur
Joined: 04/11/2008
Posts: 687
Message Posted:
01/07/2009 16:16 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 6 of 14 in Discussion |
| Although I loved Rab C Nesbitt, you're right, some of these went over my head |
Navek
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 18:52 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 7 of 14 in Discussion |
| This bloke is sitting reading his Daily Record newspaper when
his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
Whit wis that fur?" he cries.
"That wis for the piece of paper in yir trooser pockets with the
name Mary-Rose written oan it," said she.
Don't be daft," he explains,
"two weeks ago when I went to the races,
Mary-Rose wis the name of one o' the horses I bet on."
She seems satisfied and apologises,
and goes off to do work around the house.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading
when she nails him again with the frying pan,
knocking him out cold.
When he comes around, he says,
"whit the hell wis that fur?"
she said…..
"Your horse phoned!". |
Navek
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 18:54 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 8 of 14 in Discussion |
| A Glesga woman from Glasgow's west-end was staying in a hotel in Edinburgh,
she phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Toilet pepper!" yelled the woman! |
Navek
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 18:57 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 9 of 14 in Discussion |
| A wee Glesga boy comes home from school and tells his mother
he's been given a part in the school play.
'Wonderful. Whit part is it?' she asks
The boy says, 'I play the part of the Scottish husband.
The mother scowls and says,
'Go back an' tell that teacher
you want a speaking part!  |
Lilli
Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 19:05 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 10 of 14 in Discussion |
| Love them keep them coming xxxx |
Navek
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 19:12 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 11 of 14 in Discussion |
| An English family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.
While in a sports shop the son picks up a Scotland football shirt
And says to his sister,
"I've decided to be a Scotland Supporter and I would like this for my birthday".
His sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head
and says,
"Go talk to your mother".
So off goes the little lad with the Blue Football shirt in hand and finds his mother.
"Mum?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Scotland supporter and I would like
this shirt for my birthday".
The mother is outraged at this,
Promptly whacks him around the head and says,
"Go talk to your father"
Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
Cont.... |
Navek
Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 19:13 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 12 of 14 in Discussion |
| "Dad?"
"Yes son?"
"I've decided I'm going to be a Scotland supporter and I would like
this shirt for my birthday".
The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says:
"No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"
About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home.
The father turns to his son and says
"Son, I hope you've learned something today?"
The son says, "Yes dad I have."
"Good son, what is it?"
The son replies,
"I've only been a Scotland supporter for an hour.....
and already I hate you English b*****ds" |
phylray
Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 21:27 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 13 of 14 in Discussion |
| Some good ones, haven't heard any of them before, and they did
make me laugh, but not sure if Southerners would get them.
Wish I could remember one! Oh, I do but it's a bit ..mmmm |
No1Doyen
Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617
Message Posted:
06/07/2009 21:29 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 14 of 14 in Discussion |
| Ha Ha ....Good ones Navek. ) |
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