Joke - The Christian Widow‏

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 15:15

There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, And was a real miser when it came to his money.



Just before he died, he said to his wife...'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.



I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'



And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.



Well, he died.



He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.



When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait just a moment!'



Cont.....

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 15:16

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down

and they rolled it away.



So her friend said, 'Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'



The loyal wife replied, 'Listen, I'm a Christian;



I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him.'





You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?'



'I sure did,' said the wife.



'I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a Cheque....



If he can cash it, then he can spend it.'



Navek

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 15:26

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend at his mountain retreat. Their first night there, she undresses, and so did he . There she stood, nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties. He is in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 15:27

The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom. She looks at him and asks, "What's with this ... a black condom?" He replies, "I want to offer my condolences."

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 16:42

After her husband's cremation, the widow sat at the table with his casket of ashes and the contents of his bank account in cash. All his life, he was desperately tight with money and they never had any luxuries.



Sadly she took a wad of notes and said to the casket, 'Here is the fur coat I always wanted'. She picked up another and said 'This is for the World cruise I have always dreamed of'. Yet another she told the box was for the new carpets and furniture that we needed badly but you would never buy.



'All these years Jim' she said 'I have done without because you were so mean, but you also went without things you wanted. It's time to let bygones be bygones' She took the lid off the casket and said 'So now I will have all I ever needed and as for you Jim' She blew hard into the casket and said...........















Here is the Bl-w job you never got. You tight B@s--rd

boglefan



Joined: 07/06/2009
Posts: 511

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 17:15

One year a man bought his mother-in-law a cemetry plot as a Christmas gift, the next year he bought her nothing. She asked him why and he replied that she hadn't used the gift from last year.

minertor



Joined: 14/02/2009
Posts: 1238

Message Posted:
21/07/2009 23:18

Guy dies in the middle of sex. Mortician phones widow and says, "he still has an erection and it's so enormous I couldn't close the casket, I'm afraid I've had to amputate it" The widow cries "I hope you haven't thrown it away, it was his pride and joy" Mortician replies "No I haven't, I've put it under him, safely nestled between the cheeks of his arse" When the widow visits the funeral parlour to pay her last respects, she looks at him in the coffin. She's sure there are tears running down his face. She leans close and whispers "aye, it hurts doesn't it yer selfish b@st..d"

tinker


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 156

Message Posted:
22/07/2009 00:28

Paddy got his mate Mick to promise that when he died .. Mick had to get the finest bottle of Irish whiskey & pour it over his coffin as it is lowered into the grave .. To be sure said Mick but would you mind if I passed it through my bowels first ..