The Best Irish Joke Ever

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 15:27

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2008!













John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!'













That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!















He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.'















She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?'













John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.'















'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said.















The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.













The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.'





She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pu

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 15:29

pull his ears to make him come.





rest of the joke

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 15:35

One of the best I have to agree with you

SteveAustin



Joined: 10/03/2008
Posts: 202

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 17:08

Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didn't even know they had mobile phones!'



Q. What's an Irish priest & a pint of Guinness got in common?



A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!



Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick says 'Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!'



Paddy says 'What's his name?'



Mick replies 'Miles from London !'

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 17:48

love them even though you make jokes about my race. Thats the great thing we can laugh at overselves. Keep them coming xxxxxx

paddywack


Joined: 04/05/2009
Posts: 959

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 21:46

Let them carry on,whilst they are laughing at us they are leaving everyone else in peace.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 21:50

paddy we are so humble. We will always have the last laugh xxxxxx

paddywack


Joined: 04/05/2009
Posts: 959

Message Posted:
09/08/2009 22:40

Never stop.

andre 514


Joined: 31/03/2008
Posts: 1163

Message Posted:
10/08/2009 00:33

why don't australians suffer from mental illness?



bruce goes to see the psychiatrist...



psychiatrist: "how yer doin' cobber?"



bruce: "no worries, mate"



psychiatrist: "you sound fine to me NEXT PLEASE!"

andre 514


Joined: 31/03/2008
Posts: 1163

Message Posted:
10/08/2009 00:50

some building workers are having their lunch break on the roof of a high block



jock opens his lunch box and finds he has spam sandwiches

"my wife made me spam sandwiches the noo and I hate spam!"

jock jumps off the building to his death



taffy then opens his lunch box and learns he has peanut butter sandwiches

"my wife made me peanut butter sandwiches boyo and I hate peanut butter!"

taffy jumps off the building to his death



paddy opens his lunch box and sees he's got cheese and pickle sanwiches

"my wife made me cheese and pickle sandwiches begorrah and I hate cheese and pickle!"

paddy jumps off the building to his death



two other building workers are standing close by and one says to the other:

"you know it's a funny thing, paddy isn't married and he told me he makes his own sandwiches"

Stubs


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 641

Message Posted:
10/08/2009 01:06

Paddy asked Mick "why do divers always jump backwards off of the boat?"



Mick replies " Because if the jumped forwards they would still be on the bloody boat!"

Rottolover



Joined: 21/06/2009
Posts: 519

Message Posted:
10/08/2009 06:39

Hi Andre,



Where are you from? I guess it's not Australia, Scotland, Wales or Ireland...



Loved that Aussie psychiatrist.

guidosp1


Joined: 30/12/2008
Posts: 341

Message Posted:
10/08/2009 07:50

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million pounds. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million pounds. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."

The kid is puzzled, but decides to ask his mother. "Mum, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"

"Don't tell your father, but yes, I would," she replies.

He then goes to his sister's room. "Sis, if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?"

She replies, "Omigod! Definitely!"

The kid goes back to his father. "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality, we are living with two sluts."

guido