Erectus Trouserious

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
08/05/2008 16:07

The Erectus Trouserious or the trouser snake is the worlds most dangerous snake.



It varies in colour from pink to black. It is fangless, average length 3-7 inches although it is said to reach 10 inches depending on the honesty of it's owner.



It appears in bedrooms ataccking women in the mouth or lower abdominal area, it highly venomous spit can cause swelling lasting 9 months !!!



Some Mutant species are also known to atack men from behind.

kavenkoy


Joined: 10/04/2008
Posts: 1787

Message Posted:
08/05/2008 17:12

very good nige



kav

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
08/05/2008 19:36

Good one littlenige

Think iv seen them in scotland, makes you want to choke them.

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
08/05/2008 20:25

Nigel,

Its good to know that you are feeling normal again after that accident

ismet

cruggs


Joined: 06/04/2008
Posts: 498

Message Posted:
09/05/2008 00:35

hi littlenige,are you sure you have the right species, as it sounds to me ,more like the (slowus-wormus) as the apperance can be confusing in the dark so iv'e

been told.if anybody should get bitten it is imperative ,to get the poison .sucked

out.immedietly or you could go blind.

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
09/05/2008 01:15

Hi littlenige,



Is there any possibility that this could be contagious?



If so, please send sample to.........



Wynyardman@ wynyard UK (plain brown envelope)

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
09/05/2008 20:02

Apparenteley you can catch it from toilet seats,

Paul.

watty


Joined: 04/04/2008
Posts: 77

Message Posted:
13/05/2008 12:20

Newlad



A friend of mine was told by his doctor that he had caught a social desease, to which he told the doctor he must have caught it from the toilet seat, the doctor told him he must have been kissing it because it was in his mouth.

AndyP



Joined: 18/04/2008
Posts: 517

Message Posted:
13/05/2008 13:39

MILKING THE SNAKE:



1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile,with the thumb in the front.



2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.



3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, starting to spit.



4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last known time the snake attacked.



5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 15 - 20 minutes.



CONCLUSION:



This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and when treated with the right kind of respect, makes a wonderful pet.

Izzet



Joined: 01/12/2006
Posts: 920

Message Posted:
13/05/2008 22:36

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:



1. I do physical labor.

2. I work at great depths.

3. I plunge head first into everything I do.

4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

5. I work in a damp environment.

6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.

7. I work in high temperatures.

8. My work exposes me to diseases.



_____________________________



Dear Penis,



After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:



1. You do not work 8 hours straight.

2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.

3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.

5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

7. You dont always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.

9. You are unable to work double shifts.

10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.

11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.