No women. one for the lads only *joke*

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:21

A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.



This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, 'Why do you keep looking in your pocket?'



The man replies, 'I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home!'

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:28

tiggy xxxx

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:29

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman in the corner and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, £100 an ounce!"



Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, £150 an ounce!"



About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, turns and squeezes out a fart......"Broccoli - 49 pence a pound!"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:35

This woman is shopping in a supermarket. She puts in her trolley



1 Toilet Roll

1 Toothbrush

An apple

4 TV dinners

1 Yoghurt

1 Tin of Beans



She heads over to the checkout where this spotty geek is serving.

He looks at her and says 'I take it you are single then'

She giggles looks at her shopping and says 'How did you guess?'

He replies looking straight at her 'Because your a f***ng ugly bitch'

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:36

Bill that made me howl..best joke ever.

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:39

The broccoli one I mean..

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:42

NO peeking...... please ladies!

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
12/11/2009 17:45

Two women in a lift did it for me, cracking up here )

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
13/11/2009 07:32

Message 3 Brilliant can't stop laughing.

jacktheladett


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 528

Message Posted:
13/11/2009 07:50

It's been scientifically proven that more women laugh at 'sexist to women' jokes, than men laugh at 'sexist to men' jokes.



So don't worry about the no women rule.............we can take it.

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
13/11/2009 08:35

One for the men

As it is Friday the 13th today don't try to tell your Doctor a joke while he is carrying out your prostate examination!!!

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
13/11/2009 08:50

One to be censored!

Young couple newly dating were walking in an antique shopping area of London (Church St). He discussing how dirty the Capital had become in recent years when he spotted a used tampon in the gutter. "Look" he said, "see what I mean!, now watch this". Picking it up he entered a nearby Antique shop where a large Gent of Israeli appearance was sat behind an old wooden desk. "Excuse me Sir, do you know anything about antiques?" He asked. "Of course I do my boy, I'm an antique dealer!". Came the reply. "Well" said the young man holding out the used tampon, "Can you tell me what period this is from!".



Richard