Instructions for Installing Husband

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 10:16

Dear Tech Support,



Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.



In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.



Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.



Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 10:17

DEAR Madam,



First, remember, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.



Entercommand: ithoughtyoulovedme. Html and download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2..0 and Flowers 3.5..



However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a poor program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.



However, DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus that will seize control of your system resources.) or attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program, which will crash Husband 1.0.



Remember, Husband 1.0 is good but has limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Think about buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Good Looks 7.7

stockiefan


Joined: 04/05/2009
Posts: 574

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 10:46

Please remeber the same applies to the wives, who incidently should be at home making pies for their husbands not working taking mens jobs! Just remember why women get married in White, to match the kitchen appliances, thats why their feet are shorter than mens, so they can stand closer to the sink, and thats why their fingers are shorter than mens, so they can reach the bottom of the cups while washing the pots.

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 10:49

Stockiefan,

I know why you don't have your photo on here! It's because you would get lynched for comments like that.

sporty


Joined: 06/12/2007
Posts: 685

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 10:55

Thats really funny sloan!i enjoyed that!thanks.

I'll show it to my wife as soon as she switches on her "get out of the bed at a reasonable time"application. lol

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 11:01

Install Divorce, download then click onto the Solo icon. It's very liberating but does carry a higher risk of catching viruses!



Richard

proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 11:52

Richard,

Dovorce 3.0 has its benefits but IMO they are far out weighed by the costant requirements for updates which by the way are never free, well I believe there is a contractual agreement you can get but then you have to install prenup 1.1 and that costs a fortune and the fine print is baffling

The only suggestion I can make is when you upgrade to Solo 3.0 stick with it, do not under any circumstances run out and try changing to a newer version of fiance 2.0 or dread the thought ballandchain 2.0 if you can do this I can almost guarantee you will get infected with the dreaded Icanchangehim.vir

My best advice would be to keep things as basic as possible and if you can handle the loss of pride that comes with it, run on YourRightDear 1.1 it will keep you out of trouble most of the time



Paul (Glad my wife is computer illiterate)

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 12:28

While my wife was out shopping or was it washing the car?

I installed on her system

1. sex 6.9

2. windows cleaned on your own 1+0

3. cooking made easy 100.1

tried the "get out of the bed at a reasonable time" application sporty,

but this severely affected the running of sex 6.9,

so uninstalled it immediately

Have heard that Mother-In-Law 1.0, is the worst thing that can be installed,

as this can take over your whole system,

and makes it impossible to view certain sites :-(

Football etc.

Navek

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 19:56

Sloan

A very witty, funny post that hasn't had the uptake it deserves so, I'm bringing it back to the top! Thanks for your humorous creativity!



Richard

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 22:29

Sloan ..I havent laughed so much for a long time.Excellent post and good replies as well...

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 22:31

Sloan..PS...perhaps installing Better the devil you know Programme might help a little..Got to be better than the divorce installation...

mrcyprus


Joined: 26/06/2009
Posts: 270

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 22:34

I liked than Sloan, nice read, kept me laughing.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
21/11/2009 22:39

Good one Sloan. Going to review my options. Thanks a million for the laugh xxx

AlexF065


Joined: 07/09/2009
Posts: 271

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 02:00

I think Girls should stick with boyfriend 5.0

As soon as you load husband 1.0 you also get Mother-in- law 0.5 which is a highly critical program which destroys cooking 6.9 altogether



I dont think Football 2.5 or soap 7.5 should be installed as these programs conflict and soap seems to overwrite all programs it does not agree with.

Lazy in bed 3.0 is good but it conflicts with early appointment 2.0

sex 8.0 is unpredictable as it romance 4.5 and presents 7.5 which bring with them the virus of suspicion which eats away until all that is left is divorce1.5 or yes dear 2.5 which is not satisfactory for the longevity of the machine

sporty


Joined: 06/12/2007
Posts: 685

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 02:20

i'm going to bed now to try to re-install sex program 8.0,however last time i tried to install it was so long ago i cant remember how to use the system! If i remember correctly it malfunctioned due to programs-what time do you call this 6.5 and have you been drinking again with your mates 7.2,then when i tried to push the right keys i got re-booted out of the bed!!

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 06:54

Sporty - I think your mistake may be that you're you're trying to use your 'floppy' drive - better to use your hard drive!

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 07:51

HA HA HA HA, great post sloan, I am crying laughing and how true it is )))

rigsby


Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 912

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 11:00

Stockiefan,You are so Right.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 11:12

For statistics fans: Probably the oldest version of this joke is afaik from June 1, 1998. Interesting to read how the joke changed throughout the years. Read result # 4: | http://is.gd/50Uup |

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 13:33

It was sent by a very good friend in England who sends me about 10 a week. I had to paraphrase a little to get it to fit into the box.



I enjoyed it and thought long and hard about whether to share it, as on this board you often get shot down in flames for posting irrelevancies. However, I bit the bullet ......

magalan


Joined: 17/01/2009
Posts: 227

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 19:34

Great post - funniest one for ages.



BTW, you can override all those unnecessary progs listed above by reformat and installing Of Course It Was My Fault.wak as the operating system

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 19:50

Well done Sloan, plagiaristic or not it gave me great merriment.

So, one for Hans who just had to put a damper on your post.



"The Dutch are the only people I know who choose to live on or below the sea bed. This is due to the fact that the lazy sods spend most of their time reclining in a horizontal position and therefore become instantly nauseous when exposed to altitudes in excess of 5 metres. Traditionally, they wear little wooden boats on their feet in case the tide comes in unexpectedly,"!



Richard

AlexF065


Joined: 07/09/2009
Posts: 271

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 21:38

LOL Brinsley (Richard)

JoanneM


Joined: 24/06/2009
Posts: 266

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 21:43

So funny, thanks for the laugh!!!!

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
22/11/2009 22:42

Ooooooohhhhh! Brinsley!



"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me." Alice Roosevelt Longworth