Joke: World Cup 2010

Aslan


Joined: 23/06/2008
Posts: 757

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 11:30

An English football fan was such an admirer of the Argentinean national squad team that he decided he wanted to become an Argie.



The bloke visited a doctor to find out how to go about this.



“Well” said the doctor, “this is a very delicate operation and there is a lot that can go wrong. I will have to remove half your brain”.



“That’s OK” said the Englishman. “I’ve always wanted to be an Argie and I’m prepared to take the risk”.



The operation went ahead but the Englishman woke to find the doctor at the foot of his bed.



“I’m so terribly sorry” the doctor said.



“Instead of removing half the brain, there was a mistake in the operating theatre and we removed your entire brain by mistake.”



The patient replied, “No problem, doctor, I’ll support the French instead.”

AndyLynnW


Joined: 05/12/2008
Posts: 61

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 12:31

As always Scottish soccer fans were glued to the TV yesterday to watch the World Cup draw......

Aslan


Joined: 23/06/2008
Posts: 757

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 12:41

I think they lost their very own little world cup final to Wales the other weekend, bless

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 12:45

What World Cup draw was that?

See your lads got a bye into the knock out stages,

anything less than 10-0 will be looked upon as a loss.

God lukc

Navek

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 12:56

Goon one aslan

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 13:22

RE msg 4, Navek: So you start the World Cup as a fan of the English team?! (Hard to imagine, but it is possible). But later on, when Holland has knocked the English team out of the tournament, what then? Become a fan of the Orange squad? (I'm fully prepared to introduce you to the Orange fan club - you, being Scottish, may easily become a honorary member!). You would support the next World Champion!

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 14:07

For Navek (under your bed cushion...) | http://is.gd/5d7z3 |

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
05/12/2009 14:23

Hi Hans,

Not an impossibility.

AndyLynnW


Joined: 05/12/2008
Posts: 61

Message Posted:
07/12/2009 12:27

......Scotland fans will be picking out a team to support this time.

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
07/12/2009 12:32

Re message 2,

How would you know????



message 9

how would you know???



message 6 We are with you!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
07/12/2009 12:56

A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some tosser wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
07/12/2009 12:56

We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?"

"Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked.

The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex."

"No shit!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
07/12/2009 13:02

Some actual quotes from footballers, managers and commentators alike...



"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." - Ian Rush

"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals out there today." - Steve Lomas

"The Brazilians were South America, and the Ukranians will be more European." - Phil Neville

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." - Mark Viduka

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." - Alan Shearer

"I was a young lad when I was growing up." - David O'Leary

"We must have had 99% of the game. It was the other three per cent that cost us the match." - Ruud Gullit

"If they hadn't scored, we would've won." - Howard Wilkinson

"I have a number of alternatives, and each one gives me something different." - Glenn Hoddle

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
07/12/2009 13:02

"The ageless Dennis Wise, now in his thirties." - Martin Tyler

"Martin O'Neill, standing, hands on hips, stroking his chin." - Mike Ingham

"West Germany's Briegel hasn't been able to get past anyone yet - that's his trademark." - John Helm

"Sporting Lisbon in their green and white hoops, looking like a team of zebras." - Peter Jones

"Celtic manager Davie Hay still has a fresh pair of legs up his sleeve." - John Greig

"On the night, it just wasn't our day." - Gary Neville (I think)

"If you're not committed to winning, there's no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - Kevin Keegan

"(In Barcelona) Look at these olive trees! They're over 200 years old - before the time of Christ!" - Bobby Robson

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Stuart Pearce

Another one from the 1986 World Cup, cant remember who the commentator was:

"Ray Wilkins sends an inch perfect pass to no one in particular"

Rodzilla


Joined: 22/10/2009
Posts: 31

Message Posted:
08/12/2009 13:46

As for the England draw The Sun newspaper summed it up best



England

Algeria

Slovenia

Yanks

AndyLynnW


Joined: 05/12/2008
Posts: 61

Message Posted:
08/12/2009 19:30

Nurse Awful,



The pubs were full of Scots watching the World Cup draw, thats how I know.



Dont know which Team they will support this time ( they seldom get to support their own in any major Football competition).

ripoffrock


Joined: 05/08/2008
Posts: 255

Message Posted:
08/12/2009 21:59

They will support any team that plays England.

newscoop


Joined: 23/12/2007
Posts: 2197

Message Posted:
08/12/2009 22:38

It's gonna be awfy expensive buying Algerian Slovenian and US shirts.



That said a jock pal of mine has started learning the Algerian and Slovenian anthems.



He awready kens the yankee ane

ripoffrock


Joined: 05/08/2008
Posts: 255

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 17:12

TREASON!!!!!!!



OFF WITH HIS HEAD.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 17:14

Slovenia

Ziv� naj vsi nar�di,

ki hrepen� docakat' dan,

da, koder sonce hodi,

prepir iz sv�ta bo pregnan;

da rojak

prost bo vsak,

ne vrag, le sosed bo mejak!



English:

God's blessing on all nations,

Who long and work for that bright day,

When o'er earth's habitation

No war, no strife shall hold its sway;

Who long to see

That all man free

No more shall foes, but neighbours be

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 17:16

Algerian



Latin Transliteration from the Arabic



Qassaman Binnazilat Ilmahiqat



Waddimaa Izzakiyat Ittahirat.



Qassa Walbonood Illamiaat Ilkhafiqat



Filgi bal Ishshamikhat Ish shahiqat



Nahno Thurna Fa hayaton Aw ma maat.



Wa Aqadna Alazma An Tahya Algazair



Fashhadoo! Fashhadoo! Fashhadoo!





Nahno Gondon Fi Sabil Il hakki Thorna



Wa Ila Isstiqlalina Bilharbi Kumna.



Lam Yakon Yossgha Lana Lamma Natakna



Fatta khathna Rannat Albaroodi Wazna



Wa Azafna Naghamat Alrashshashi Lahna



Wa Aqadna Alazma An Tahya Algazair



Fashhadoo! Fashhadoo! Fashhadoo!





Nahno min Abtalina Nadfaoo Gondon



Wa Ala Ashlaina Nassnaoo Magdan.



Wa Ala Arwahena Nassado Khuldan



Wa Ala Hamatina Narfao Bandan.



Gabhato Ltahreeri Aataynaki Ahdan



Wa Aqadna Alazma An Tahya Algazair



Fashhadoo! Fashhadoo! Fashhadoo!





Sarkhato lawtani min Sah Ilfida



Issmaooha Wasstageebo Linnida



Waktobooha Bidimaa Ilshohadaa



Waktobooha Libany Ilgeeli gha

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 17:17

Original French Words



Par les foudres qui an�antissent,



Par les flots de sang pur et sans tache,



Par les drapeaux flottants qui flottent



Sur les hauts djebel orgueilleux et fiers,



Nous juron nous �tre r�volt�s pour vivre ou pour mourir,



Et nous avons jur� de mourir pour que vive l'Alg�rie!



T�moignez! T�moignez! T�moignez!





Nous sommes des soldats pour la justice, r�volt�s,



Et pour notre ind�pendance nous avons engag� le combat,



Nous n'avon ob�i � nulle injonction en nous soulevant.



Le bruit de la poudre a �t� notre mesure



Et le cr�pitement des mitrailleuse notre chant favori.



Et nous avons jur� de mourir pour que vive l'Alg�rie!



T�moignez! T�moignez! T�moignez!





Sur nos h�ros nous b�trions une gloire



Et sur nos corps nous monterons � l'immort

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 17:17

English Translation



We swear by the lightning that destroys,



By the streams of generous blood being shed,



By the bright flags that wave,



Flying proudly on the high djebels,



That we are in revolt, whether to live or to die,



We are determined that Algeria should live,



So be our witness -be our witness -be our witness!





We are soldiers in revolt for truth



And we have fought for our independence.



When we spoke, nobody listened to us,



So we have taken the noise of gunpowder as our rhythm



And the sound of machine guns as our melody,



We are determined that Algeria should live,



So be our witness -be our witness -be our witness!





From our heroes we shall make an army come to being,



From our dead we shall build up a glory,



Our spirits shall ascend to immortality



And on our shoulders we shall raise the Standard.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 17:18

Certainly make God Save the Queen look easy!!

ripoffrock


Joined: 05/08/2008
Posts: 255

Message Posted:
09/12/2009 23:45

What alot of ole tripe

Aslan


Joined: 23/06/2008
Posts: 757

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 10:46

Is true that the UK national anthem is the only internationally recognized anthem about a person and not the country?