[DAILY JOKE] Top ten reasons for being D...h

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:10

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH...

1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.

2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.

3.a. You can legally kill yourself.

3.b. You can legally be killed.

4. You’re exactly like the Germans, except that nobody hates you.

5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital…

6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it’s a national tradition.

7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country

8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you’ve never seen your neighbours.

9a. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans.

9b. If a war is started, blame the Germans.

9c. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.

10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:22

TOP TEN REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH

Two World Wars and One World Cup

Warm beer

You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events

You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket

Union jack underpants

Water shortages guaranteed every single summer

You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.

Changing underwear once a week, whether you need to or not

Bathing once a week, whether you need to or not

Beats being Welsh

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:24

REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH

When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay

Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time

You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries

You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs

You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4

If there's a war you can surrender really early

You can be ugly and still become a famous film star

Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride

You don't have to bother with toilets, just shit in the street

People think you're a great lover even when you're not

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:37

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:43

Good one Hans

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:49

REASONS FOR BEING AMERICAN

You can spell color wrong and get away with it

You can be a crook and still be president

If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything

You can call Budweiser beer

You can invent a new public holiday every year

If you can breathe you can get a gun

You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.

You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"

You can think you're the greatest nation on earth, when you're not, at all.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:49

They're not mine, Smithy! I only do what everybody here does: copy/paste from the Internet. And I'm a pretty good Googler, even when I say that myself. So prepare for 110 million Daily Jokes from me in the next 110 million days...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:51

REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH



Glorious history of killing South American tribes

The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees

You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc

The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans

Honesty

Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls

Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing

Gibraltar

Supported Argentina in Falklands War

You get to eat bulls testicles

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 16:55

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH

1. You ain’t English!

2. You ain’t English!

3. You ain’t English!

4. You ain’t English!

5. You ain’t English!

6. You ain’t English!

7. You ain’t English!

8. You ain’t English!

9. You ain’t English!

10. You ain’t English!

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:00

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN (second chance...)

1. Oktoberfest.

2. Okotberfest-beer.

3. BMW.

4. VW.

5. Audi.

6. Mercedes.

7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that would bring you to jail in any other country of the world.

8. You do not have to learn German as a foreign language.

9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious.

10. Contrary to common belief laughing is not forbidden by law (yet).

Extra:

11. You think you still own a piece of the Dutch beach.

12. You never returned the bike of Hans Doeleman's father.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:04

Hans/Bill - it shouldn't take you too long to cut and paste the "Top 10 reasons for being Welsh"



NB Before anyone says anything, I googled the above heading and am referring to what came up.

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:06

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH

1. You’ve got to be having a laugh, haven’t you?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:10

Hans - your top 10 in message 10 is 12! )

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:19

Hans, message 12 - Precisely.



J

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:20

Bill, message 14.



It's because English is not Hans' first language

deecyprus4


Joined: 27/07/2008
Posts: 3452

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:26

Thanks to DC and everyone for another side busting thread, esp the first german one, hans it was a corker.

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:30

Hans not only are you a wise old bugger you have a sense of humour too

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:36

RE msg 17, TopTen: (...) you have a sense of humour too (...)

=> I most vehemently deny that. I don't like your insults, mate...

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:38

RE msg 13, No1Doyen: (...) Hans - your top 10 in message 10 is 12! (...)

=> Efferithing in Djermany is bicker, Bill.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 17:57

#9 nice one hans..............

mamachina


Joined: 22/11/2008
Posts: 730

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 18:20

Does being half Dutch mean I can choose my half of the top ten? And as far as having a sense of humour ugh my dad took the biscuit for not ..... at least I didnt catch that off him.

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
10/12/2009 18:56

The English, obviously being the Superior Race, only need 5 reasons:



1: English is genetically, by default, understood by the whole world, (apart from America).

2: If anyone pretends not to speak English, just shout slowly at them.

3: We drive on the proper side of the road.

4: We invented Queueing.

5: Democracy. Our Prime Minister is always elected by the people,.... ;-(

8: We invented Mathematics.

newscoop


Joined: 23/12/2007
Posts: 2197

Message Posted:
11/12/2009 06:51

No1Doyen; France won the world cup in 1998.



Top ten reasons for being English/Scottish/Canadian



1: At any given time you can look down your nose at the rest.



2: One of us is the biggest country in the world. (If you forget Russia)



3: We are undefeated in world wars, and war in general.



4: If our football, cricket, and rugby teams are crap, there's always ice hockey to fall back on.



5: We invented or codified football, rugby, cricket, golf, tennis, squash, badminton, snooker, F1, darts, curling, ice hockey, basketball, netball, cheese rolling. To name but a few.



6: We also invented the net, radar, hovercraft, the jet engine, the computer, railways, pneumatic tyre, steam vessel, tarmac, iron bridges, iron ships, TV, and many many more things.



7: The first police force.



8: The mounties



9: Roast beef and yorkies, mutton pies, maple syrup. High cholesterol.



10: 2/3 of us are insulated from foreigners by a stretch of water. The other 1/3 has to put up with

Woodspeckie


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 2263

Message Posted:
11/12/2009 11:18

We are good at wars but not at football.

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
11/12/2009 17:33

Woodspeckie..with some elses help...

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
11/12/2009 20:18

RE msg 24, Woodspeckie: (...) We are good at wars but not at football. (...)

=> Hmm. From a famous poem (by heart, so Google it!):

Oh, poor old Albion

that never won a war

unless with help

from foreign powers...

adagirl


Joined: 01/06/2009
Posts: 371

Message Posted:
11/12/2009 21:07

Holland has the best plant data base in the world!