Joke: Health & Safety - soon to come in the UK - part 2

tonykyte


Joined: 19/04/2008
Posts: 270

Message Posted:
17/12/2009 16:27

Jingle Bells



Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way



A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe

for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also

consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture,

particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note,

permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To

avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request

that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise

nuisance.

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
17/12/2009 16:34

tony

You have e-mail.

AJ

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/12/2009 17:02

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey on the dusty road

Got to keep on plodding onwards with your precious load



The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load

that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in

the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and

how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period.

Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty

road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent

inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his

discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply

referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof

may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/12/2009 17:03

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are

Bearing gifts we traverse afar

Field and fountain, moor and mountain

Following yonder star



Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be

redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold'

etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the

potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A

suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause

in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher..

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by

stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC

routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest

route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the

guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three

kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
17/12/2009 17:03

Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels’ hooves.

tonykyte


Joined: 19/04/2008
Posts: 270

Message Posted:
18/12/2009 16:45

Hi AlsancakJack, what email ?

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
18/12/2009 16:48

The Rocking Song

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;

We will lend a coat of fur,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you,

We will rock you, rock you, rock you:



Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.



Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Such persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
18/12/2009 16:50

We must have had the same email! I think I missed part 1.

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
18/12/2009 18:00

tonykyte



'Hi AlsancakJack, what email ?'



Try checking the e-mail account that you used to register your Cyprus44 membership.

And if it is not a valid address any more then please notify the owner of the board Izzet.

AJ