lottery win Joke...

tattlad


Joined: 13/12/2008
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
23/12/2009 18:19

Paddy wins the national lottery, and Camelot rings him up and says, congratulations paddy on your enormous win, but you do realize that because the amount of money you won is so big we will have to put in your bank account in three goes,



Paddy says, well if your going to mess me about I'll have my pound back!!

tattlad


Joined: 13/12/2008
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
23/12/2009 18:23

A Vicar is attending the annual Vicars seminar, and is booking into a hotel, he says to the receptionist, do you have a room with disabled porn channel, she glowers at him and says NO you dirty B*st*rd we only have a room with normal porn!!

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
23/12/2009 18:34

great jokes love the paddy one )

TheScarlets



Joined: 14/04/2009
Posts: 877

Message Posted:
23/12/2009 20:22

There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.



The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'



Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'



And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English b**tard again .

TheScarlets



Joined: 14/04/2009
Posts: 877

Message Posted:
23/12/2009 20:42

A Welsh fan was watching a Six Nations game against Ireland in Dublin.



In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat - right next to him.



"Who does that seat belong to?" asked Dai from the row behind.



"I got the ticket for my wife," replied the fan



"But why isn't she here?"



"I'm afraid she died in an accident."



"So you're keeping the seat vacant as a mark of respect," said Dai.



"No," said the fan, "I offered it to all of my friends."



"So why didn't they take it," asked a puzzled Dai.



"They've all gone to the funeral."

tattlad


Joined: 13/12/2008
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
24/12/2009 11:49

Paddy is sitting at home with his broken leg in plaster, in walks his mate Mick, all right Paddy he says, can I get you anything ? Aye says Paddy could you nip upstairs and get me slippers, my feet are bloody freezing, OK says Mick, and off he trots, as he gets up stairs he walks past a bedroom and sees Paddy twin 19 year old daughters lying naked on the bed, he couldn't resist it, and walks in and says, your Da has sent me up to shag the pair O' yers, Ahhh get away with ya Mick they say, prove it, so Mick shouts down stairs, THE BOTH OF THEM PADDY ? Paddy shouts back, OF COURSE THE BLOODY BOTH OF THEM, F*CKING ONE'S NO GOOD IS IT...............

TheScarlets



Joined: 14/04/2009
Posts: 877

Message Posted:
24/12/2009 14:44

One day Alan Hall bought a bottle of fine whiskey and while walking home from Kyrenia he fell. Getting up he felt something wet on his pants.



He looked up at the sky and said "Oh, Lord, please I beg you let it be blood!"