JOKE. Beware of what ask retired people

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 05:25

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco's buying a large bag of Purina dog

food for my Daughters Springer Spaniel and was in the checkout queue

when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.



What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I

was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,

because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones

before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my

orifices and IVs in both arms.



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way

that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to

mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled

with my story.)



Horrified, she asked me if I ended

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 05:28

Contd.

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the

dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an

Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.



I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.



I'm now banned from the Tesco's.



Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in

the world to think of daft things to say.

smithy


Joined: 17/07/2008
Posts: 5301

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 05:32

what a great joke, very funny )

layby_lil



Joined: 13/11/2009
Posts: 141

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 12:17

love your style, Hatti, I hope it is a true tale

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 12:26

Hatti. Thats funny. )

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 12:27

Carol - I always knew you had a wicked streak - that's why I like you so much



Jean

x

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 12:32

Drove down the shops earlier. Was a horrendous journey even in a 4x4 and took twice as long as usual, but after 10 minutes I had safely made it. Got to the till with my basket of goodies, when I noticed my 87 year old neighbour standing behind me, with a 5kg bag of potatoes, packet of biscuits and a pint of milk, shivering like buggery cos of the cold.

I immediately thought to myself whilst packing my shopping, lets do the right thing here and be kind and considerate, so I asked her, "Did you walk here?"

"Yes." she muttered through her blue frozen lips.

"Must have taken you ages!?" I exclaimed.

"About 1 1/2 hours." she replied.

"Well, you make sure you wrap up nice and warm on the way home" I replied, "and watch those icey pavements, you know how easy old peoples bones break. Here's a top tip for you love, make sure you distribute the weight of your shopping evenly and that will decrease the chances of falling."

You see, there is nothing like a good bit of advice in times of

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 12:32

hardship and I have to be honest, I think she appreciated it!

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 12:52

Bill - you're all heart - you really are



J

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
11/01/2010 13:01

A true gent Bill, what a star.