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TopTen
Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246
Message Posted:
02/03/2010 12:08 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 1 of 6 in Discussion |
| PONDERISMS
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It |
TopTen
Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246
Message Posted:
02/03/2010 12:16 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 2 of 6 in Discussion |
| A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. The
6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started
cussing." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old
continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something
with hell and you say something with ass."
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old
what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll
have some Cheerios.
What Did You Say?.....WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,
and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother
in hot pursuit, slapping his rear end with ev ery step. His mom locks him in
his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers ou |
TopTen
Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246
Message Posted:
02/03/2010 12:17 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 3 of 6 in Discussion |
|
"I don't know," he blubbers out, "but you can bet your fat ass it
won't be Cheerios!" |
No1Doyen
Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617
Message Posted:
02/03/2010 12:51 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 4 of 6 in Discussion |
| If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for
your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried
in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a
good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars
to look at things on the ground? |
No1Doyen
Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617
Message Posted:
02/03/2010 12:53 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 5 of 6 in Discussion |
| Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you
naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to
smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you
going to be smiling?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? |
No1Doyen
Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617
Message Posted:
02/03/2010 12:55 | | Join or Login to Reply | Message 6 of 6 in Discussion |
| Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both
dogs!
What do you call male ballerinas?
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call
it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? |
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