Joke: This made me laugh....before 9am!!!!!!!

flowerfairy


Joined: 17/09/2008
Posts: 1277

Message Posted:
05/03/2010 06:16

Billy Connelly Quotes of the Century



'If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?'



Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"



Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"



A gypsy girl sent an email to an agony Aunt "I am 12 years old and haven't had sex yet, do you think my brother is queer ?"



My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio



Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!



They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8

scoobydoo


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 2434

Message Posted:
05/03/2010 06:25

Very funny!



Are you always this awake before 6.30am (never mind 9am!)?

R.C.T.Man.



Joined: 27/03/2009
Posts: 746

Message Posted:
05/03/2010 07:20

Brilliant.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
05/03/2010 07:24

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right...... After 8 pints I talk sh1t and can't drive!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
05/03/2010 07:30

I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door..

They asked me what I would like for my birthday.

I was stunned when they gave me a gold Rolex.

It was very nice of them, but you know I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."



Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say "congratulations"

but none of them rub your penis and say "well done"?



My missus has just gone into hospital with two black eyes and a broken jaw.

It seems we were on different pages when she said she wanted "decking on the patio".

Carndi


Joined: 12/06/2009
Posts: 613

Message Posted:
05/03/2010 13:36

Ryanair pilot flying into Manchester and is having engine trouble.

he gets on the radio and say's.

'' HELP HELP. EASTER. PANCAKE TUESDAY,NEW YEARS DAY ,BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY,HALLOWEEN,BONFIRE NIGHT ''

A voice cmes back on the radio and says

'' FOE F...S SAKE PADDY, IT'S MAYDAY , MAYDAY ''.