Joke: tell me this won't happen to us !!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 22:37

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door.'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 22:37

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!



Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'



'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'



And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 22:38

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!



A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 22:38

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..

Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 22:39

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!



As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77

Please be careful!'



'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 22:39

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light.' After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,

'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!'

Mildred turned to her and said,

'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 23:20

Bill have you collected these on your break, i missed you. very funny i think i have moments like that, i even wrote a wrong order out yesterday, god was i in trouble. I told guido sack me please, you do not pay me i do this voluntary please do not shout, remember if you replace me you have to pay them, ok sorry i got. xxxxxxxxxx nice to see you back

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
22/03/2010 23:21

Thanks Liz.

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 10:03

Bill "Supersex" brilliant!!! every time I picture the little old man and woman I can,t stop laughing

maddy


Joined: 12/01/2009
Posts: 24

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 12:00

The best laugh I've had for a long time



Thank you



Maddy

Chegwin


Joined: 24/03/2009
Posts: 775

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 12:19

I was going to add something but I forgot what it was.

Chegs

FISHNCHIPS


Joined: 08/03/2008
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 12:41

a policeman stops a car for driving too slow on the M18, he asks the little old lady driver" why are you driving so slowly', she says "sonny i ALWAYS drive at the designated speed, so i'm doing 18mph" he tells her that the blue signs are the motorway number not the speed limit.

he them notices the passengers in the back with wide staring eyed and petrified expressions, " hey are your friends ok he asks?" old lady says, oh they will be OK, we just came off the M180.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
23/03/2010 13:36

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