Turning the other cheek...Can you do it?

Pixie


Joined: 18/03/2009
Posts: 489

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 08:34

I think about certain times in my life where I have been wronged, or hurt in a vicious way by someone who really meant to do it. I can't forgive and I can't forget. I remember those instants and I'm filled with hate. Is this damaging to myself? Can other people do it? Forgive and forget? What about you?

dublinderm


Joined: 26/09/2009
Posts: 538

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 08:37

Pixie,



I find revenge is a great healer.



DD

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 09:01

Hate can have a very negative effect on a person , it consumes , eats away at you , you never actually find peace , it can take over your life to a point of real unhappiness . I found out quite recently that i can forgive but can't forget { actually i don't want to forget } Because I want to remember what people can be capable of . A sort of protection really . Does that make sense ?

Simbas

tamand


Joined: 23/07/2009
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 09:06

No pixie its not damaging to yourself you are using your defence mechanism, me personally if I am wronged and I get an apology that is enuf for me to forget, but my mate, just cuts these type of people out his life, he calls them scum, hard words but I agree if they genuinely treat you bad, he has a special hatred of liars, (not fibbers) people who tell deliberate and scurrilous lies, all too often people find it easier to lie than tell the truth and then they find it more difficult to apologise when they are wrong, but it takes all kinds and people who hurt you dont deserve your friendship

CarrieRBag



Joined: 23/12/2008
Posts: 1374

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 09:33

I can usually forget but I do find it hard to forgive. I guess forgetting is a way of coping with it or "making it go away" but should I ever see that person (s) who wronged me....hmmmmmm... comes flooding back and all hell could break loose.



Surround yourself with good people and you will soon find they easily out number the cruel people in the world.



Maybe we should ressurrect "flower power" here on 44? What say you?

snakes



Joined: 28/10/2008
Posts: 1512

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 09:35

I know how you feel Pixie but a wiser person told me a while ago that so much energy can be used up with carrying these things forward ! I survive on the good old saying "what goes around comes around" and wait for news that certain people have had bad luck or bad health for the cruelty and pain they cause others ! keep smiling !

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 09:36

CarrieRBag



' Maybe we should ressurrect "flower power" here on 44? What say you?'



Cosmic.

frontalman



Joined: 28/02/2008
Posts: 499

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 10:27

Communication and conflict resolution skills are so important in life, but how many of us learn these as we grow up? If someone hurts you then the ability to tell them 1)how you feel or felt about it, 2)the impact their actions had on you, 3) what you really need from them, is so important, but scary to do, as it has to be done in a non-blaming way. The underlying fear may be that if I tell people how I truly feel they will go away, or withdraw their love or friendship, whatever the relationship is. To go through life carrying hatred is empowering on one hand, but so damaging to oneself and one's ability to have healthy relationships, because carrying emotional baggage means we are always reliving our past experiences in our present lives. I have tons of information on all this stuff as I used to facilitate self-development workshops in the UK. if anyone is interested in getting in touch with their inner child, then feel free to contact me.

onestop


Joined: 31/10/2009
Posts: 214

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 10:39

Frontalman

Please post your details or contact offline. Thx

frontalman



Joined: 28/02/2008
Posts: 499

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 12:02

I've sent you an email, onestop.

waddo


Joined: 29/11/2008
Posts: 1966

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 12:04

Everyone forgives and forgets in their own way - or you can go and visit them in the house with the padded rooms! The trick for you to learn is to forget then you will not have to remember if you want to forgive all the time. I am the sort of person who only sees things in black and white, no shades of grey, that makes it either very easy to forget and to forgive because in the this black and white world there is only yes or no, right or wrong, truth or lie etc, etc.

I have no doubt at all that I have wronged people in the past and will continue - unknowingly - to wrong people in the future, in the just the same manner I have also been and continued to be wronged and vilified - that is life I am afraid and you need to get beyond that but still understand it.

Think of smallest little thing you feel you should forgive someone for - the UK tax man takes my money every month and I don't even live there! Forget it, its life, live with it and smile more - smiles are the secret of lif

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 14:47

Life is what you make from it so why make oneself unhappy,Keep close to good like minded people,and you wont go far wrong,We all get hurt from time to time,and i have had a fair share of wrong doings against myself,given time one is able to forgive,If one wants to,otherwise let go of how hurt you are feeling,you will only give yourself more pain thinking about it constantly,life is for living and enjoying every moment of every day...I have counseling qualifications if anyone is feeling very upset with regards to own experiances please feel free to contact me,Letting go gives people a new found freedom and happiness..





Spider,X

Stubs


Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 641

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 15:03

The past is the past thats why we call it the past,

the future is the future thats why we call it the future,

the present is just now and why we should treat it as a gift



Someone once said to me life is like driving a car you look out the windows to the front and the side, but some people tend to spend too long looking in the rear view mirror

astonhilbilly


Joined: 05/05/2009
Posts: 162

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 17:14

It's a human reaction to hate someone that's wronged you, but life is too short.

Hard though it is, draw a line under it and move forward. You may not be around to see, but people get their comupance!

Geejay


Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 475

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 18:17

Pixie your feelings are "normal". Why should you forgive and forget ? None of us are saints and given the opportunity most would hit back at those who have hurt or damaged us in the past.

However, lacking that opportunity, put it on the backburner and get on with enjoying your life.

swannee7


Joined: 21/08/2009
Posts: 394

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 20:13

I read somewhere that before you can forgive others, you must first learn to forgive yourself - for all the dark thoughts, feelings of resentment/hatred, or deeds that have been harmfully committed. Which one of us , from the time we learned right from wrong, hasn't experienced all of those things ? They remain within us as negative emotions and negativity breeds discontent & disharmony. A mind at DIS-ease often leads to a DIS-eased body. Forgiveness of self takes time and energy but that is all positive, rather than negative. As we grow older we need to be at peace with ourselves as well as with others. Personally, I don't relish the thought of one day leaving this life still with any real feelings of 'angst' or 'aggro'. I'd be lying in state for all the world to see with huge frown lines all over my face! Think I'll try to bow out with a smile instead.

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 20:15

'Don't get mad - get even!'



If you obsess about the 'barsteward' long enough - you'll do it - then you'll be 'as happy as a sandboy'!

plslj


Joined: 02/11/2009
Posts: 52

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 21:45

I'm with you there Tenakoutou!! The world is great..it's the people who inhabit it are the problem. Unfortunately some aren't even worth the effort of forgiveness. I just have this 'delete' button in my brain, and they're gone!!

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
28/04/2010 22:17

Having broad shoulders helps and sometimes one can forgive but never forgets. That's why I've become a hermit as it is just at little conspicuous walking around the Law Firms near the Girne Post Office with a loaded Bazooka on my shoulder!



Richard

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
29/04/2010 00:55

To forgive makes youthe better person, you do not need hatered in your life as that makes you negative. That drains all your positive energies. As msh 18 says you casn dimiss them and shut then out but if you have not got that nature then remember forgibness is a greater tool xxxxxxxxxx

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
29/04/2010 01:01

Let him or her that is without sin, cast the first stone.



If you feel you have been wronged then appraoch the person and do not bottle it up.



I dislike several people.....I hate none.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
29/04/2010 02:20

I had a very volatile relationship with my late mother. I grew up with no sense of self-worth. I was quite a bright (I went to a grammar school), popular kid. I was an only child and I'm sure (looking back) she felt she did her best for me. In am not going to bore anyone with the details, but, what I would say is this; I disliked my mother for many, many years and it certainly had a huge bearing on the person I became/am now. I could not, out of respect and love for her, have told her how I felt, although having said that, she would probably have dismissed it anyway. Sorry for the ramble! Anyway, I, like most, find it much easier to forgive than to forget. I never forget (as many of my posts on here will probably be testament to). I wish I were one of the "least said, soonest mended" brigade. Sadly, I am one of the "Grumpy Old Women" - and I love it

Having said that, I do believe life's too short and I dread to think what would have become of my without my wonderful husband

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
29/04/2010 08:46

Lilli/Msg 20: 'remember forgibness is a greater tool xxxxxxxxxx '



Er, but not as effective as a tyre iron, a baseball bat, or Brinsley's BAZOOKA!