Essex Girl

jakki



Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 865

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 17:34

Being an Essex Girl but born and bred in the East End - people think that I get offended when hearing Essex Girl Jokes - I love them - my favourite :-



What does an Essex wine (whine) sound like?



'I wanna go to Lakeside'



I really must get a life!!

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 17:47

Why don't Essex girls eat pickles?

Because they can't get their head in the jar



I have more but tell me when to stop! I don't want to overstep the mark

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 18:03

Essex man and Essex girl are in the back of his Ford Cortina.

Essex man: "Jakki, can I kiss you somewhere warm, wet and fishy?"

Jakki : "No, it's far too late to drive to Canvey Island!"

Chessman


Joined: 13/05/2008
Posts: 486

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 18:06

What do you call a Essex girl with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant

stevie-d



Joined: 13/07/2007
Posts: 1420

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 18:24

Essex girl goes into PC world and asks for curtains for her PC, assistant says you don`t need curtains for computer, Essex gils says "HELLOOO" I`ve got windows.

stevie-d

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 18:41

When making love, what does an Essex girl use for protection?







A bus shelter!

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 18:43

Essex girl: 'I want to make love with the light on'.





Essex boy: 'Wot? wiv the car door open?'

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:03

What's the difference between an Essex girl and a supermarket trolley?



A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own!



What's the difference between an Essex girl and the Chippendales?



An Esssex girl has a higher sperm count!



And the old favourite......



How do you know when an Essex girl has an orgasm?























She drops her kebab!



Lem lol

saucyboy69


Joined: 09/02/2008
Posts: 111

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:17

How do you make an Essex girl's eyes light up



Shine a flashlight in her ear.

saucyboy69


Joined: 09/02/2008
Posts: 111

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:19

Whats the difference between an Essex girl and a computer?



You only have to punch information into a computer once....





Oh dear they get worse

Graham


Joined: 20/10/2007
Posts: 397

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:21

What do you call a basement full of Essex girls?

A whine cellar.

dy1259


Joined: 10/08/2007
Posts: 357

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:23

This is as bad as telling racist jokes, and no I don't come from or live in Essex.

ROBnJO


Joined: 30/06/2008
Posts: 1289

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:24

What does an Essex girl have around her neck to make her more attractive?









Her knees.









p.s. I was born in Essex but that's my last before getting moderated

chick


Joined: 02/07/2008
Posts: 323

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 19:31

Jakki

Like you I was born and bred in the Eastend and now live in Essex, I laugh at the jokes but honestly they are not jokes, the Essex Girl is really THICK

Susie


Joined: 06/06/2007
Posts: 87

Message Posted:
10/07/2008 22:05

I gave birth to my daughter in Essex so she is an Essex Girl - we thought the jokes weere very funny!

Nasist60


Joined: 06/03/2008
Posts: 35

Message Posted:
11/07/2008 01:59

Chick,



I am an Essex Girl born and bred in Essex and gave birth to my two daughters in Essex - yes I thought the jokes were funny but I do not consider myself THICK but who knows may be other people consider me THICK !!!!!

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
11/07/2008 08:00

Jakki,



I was sitting here weeping over the donkeys remains, and your Essex Girl jokes, really cheered me up.



Thankyou,



wyn

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
11/07/2008 08:16

where did this thing about the essex girl being thick originate from { just out of interest

Harold2555



Joined: 19/04/2008
Posts: 1139

Message Posted:
11/07/2008 10:18

Simbas



I think they originate from various nightclubs in Romford, Colchester, Ilford etc etc.



Paul

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
11/07/2008 10:24

thanks harold

jakki



Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 865

Message Posted:
14/07/2008 23:31

My p-c has been broken for a couple of days - I do find the jokes funny though

and I'm pleased that they have cheered some people up - do not be offended by this one though



What does an Essex girl say after sex - 'do you all play for the same rugby team?'

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
15/07/2008 00:26

Another old one



If an Essex girl and a brick are thrown off a building, which hits the ground first?



A: The brick. The Essex girl has to stop to ask for directions.



Lem

jackeen


Joined: 25/06/2008
Posts: 222

Message Posted:
15/07/2008 01:48

Hi Simbas, did you get the flight you wanted?Can you tell me are flights to Ercan really direct orl a stopover in Instanbul? I am waiting for a business agreemnet to be finalise which should be later this week or at late next monday or tuesday and then i will be looking for a flight and accomodation in NC. I am hoping that you can help with info for the flight I will go on the forum asking for acc for one person.

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
15/07/2008 08:50

hi jackeen , yes i got the flight i wanted , but my husband had got a board meeting .he's trying to sort something out , no all the flights stop over in turkey , but unofficially apparently , on a thursday there are two flights going at the same time from stansted and what they do is put all the people going to ercan on the same plane and sometimes it goes directly to ercan , i have never been lucky , but there are people on the forum who have been . the flight prices as you saw are quite expensive last minute . but i always use transit management ltd but they did'nt have the seats the days i wanted ,but you might be luckier the tel no is 01689832532 ask for ray , he is very helpful

good luck simbas

bondi


Joined: 12/07/2007
Posts: 116

Message Posted:
15/07/2008 09:06

Yes you are right! two flights going out of stansted around 9.30pm/9.45pm respectively or thereabouts(thursdays) - my partner was lucky, on two occasions he got booked on these flights they put all the destination Ercan on one and it goes direct, with a great cheer from all on board when after say 4 hours they say we are coming into land at Ercan! If you notice they never put the package holiday makers on them - too risky and also pickups at this end would be too early etc.



We never spoke openly about it as we thought that some killjoy official would attempt to put a stop to it. However, it does show that there are direct flights with no outcry - I suppose this is one of the worst kept secrets that thursday night flights from stansted- if there are two with near enough same timings one will go direct. Long may they continue.

Dusterbruce


Joined: 03/08/2007
Posts: 1125

Message Posted:
15/07/2008 09:46

What does an Essex girl use to keep her ankles warm?

Her knickers!



Whats an Essex girl's idea of French cooking?

Sex in a transit (coq au vin)



What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to attract men?

Her ankles

chick


Joined: 02/07/2008
Posts: 323

Message Posted:
15/07/2008 14:49

Bondi. I have been on package holidays and twice I have flown in direct to Ercan