essex hurricane appeal

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 07:37

A major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in Basildon . Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".



The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair.



Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon .



One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 07:38

My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."



Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.



The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.



HOW CAN YOU HELP?



This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:



Fila or Burberry baseball caps



Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)



Shell suits (female)



White sport socks



Rockport boots



Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 07:40

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:



Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew. 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.



£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9. £5 buys B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.



**Breaking news**



Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry Alco-pop. 'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.



“ROMFORD" said the girl, "woss that gotta do wiv you?

wanderer


Joined: 05/02/2009
Posts: 1653

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 08:05

Foxy Lady has some white 6" stilettos' various sizes could we arrange shipment the shop owner will sell at cost and offer free shipping to Basildon

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 08:20

Very Good ) more on it here in The Essex Herald - http://www.essexherald.com/breakingnews.htm

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:24

The sad thing is, this could be any town in the UK now.

matula


Joined: 07/07/2008
Posts: 647

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:25

Nice one Groucho. Good to start the day "wiv a larf"

nurseawful



Joined: 06/02/2009
Posts: 5934

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:30

Nice on Groucho that did make me laugh. Just what the Doctor ordered first thing in the morning.



Chris

Pipie


Joined: 05/01/2008
Posts: 5499

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:30

Messege 6 def no so !! Groucho very funny nice start to the day !!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:31

My brother sent it to me as light relief, I'm sure he copied it from somewhere but it made me chuckle and we could all do with a chuckle at some stage...



Wanderer, if you look up the phrase "F*ck-me shoes" in Wikipedia is says see Foxy Lady...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:33

Gavin, what are doing looking up phrases like that?

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:42

Checking out lyrics by Amy Winehouse?

Rocker



Joined: 24/09/2008
Posts: 384

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 09:54

Thanks Groucho it was nice to have a laugh.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 10:02

thanks grouch made me laugh too xx

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 12:48

Grouch...you had me going for a moment. ) being a full bred Essex girl myself.was thinking them poor old sods.!!

something to keep the smile on my face.thanks





Spider,X

jamestalbot


Joined: 20/12/2009
Posts: 958

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 12:55

Thanks Groucho , made me laugh, very funny.





James

TRNCVaughan


Joined: 27/04/2008
Posts: 4578

Message Posted:
26/05/2010 13:06

The Russians accidentally dropped a hydrogen bomb on Essex and did millions of pounds worth of improvements.