Joke. The Miracle Worker

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
28/05/2010 18:16

So, Marvin the 'Miracle Worker' says today he will 'Perform 2 Miracles' in front of his audience.



First man to walk on the stage is on crutches. He says his name is 'Brian' and has needed these crutches for years following a serious car accident.



'Brian', Marvin says, 'Go behind the curtain...today we are going to perform a Miracle'!



Next man on stage says his name is 'D...D...D....D...Dave', and has always had this uncontrollable stutter.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
28/05/2010 18:18

'Dave, Marvin says, 'Go behind the curtain...today we are going to perform a Miracle'!



'Now Brian' says Marvin....Throw away your left crutch! And sure enough over the curtain is thrown a crutch.



'Now Brian', Throw away your right crutch! And over the curtain another crutch is thrown.



'Now Dave, Dave...Speak to me!!



And a voice from behind the curtain says: 'B....B...B....Brian has just f..f..f...fallen o..o...over..'

RachB



Joined: 07/05/2010
Posts: 75

Message Posted:
28/05/2010 19:27

An oldie but a good un!

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
28/05/2010 21:10

A Russian, an Israeli, an Arab, a German, an Englishman, an Irishman, a Scot, and a Welshman are enjoying a business lunch at a swank hotel. Copious amounts of wine are taken with the food followed by Brandies and cigars, then onto all the favourite tipples such as Vodka, Whisky etc. All are absolutely s..t faced by this stage, all order books are full, so the glow of success for all turns into bottle after bottle of expensive Champagne. This continues into the early hours until the waiters retire and the bill (in excess of £3,000) is presented. Jock shouts at the waiter "See you here Jimmie, I will see to that" followed by rapturous applause for his generosity. The next day the Newspaper Headlines read "Jewish ventriloquist found bludgeoned to death by a single (empty) malt Scottish whiskey bottle at rear of hotel" !

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
28/05/2010 21:41

The judge says to a double-homicide defendant, "You're charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b***ard!"

The judge says, "You're also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with a hammer."

The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, "You b***ard!"

The judge stops and says to the guy in the back of the courtroom, "Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime. But no more outbursts from you, or I'll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?"

The guy in the back of the court stands up and says, "I'm sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years, I've lived next door to that b***ard, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn't have one."

johnnybgoode


Joined: 08/12/2008
Posts: 252

Message Posted:
29/05/2010 10:31

i see the old JETHRO joke are out again.