glorious insults

ilovemydogs



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 501


Message Posted:
21/07/2008 18:31

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers.





The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."



A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."



"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr



"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill



"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill



"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow



"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).



"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)



"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas



"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln



"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain



"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde



"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill



"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... If there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.



"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop



"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."- John Bright



"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb



"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson



"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating



"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." Jack E. Leonard



"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford (one flash & it's gone. Ha)



"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed



"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand



"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker



"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain



"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde



"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... For support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)



"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder



"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

cyprusishome


Joined: 31/03/2007
Posts: 1132


Message Posted:
21/07/2008 20:23

Good one.



Will add another of the great Groucho Marx.



"Any club that would have me as a member I would not want to join!!!!!"



Sounds like the BRS to me.

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 614


Message Posted:
21/07/2008 20:30

how about Spike Milligans epitaph 'I told you I was ill)

come_on_aylin


Joined: 14/06/2008
Posts: 237


Message Posted:
22/07/2008 15:29

My personal favourite:



Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”



Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 2592


Message Posted:
22/07/2008 15:36

and one from me



Dogs are for life not just a Friday Night !!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 2369


Message Posted:
22/07/2008 19:13

Realising they will never be a world power, the Cypriots have decided to settle for being a world nuisance.



George Mikes, Hungarian Writer

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 2369


Message Posted:
22/07/2008 19:19

The trouble with America is there far too many wide open spaces surrounded by teeth...



Charles Luckman