{{Joke}}} Fun in the supermarket

MaggieAndBernie



Joined: 26/07/2008
Posts: 2012

Message Posted:
08/07/2010 21:31

Banned from the co-op - Didn't like shopping there anyway.



Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.





What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.



(I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was now enthralled with my story.)





C

MaggieAndBernie



Joined: 26/07/2008
Posts: 2012

Message Posted:
08/07/2010 21:32

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.





I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.





I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.





I'm now banned from the Co-op.



Better watch what you ask retired people.



They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say.

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
08/07/2010 21:39

Your completely barking Maggie )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
08/07/2010 21:40

A fat woman goes to her doctor and asks, "What's the easiest exercise I can do to help me lose weight?"

To which the doctor replies, "Shake your head from side to side" The woman, looking confused, asks, "How often should I do this?" The doctor replies "Everytime you're offered food, you fat git"    

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
08/07/2010 21:48

Paddy had been doing a milk round for over 40 years when his customers told him that he was starting to look like his horse, so he went to the doctors and explained his problem. He stripped for the couch and after he was dressed again the doctor, as he was writing on his pad, said, "yours ears are becoming pointed, your face elongated, and you are growing a tail. Paddy asked "is that a prescription you are writing"? and the doctor said "No, its a permit to s...t in the road"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
08/07/2010 22:29

A blonde walks into the library in a huff slams a book down on the librarians desk and says that book is crap, there's no plot and too many characters. The librarian says, "Oh, it was you who took our yellow pages".    

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
09/07/2010 06:10

Bill, you didn't use the search facility! omg





http://www.cyprus44.com/forums/38450.asp

johnnybgoode


Joined: 08/12/2008
Posts: 252

Message Posted:
09/07/2010 09:39

very good, had me in stitches.

more joke's are needed to enlighten our day.