Joke:- Birthday Wishes

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
27/07/2010 11:21

A bit of history. Our "little" girl is growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BIRTHDAY REMINDER



This week we celebrate a special birthday.







Monica Lewinsky turns 44.

Can you believe it?



It seems like only yesterday, she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees,

putting everything in her mouth.



They grow up so fast, don't they?

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
27/07/2010 16:07

Surprised that Jock has not replied with a wit of his own including the word "filth" ! I now wonder if Clinton has yet learned how to button/zip his fly ? and/or what he sent her for her birthday ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/07/2010 19:38

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. "I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that."

"Fine," I said, "I want to die when West Brom win the premier league."

"You crafty little sh*t" said the fairy.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/07/2010 19:42

Paddy's in Japan on business. The night before a golf game with his Jap partner, he decides to go to a brothel. While on the job, the girl screams 'Sung wa! Sung wa!' He thinks this means 'Very good! Very good!' so hammers on all proud ! The next day while playing golf, the Jap man sinks a long putt. Paddy wanting to impress, yells 'Sung wa! Sung wa!' The Jap man turns around and replies 'Wha u mean ...... wrong hole !!'

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/07/2010 19:45

Two blokes are in a pub discussing their lives. The first bloke says "We're still at it like rabbits!"

The second bloke replies, "Why? I only give it to her once a month! I call it Bruce Lee night".

"Why?" His friend asks.

'Enter The Dragon!" He replies.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
27/07/2010 23:54

Is it true ..

Fairies take their teeth out ..

When they go to a goblin party ..

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 00:22

harita...my guess is they all do when No 1 has a party..







Spider X

wattys


Joined: 07/10/2008
Posts: 278

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 10:47

No1 doyen



Am i to believe you may be a dingle supporter.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 10:54

I would never own up to be a dingle dongler. (even if there were such a thing) )

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 11:34

All the nobles and council are gathered at the Colosseum to organise Caesars birthday celebrations and dismiss the idea of throwing Christians to the lions as old hat and settle for crucifying them over a bonfire and letting Caesar whip and set fire to them. Come the day Caesar is elated as he moves from cross to cross whipping the Christians to shreds and saying "Best Birthday Surprise ever". As he starts to set fire to them he sees a skinny one at the end and shouts "bring me the whip back we have a whinging Brit here whose lips are still going ten to the dozen. He whips him ferociously the more but still the whimpers. "Bring me a ladder says Caeser, I can't hear what the impertinent git is saying" He climbs the ladder and puts his ear close to the Brit and hears a weak rendition of "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Caesar, happy birthday to you.

itsmestella


Joined: 13/07/2010
Posts: 12

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 19:25

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.



After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 20:57

Police in Liverpool just announced the discovery of an arms cache of 2000 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammunition, 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 20 tonnes of heroin, £50 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.



Local residents were stunned.



A community spokesman said: "We're shocked. We never knew we had a Library!"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
28/07/2010 21:49

The wife says she's leaving me because I exaggerate too much.





I've heard her saying this about 20 million times today.