Joke: Having Affairs

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 16:49

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they

fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover

to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon.'

'You lying bast@rd!

You've been playing golf!'

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 16:50

The 2nd Affair:

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about

having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at

the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind

my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 16:51

The 3rd Affair:



A mortician was working late one night

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a

startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!



'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be

cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for

prosterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have to show you something you won't believe,' he said to his wife,

opening his briefcase..

'My Goodness' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?!?!'

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 16:52

The 4th Affair:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the

front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him , then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue.' she replied. 'The Smith's bought one and I liked it so

much I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a

sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at

the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 16:53

The 5th Affair:

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent..'

'One Cent?' the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a

bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied,

'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 16:53

The 6th Affair:

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bed side.

He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to,' his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your

best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know, I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
30/08/2010 21:15

2 and 3 were my favourites, but all good ones!