Puns for the higher IQ

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 10:56

A mans Home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 10:57

A farmer:- a man outstanding in his own field...

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 10:59

Shotgun wedding's as case of wife or Death.

Practise safe eating, always use condiments.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:07

Drive yourself to distraction, how do you remember the roads back

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:12

Bakers recipes, you only get them on a Knead to know basis..

tattlad


Joined: 13/12/2008
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:14

Two Parrots stood on a Perch, one said to the other, can you smell fish.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:33

I've never really known what I wanted to do in my later years, but in the long run, I want to take part in the London Marathon.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:38

What about The killer who followed his victim into the forest where he was surrounded by the copse.

Mr Vince


Joined: 24/07/2008
Posts: 696

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:47

Motorists please avoid the cyclist on the psycopath.



Jumping to conclusions is my only form of exercise

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:48

The police are looking for a man with one eye.... typical inefficiency.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 11:50

Madman runs into launderette and sexually assaults the females doing their weekly wash and makes good his escape...



The Sun goes with 'Nut Screws Washers & Bolts'

LaptaMike


Joined: 07/10/2009
Posts: 1679

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 12:43

hehe, all very good

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:17

Msg 11

Must have been an open and nut case for the police!



Richard

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:24

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:27

In equations with square numbers I can never find the root of the problem.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:28

It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:30

Contacts are easy to lose, so keep your eyes on them.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:30

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:31

Make no bones about it but the ulna has a humerus side to it.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:38

a bycycle cant stand on its own, its two tired.



when 2 egoist meet its an i for an i...

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 13:59

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:02

And anyone who does it from the Aswan Dam is in denial...

maningi pusa


Joined: 07/09/2008
Posts: 120

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:06

Is Karl Marx grave a communist plot?

maningi pusa


Joined: 07/09/2008
Posts: 120

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:10

Is necrophilia a dead habit?

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:11

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy

Mr Vince


Joined: 24/07/2008
Posts: 696

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:12

Is flogging a dead horse Necrphilia



Is Muffin the Mule Beastiality

Mr Vince


Joined: 24/07/2008
Posts: 696

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:14

Are all Irish Homosexuals either called Patrick Fitzgerald or Gerald Fitzpatrick?

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:18

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:22

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:24

Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:26

The most important thing to know about becoming a urologist is that you have to be able to go with the flow.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:28

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:32

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 14:54

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 15:13

Two fishes were swimming one of them bang into a wall, the other one says dam !!

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 15:16

2 hydrogen atoms meet. One says i have lost my electron, the other says "are you sure" The first replies "yes im positive"

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 16:42

You can take a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.

Every inch a king, every foot a ruler.

Why is there only one word in the English language for thesaurus?

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 16:59

Deja poo - the feeling that you've been in the same sh*t before.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 20:25

The police arrested two scallys high as kites and breaking into a DIY store. One drinking battery acid and the other eating fireworks...



They charged one and let the other one off!

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 20:27

i think whiteboards are remarkable.......

elko2



Joined: 24/07/2007
Posts: 4400

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 20:49

I must say, each one is a gem.

ismet

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 21:29

Why were the police ever issued with pepper sprays...?



...this can only lead to more seasoned criminals.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 21:48

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 22:20

The food taster quit his job because he had too much on his plate.

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 22:21

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 22:22

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 22:23

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 22:26

And I thought Wanking was a Town in China!

Which it is!



Richard

proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 22:34

Things are more like they used to be than they are now

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 23:13

Dwarfism: It's a growing problem

martinev


Joined: 24/10/2008
Posts: 320

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 23:46

Would you call someone that used to like tractors an extractor fan ??

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
09/10/2010 23:51

Height impaired people just can't reach for the skies!



Richard

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
10/10/2010

Vertically challenged people should be shot from a high height!



Richard

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 00:02

But Pawn Brokers come up short too as they can walk under their own balls ! Jock, you really have stucking farted some insane but funny responses

proger1



Joined: 18/04/2009
Posts: 2919

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 00:03

took me a minute on the stucking farted there dd but you are absolutely right and up to now, no abuse



Well played Jock

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 00:24

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 00:31

Probably but it will not be able to communicate the fact

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 00:55

Prison walls are never built to scale

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 00:59

you lot are nuts but brill answers , love it .xxxx. Im trying to remember another joke to tell you xxxx

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 01:00

I fell out of a 600 story building and lived.



It was a library.

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 06:46

Message 43



Tempus Fugit - Time Flies



Indigo Fugit - Blue Flies

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:17

A backwards poet writes inverse.



He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:20

Is that being too negative?

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 16:20

A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 17:02

My ol' man had some strange ways then Strangeways got him. He got 5 years for being Frank and Earnest. He was Frank to his first wife and Ernest to the second.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 17:09

If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 18:48

Did you hear about the buddihst who refused novocain during a root canal ? his goal..Transcend dental medication

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 18:55

You feel stuck with your debt if you cant budget.

hammer


Joined: 09/12/2007
Posts: 115

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 19:01

venison thats dear isnt it?

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
10/10/2010 19:03

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 07:04

I would never go to another bullfight - last time they charged too much.

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 16:23

Here's a bit of advice for you.







Advi.

RickF64


Joined: 07/01/2009
Posts: 173

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 16:38

Are Homeopaths really Psycopaths that work from home?



What's the point of acupuncture?



Aromatherapy is not to be sniffed at.



Reflexology? Ah, now there's the rub.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 17:22

Must say except mine, the first 10 did not make me laugh....in fact no pun in 10 did...

efendioliver



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 545

Message Posted:
11/10/2010 18:55

a man in a lunatic asylum makes love to the laundry maid and then legs it out of the asylum



the SUN headline reads

nut screws washer and bolts



daft i know but i love it

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 01:40

Why does a gynecologist go down on the job!



Richard

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 03:58

Lilli asked me to look after her pet dog, I told her she was barking mad!



Richard

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 04:12

Had a banana of a Father, he had a split personality!



Richard

eager


Joined: 23/02/2007
Posts: 1272

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 04:13

i'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
12/10/2010 16:59

It was an emotional wedding - even the cake was in tiers.

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
01/12/2010 23:20

I wonder what would happen if people stopped asking hypothetical questions?

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
01/12/2010 23:45

This post must be on Viagra, it keeps on popping up!



Richard

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 00:40

I too thought it was a dun pun.

Enrico


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 209

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 12:57

Message 24.



Is necrophilia a dead habit?





Dunno, but it is dead boring.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 13:07

Old colanders never die, they just can't take the strain anymore.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 13:09

I'm not getting anywhere in geometry class. It feels like I'm going round in circles.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 13:12

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.



He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 13:21

Lots of good ones. Some would be useful in class to help teach homonyms.

Wish I was good at remembering and telling them!

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 13:26

Met my old friend, Jack on a plane and said,"Hi Jack", I got arrested!



Richard

tighmonadh


Joined: 06/10/2010
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 14:31

Virginity is like a bubble, one prick and it's gone forever.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 16:57

Why are there still Adder snakes if they cannot multiply ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 17:15

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 17:16

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

alphabeau


Joined: 22/11/2010
Posts: 13

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 17:24

Went to a zoo the other day, it only had one dog!



It was a shitzu!

Marvo


Joined: 30/04/2007
Posts: 194

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 17:58

A charity pantomime in aid of Paranoid Schizophrenics and Homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted 'he's behind you'

CyprusChill


Joined: 08/05/2009
Posts: 666

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 19:37

Bigotry is like yeast in bread.

Cobbler


Joined: 15/11/2009
Posts: 61

Message Posted:
02/12/2010 21:04

chef who cooks carrots and peas in same pot unhygienic

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 13:13

Every calender days are numbered.......................

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 13:15

I was sacked from the calender factory ........



all I did was take a day off..........

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 13:20

Confucius...



Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit.

Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.

Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.

Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.

Passionate kiss like spider web-lead to undoing of fly.

Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.

Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.

Virginity like balloon-one prick, all gone.

Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.

He who farts in church, sits in own pew.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 13:22

Confucius... rides again!



Baseball all wrong, man with four balls can't walk.

Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.

Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.

Man with penis in peanut butter is f**king nuts.

Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.

Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.

Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 13:24

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses................

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 13:42

I've been offered 8 legs of venison for £40. Is that too dear?

boroles


Joined: 28/11/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 14:19

you can now get Viagra in eye drops--- it makes you look harder.

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 14:22

Bernard Matthew's family are said to devastated after reading the will.



He only left a poultry amount ..................

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 14:30

I was really sorry for the dyslexic atheist with insomnia..............he lay in bed all night wondering if there really is a Dog.



Zookeeper's husband

batterboy58



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 442

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 17:02

Gynecologists never retire,



They like to keep their hand in!

batterboy58



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 442

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 17:04

My friend is a gynecologist, he once wallpapered his hallway through the letterbox!

IbrahimAbi


Joined: 24/10/2010
Posts: 245

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:25

Confucious:



Man who got to bed with hard problem wake up with solution in hand

gromit


Joined: 28/10/2010
Posts: 75

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:27

I've just been on a 'ONCE IN A LIFETIME HOLIDAY',.......











Never again!

gromit


Joined: 28/10/2010
Posts: 75

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:28

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

gromit


Joined: 28/10/2010
Posts: 75

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:30

An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:31

alcohol is always a solution..........

tattlad


Joined: 13/12/2008
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:37

The constipated mathematician, ............................... he worked it out with a pencil.......

tattlad


Joined: 13/12/2008
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 18:39

My wife has done nothing but stare through the window since it started snowing..........................

If it gets any worse I'll have to let her back in.................

tracer


Joined: 02/06/2010
Posts: 442

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 21:15

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 21:18

Two very rich and powerful businessmen in my town are fighting over whether the towns electricity should be generated by a nuclear plant or windmills.



It's a power struggle    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 21:21

I've got a big issue with homeless people...    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 21:25

I had an out of body experience yesterday.



I was completely beside myself.    

tighmonadh


Joined: 06/10/2010
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 21:47

Confucius said "man who crap on weighbridge does business on large scale"

tracer


Joined: 02/06/2010
Posts: 442

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 22:34

When they bought a water bed, the couple started to drift apart.

Pre-arranged marriages pre-pair people for the future

Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Uhm… how do you drive this thing?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 22:57

Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it...



You can say that again...    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 22:58

My mate was trying to convince me there are these islands way out in the Atlantic which are technically part of Britain.



'No way' I said, 'that's just Scilly'.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 22:59

I walked into a bar the other day with a newt on my shoulder.

The bartender asked 'What's that on your shoulder? Its tiny'

'I know. Its my newt'    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 23:01

Consumerism? I'm not buying it.    

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 23:04

The German art student subsidising her grant by working as a supermarket check out girl, known as Artilherthehun!



Richard

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
03/12/2010 23:24

Animal rights activists protest in the NZ Town of Waikikamukau!



Richard

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
04/12/2010 08:10

if a pencil#2 is so popular why still #2?

why do they sterilize the needles for a lethal injection?

if wal-mart is low price every day why nothing is for free yet?

is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? how would you treat them?

isnt it scary that the doctor call what they do ....practice?

why is the word abbreviation so long?

why fat chance and slim chance means the same thing?

does the expecting the unexpected makes the unexpected expected?

do coffing have a lifetime garantee?

guido

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
06/12/2010 21:27

I've had amnesia for as long as I can remember ............

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
06/12/2010 23:09

I really wanted to watch a TV documentary on origami, but it was paper view........

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
06/12/2010 23:15

Armoured Personnel Carrier. Amnesia ? Jock 1 wants the fifty quid back he loaned you last week ! He told you twice, once before, so he did.

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
07/12/2010 11:56

Mess 130



I started an origami club at university, but there wasn't much interest and it soon folded.



Zookeeper

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
07/12/2010 20:06

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, contact:







" I put "DOCTOR".

yenibob


Joined: 13/10/2010
Posts: 1203

Message Posted:
07/12/2010 20:20

A taxpayer is one who does not have to pass a Civil Service examination to work for the government.

lindoc


Joined: 30/08/2007
Posts: 220

Message Posted:
07/12/2010 21:32

The road sweeper that jacked his job, reason, to much paper work.



The bus driver jacked, fed up with people speaking behind his back.

Fawsley


Joined: 01/05/2010
Posts: 59

Message Posted:
07/12/2010 22:03

Confucious he say - man who takes girl to wood on the hill, him not on the level.



How do you tell if a girl is on the level - the bubbles stay in the middle.

alanka


Joined: 15/09/2007
Posts: 154

Message Posted:
07/12/2010 23:57

Brilliant!

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
08/12/2010 20:10

Well this is a rubbish spell of whether.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/12/2010 07:11

She was engaged to her boyfriend with a wooden leg, but he broke it of.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
09/12/2010 08:22

Once you have seen one shopping centre, you have seen a mall......................

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
10/12/2010 15:42

Why are there 5 syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
10/12/2010 17:32

How do they stick Teflon onto non-stick frying pans ?

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
10/12/2010 20:16

Two fonts walk into a bar. The barman says, "We don't serve your type."

Aslan


Joined: 23/06/2008
Posts: 757

Message Posted:
11/12/2010 11:58

I miss my girlfriend so much I think I destroyed the Amazon forest one handedly! (excuse the pun)

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
11/12/2010 19:47

I had a series of accidents when I was in local amateur dramatics - I kept falling through the trapdoor - my doctor said it was just a stage I was going through...

boroles


Joined: 28/11/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
12/12/2010 05:47

An old lady is speeding down the highway and knitting at the same time. A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle. “Pull over!” the cop says.

“No!” the woman replies: “They’re mittens!”

boroles


Joined: 28/11/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
12/12/2010 05:49

An old lady is speeding down the highway and knitting at the same time. A cop sees this and speeds up alongside her vehicle. “Pull over!” the cop says.

“No!” the woman replies: “They’re mittens!”

matula


Joined: 07/07/2008
Posts: 647

Message Posted:
16/12/2010 09:35

Diahorrea is hereditary----it runs in your genes!

Alig8aBytes


Joined: 27/09/2010
Posts: 83

Message Posted:
16/12/2010 12:20

What do you call a Japanese boxer whose father has diahorrea ?



...A slap happy Jappy with a crap happy pappy

apc2010


Joined: 28/07/2010
Posts: 1689

Message Posted:
22/12/2010 02:34

Do gun manuals have a "trouble shooting?" section?

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
22/12/2010 03:42

The very many merry men, members of C44 who fancy themselves but can never get around to it!



Richard