Turkey joining the EU? Over my dead dog's body - Jeremy Clarkson

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:28

Interesting article by Jeremy Clarkson in the Sunday Times 31.10.10 News Review section. I can't give a web link as you have to pay to read the Times online. I can give extracts.



'Back in the summer, Mr Cameron made an impassioned plea for Turkey to be allowed to join the European Union. ..'



'I'm sure up & down Britain people called Nigel & Annabel nodded sagely at these kind words. Many middle-class couples take boating holidays off Turkey's idyllic coast and come home with ornate birdcages and lovely rugs. Apart from the boatman who slept with their daughter, they like Johny Turk very much. How, they wonder, can the EU possibly turn its back on Turkey, with its lovely "for you my friend special price" traders and excellent restaurants, while granting membership to the revolting Bulgarians? And the Romanians, with their silly porkpie hats and donkeys? It's ridiculous.



In the past, Turkey's applications were denied because they liked to cut off peoples heads, and such a move .

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:30

...would have infuriated the Greeks. Today those excuses no longer hold water. Turkey has abolished capital punishment, and infuriating the Greeks is now seen, especially by the Germans, as a good thing.'

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:38

' Turkey has even managed to sort out its prison system. In the past, you were beaten on the soles of your feet for no particular reason and male rape was encouraged. We know this because we've seen Midnight Express. Now torture is discouraged and the homosexuality is apparently quite tender.

It all sounds fine, then. But I've just spent a bit of time in Turkey and I don't think it's fine at all. And not just because the barmaid at my hotel had only one word of English, which was "no". This made ordering a beer extremely complicated.

First of all, I didn't go to Istanbul or one of those turquoise coves you see in the brochures, because that would be like judging Britain on a brief trip to London and Padstow in Cornwall. No, I went to the eastern part. The region the Foreign Office warns us to avoid. Turkey's Lancashire. And I'm sorry, but the only thing I want less in the EU is rabies. It was absolutely awful.'

bigOz


Joined: 29/09/2010
Posts: 1244

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:39

Funny! But I hope Turkey has the sense not to enter EU. Then again it may be a good thing! All the Kurds from the East will migrate to Europe and the terrorism might even end in Turkey!

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:44

Classic, Hector!



A Kiwi cobber of mine hit 'The Big Smoke' [London], p1ssed up his savings in a coupla three days, so had to find work. He had a crack at potting seedlings in a garden centre and then wrapping Xmas parcels at Harrods.



He then hit on a brilliant idea: he got 1000's of car rear-window stickers printed and they sold like 'hot cakes' round pubs, offices, railway stations - in fact, wherever he went on his travels around UK.



The slogan on the stickers was: 'Turkish Shoplifter - No Hand Signals' !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I met up with the crafty bastard in 'The Prospect of Whitby' - he was so flash with cash, that he shouted the pub all night!

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:46

'In my view, a country must have certain standards before it can become a member of the EU, and my No 1 line in the sand is dead dogs at the side of the road.



Of course, you occasionally see a rotting mongrel in Portugal and it's very sad. But in Turkey they lie there like the forest of single shoes we see by the A1. Thousands of them. Maybe they are used as handy direction pointers when one is having friends over for dinner. "Left at the labrador. Right by the dalmatians' head, and if you see the sausage dog, you've gone too far."



The EU is supposed to be a group of civilised countries working as one. And I'm sorry again, but accepting a country that can't be bothered to clear up its dead dogs would be like Boodle's private members' club accepting a man who thinks acceptable to masturbate in public.'

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:51

'Sadly, though, there are other issues that must be addressed. Petrol, for example. I realise, of course, that if you water it down a bit, you can increase your profits dramatically. Furthermore, when your customer breaks down with a ruined engine, he will be many miles away, with no means of coming back to your place of business with a pick axe handle. But it's not on. Even the Spanish have cottoned on to this.'

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:54

'It's the same story with plumbing. The idea is that when you pull the chain on a lavatory, the contents of the bowl are taken far away from your nose; not fanned directly into the air-conditioning system, which itself is made from decaying dogs. This sort of thing may be acceptable in Mexico, but not in what should be seen as the world's boutique.'

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 18:59

'We must also address the violence. Yes, we have road rage in Britain and it's not particularly edifying, but in Turkey it seems that if someone carves you up in traffic, you are legally entitled to leap from your car and beat him to death.



And then there is the transport infrastructure. A road is a complicated piece of engineering. Foundations must be dug. Many different types of stone and gravel must be laid and compressed and hardened before a top coat of asphalt is laid. Filling a crop dusting aircraft with grey paint and flying over the desert may be cheap, but you end up with something so bumpy that your eyes stop working properly and you fail to see the next military checkpoint.'

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 19:01

Best I stop there. Does what he says ring any bells?

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 19:33

my alarm clocks just went off ?

measey


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 1037

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 19:40

The EU should go down on bending knees for Turkey to join they could teach most of the Members a thing or two , i for one hope they stay out of the EU would be more sensible as they would be more successfull staying as they are.



Measey.

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 21:10

Jeremy closes with

'And there's the thing. Mr Cameron says it's not reasonable to expect someone to guard the camp and then not be allowed inside the tent. But that's not true, is it? My local policeman guards my house from vagabonds and thieves but that doesn't mean I want him to come and sit by the fire every night.'

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 21:15

http://www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/comment/columns/jeremyclarkson/article433525.ece



Worth a try.

Paul.

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 21:35

I'm surprised at Jeremy's comments and observations. He obviously hasn't visited the very poor Asian parts of Bradford, Yorkshire, UK as I have. Not a pretty sight!

A multi-millionaire reverting to tabloid histrionics to increase his media profile.

Best I not spill the beans on his wife, Liz!



Richard

Woodspeckie


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 2263

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 22:34

measey. I hope they stay out too, I have 2 holidays a year in Turkey and I don't want to have to spend euro instead of tl. They do get a lot of things right, never seen any rubbish on a beach in the 23 years I have been going there.

hattikins


Joined: 17/02/2008
Posts: 2793

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 22:49

Perhaps the pompous git could stick to what he knows instead of waffling on about things that have naff all to do with him. Looking at what is happening in many EU countries just now Turkey will be better off out of it.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/11/2010 23:01

Clarkson is full of his own unimportance. He loves the sound of his own voice. Can't stand the man.

littlejohn


Joined: 09/03/2009
Posts: 316

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 01:17

Jeremy who ?

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 04:55

Even though not a petrolhead, I always watch Top Gear - though it, and Clarkson lately, are going downhill in my estimation. Clarkson's polemics towards Ben Collins (is it)? The Stig - are appalling considering he (Clarkson) makes a fortune from all the Stig merchandise yet The Stig made not one penny even though the world and his wife have known Stig's identity for ages now, plus yet Clarkson, who surely is rich as Croesus in any event, has done all he can to stop Stig producing a book now he has left the programme and is losing not one opportunity to try and discredit the man.............one has to wonder why.

Hippo


Joined: 02/02/2007
Posts: 2070

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 05:28

JC writes to make money, he is humorous and a clever guy, i agree his treatment of the Stig was not quite kosher.



His description of Eastern Turkey is a little flawed there are just as many dead dogs on the yeni bypass each morning.

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 06:45

If it has to be over JC's dead body... so be it!



Actually, a lot of what JC writes is a tongue in cheek expose of his viewers'/readership's prejudices and the irony and sarcasm needs to be acknowledged lest you glean the wrong meaning... The Al Murray's of this world need help in reading between the lines... not Al Murray of course as he too is poking fun at his audience...



The only benefit of Turkey being in the EU is socio-political, showing that the EU can do business with moderate Islam... However for economic reasons, not the least of which is the extortionate costs associated with membership, Turkey could do well outside because unlike large swathes of the EU Turkey has not divested itself of virtually all manufacturing. It has a comparatively robust economy with very little toxic debt.



What does it gain from membership? Joint responsibility for other profligate nations' debts and high cost of membership... A price too far? I think so.

jimchris09


Joined: 13/02/2009
Posts: 547

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 07:39

Once I read that Clarkson doesn't like cricket, I decided not to watch his programmes or read his articles/books.

ilovecyprus


Joined: 08/05/2007
Posts: 2880

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 11:14

I am sure there are some truths to what Clarkson says, but as he uses exaggeration and rant to make his point I am sure he has over dramatised his case. I certainly have little fondness for the man.



Anyway, I thought Europe was all about helping the sick and needy. By Clarksons description, Turkey is in need of Europes money and moral council.



If you pull back the curtain and take a close peep, we may find what Europe is all about. The glitzy exterior shows a well meaning Europe, a benevolent EU, however I am beginning to think that the EU is a desperate rear guard action to save European nations from insignificant anonymity. EU nations are on the decline and need to band together to keep strong. Perhaps then this actually makes the EU a good thing.



Who would have thought France and Britain would join militarily. At one time we were the two strongest independent nations on the planet. Now look at us both.



London is now the 8th largest town in France

Sundance


Joined: 15/07/2010
Posts: 213

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 11:56

JC is a bit of a prat when it come,s to talking about things he knows dam all about, he should stick to cars, may be his profile has gone down hill and if comes out with a load of trash he will be noticed again

I am happy with turkey not in the EU,



But its just my opinion



Sundance

waddo


Joined: 29/11/2008
Posts: 1966

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 12:41

Got to be some truth in it! After all he did describe Gordon Brown perfectly!!!!!

Clarissa2


Joined: 12/06/2009
Posts: 1476

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 15:53

Re :Msg 24,



"...to save European nations from insignificant anonymity..."



Have you joined the Tea Party by any chance?



Back to the topic of Msg1,



If one travels to the eastern Turkey, one understands better the viewpoint of those who say that if Turkey is european, then why not Syria or Iran or Afghanistan.

Turkey is not just Istanbul and the Med coast, go to the border with Syria and Iraq and have a look, then you will perhaps appreciate more Jeremy Clarkson's sarcasm.

ilovecyprus


Joined: 08/05/2007
Posts: 2880

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 16:03

re msge 27



Have you joined the Tea Party by any chance?



Not sure they would have me.

racoonchic



Joined: 17/11/2008
Posts: 3223

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 18:06

jc has a point that i mostly agree with and hectors comments are very true but personally i really dont want to be part of Europe not that my opinion matters as none of us living in the north of Cyprus will ever have our points of view recognised anyway

jimmyG


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 900

Message Posted:
03/11/2010 18:37

He's a hypocrite - where does he think his jeans are made?!!!