Joke - Flying cake........

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
26/11/2010 11:04

All these years I thought my granddad was killed in the war by a piece of flying cake..........



Turns out it was Jap flak......

JohhnyLee


Joined: 25/04/2009
Posts: 2495

Message Posted:
26/11/2010 14:50

My Grandad said he had a Tank in the Loft. (and he did)

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
26/11/2010 15:48

Paddy jumped off the roof of a high rise building he was working on when someone told him an uncle used to fly in Wellingtons in the war.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/11/2010 17:45

I see bird flu finally caught up with Bernard Matthews.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/11/2010 17:47

Please Note: Saying "Fact" after every statement that you make does not necessarily mean that it is actually true.



Fact.    

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 00:28

Paddy got 30 years for shop lifting. BOOM ...... lifted Marks and Spencers 60 ft in the air.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 00:51

) ) )

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 01:10

I got my viagra and sleeping tables mixed up last night - ended up having forty wanks

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 06:59

CRICKET LATEST



Pakistan lose to England in Twenty20 in Cardiff...next Tuesday



Mick walks into Paddy's barn and sees Paddy doing a striptease to a piece of red farming machinery..... Mick asks 'What are you doing?'

He replied 'Me an' Mary are having trouble with the marriage an' the doctor said it'd help if I did something sexy to a tractor......'

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 07:21

Copper pulls a Scoucer over for having a dog in the front seat, as he approaches the car he sees the Scoucer hit the dog around the head

"Why did you hit the dog"? Copper asks

Scoucer replies "the bastard just ate me tax disc"!

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 07:33

fat wife trying to spice up her sex life dresses up in lingerie & a cape,rushes into the bedroom & shouts "SUPER PUSSY",husband lying in bed replies "ok...i'll have the soup"

Enrico


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 209

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 11:15

Blackbird Message 11.

Well done I laughed out loud.

Enrico


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 209

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 11:20

Message 1.

I wish that people would not refer to the war, It makes me feel so sad as it it reminds me of my Grandfather who died in Auswitz.













He got drunk and fell out of a watchtower.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 11:59

Two muslim women talking on a bus. One says to the other, "how long have you been in England now?" "six months" says the other.... "and I've already learned how to speak Polish"!!!    

SteveAustin



Joined: 10/03/2008
Posts: 202

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 15:26

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.



The Doctor asks: "What happened?"



The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."



The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."



Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.



The woman says: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me! How does the tea do that?"



The Doctor says: "The tea does bugger all, it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick!"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 17:07

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It!



What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.



What are the three fastest means of communication?

1) Television

2) Telephone

3) Telawoman



How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.



What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 19:25

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.

The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.



This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?"



The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you Mug!"

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
27/11/2010 19:37

Double glazing was invented in Scotland.





To stop the kids hearing the ice cream van.    







Sorry Jock, only joking. )

frankedad


Joined: 21/11/2008
Posts: 346

Message Posted:
29/11/2010 19:34

a woman had a wild drunken weekend. a bit later the woman went to the doctors and said ,i have a problem , i was a bit wild the other week and now i am pregnant .. doctor so how can i help ..well she said ." i need to know if the baby is black or white". he said come back tomorrow..she did , he put her in the stirrups and gave her an internal.. he said the baby is black... she said how can u tell ... he said "it knicked my fookin rolex"



ps i am not a racist i just like that joke , sorry

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
29/11/2010 19:39

bernie brill xxxxx in fact loved them all