joke

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 17:35

A little paper bag was feeling unwell, so he took himself off to the doctors. "Doctor, I don't feel too good," said the little paper bag. "You look OK to me," said the Doctor, "but I'll do a blood test and see what that shows. Come back and see me in a couple of days." The little paper bag felt no better when he went back for the results. "What's wrong with me?" asked the little paper bag. "I'm afraid you are HIV positive!" said the doctor. "No, I can't be - I'm just a little paper bag!" said the little paper bag. "Have you been having unprotected sex?" asked the doctor. "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well have you been sharing needles with other intravenous drug users?" asked the doctor. "NO, I can't do things like that - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Perhaps you've been abroad recently and required a jab or a blood transfusion?" queried the doctor. "NO, I don't have a passport - I'm just a little paper bag!" "Well", said the doctor, "are you in a homosexual relationship?" "NO! I told you I can't do things like that, I'm just a little paper bag!" "Then there can be only one explanation." said the doctor...





































(this is good - wait for it) Scroll Down





































































"Your mother must have been a carrier"

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 17:36

this was my first attempt at copy and paste , under supervision you understand

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 17:42

I enjoyed that Simbas!



wyn

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 17:44

Thanks Simbas ... you made a dull Manchester afternoon ... bright again!

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 18:05

FEMALE GEOGRAPHY









- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.





















- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.





















- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.























- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.























- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.



























- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.























- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.























- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there...









MALE GEOGRAPHY



- Between 15 and 90, a man is like ZIMBABWE : ruled by a dick...







Forward this to all the great women you know and to men who'll understand...













FEMALE GEOGRAPHY









- Between 18 and 25, a woman is like Africa : wild, naturally beautiful and full of mysterious, fertile deltas.





















- Between 26 and 34, a woman is like America : well-developed and open for trade, especially for those with stacks of money.





















- Between 35 and 44, a woman is like India : sensual, relaxed, in full bloom, aware of her beauty.























- Between 45 and 54, a woman is like France : deliciously mature, still a pleasant destination to visit.























- Between 55 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia : a lost war, haunted by the mistakes of the past. Major reconstruction work is mostly the only answer.



























- Between 61 and 65, a woman is like Russia : vast, with undefined frontier. The cold climate puts off any potential visitors.























- Between 66 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia : a glorious past, great conquests, but without a future.























- After 70, a woman is like Afghanistan or the north pole: many know its whereabouts, but no-one dares to venture there...









MALE GEOGRAPHY



- Between 15 and 90, a man is like ZIMBABWE : ruled by a dick...







Forward this to all the great women you know and to men who'll understand...

puppylover



Joined: 05/05/2008
Posts: 1427

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 18:14

simbas....thank god for people like you...you certainly are a tonic for anyone feeling below par...not that I am but it's nice to see others who bring a little cheer into others lives.

Well done!!!

jonnytwoscoop



Joined: 27/08/2008
Posts: 142

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 18:39

I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her.

Most of us have a skeleton in the cupboard. David Beckham takes his out in public.

My girlfriend said 'did you know that hippopotamuses kill more people every year than guns?'. 'Yes,' I said, 'but a gun is easier to conceal

When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said 'oh, two or three'. And she wonders why her marriage didn't work.

"Velcro. What a rip-off.

The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe - wouldn't it be easier just to talk to a woman!!

Grandchildren can be so f****** annoying. How many times can you go 'And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink?' It's like talking to a supermodel.

I like Jesus but he loves me, so it's awkward

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
02/09/2008 21:34

Aaaah simbas...............still you have got to laugh...........



jock

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
03/09/2008 17:42

A little boy got lost in Y.M.C.A. and eventually fpound himself in the ladies changing rooms. pandomonium broke ouy with ladis shrieking and grabbing towels to cover themselves.The little lad looked absolutely amazed and says"Whats the matter, have you never seen a little boybefore".......(sorry about some of the spelling but im abit of a novice on this machine)