Top Ten Ways To Know You're Married To A Consultant

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 13:52

This is another for johnnytwoscoops the "business onsultant"



Referred to the first month of your relationship as a "diagnostic period".

Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late.

Takes a half day at the office because, "Sunday is your day."

Congratulates your parents for successful value creation.

Tries to call room service from the bedroom.

Ends any argument by saying, "let's talk about this off-line."

Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review.

Can't be trusted with the car-too accustomed to beating up rentals.

Valentine's Day card has bullet points.

Refers to lovemaking as a "win-win".

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 13:53

Oops that should read



Johnnytwoscoops the "business consultant" !!!!!!!

jonnytwoscoop



Joined: 27/08/2008
Posts: 142

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:16

i think that mrs jonnytwoscoops would second that post !!! especiallythe roomservice part !! Very funny liked it

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:23

Wait there's more ....



Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear from a Consultant





You're right; we're billing way too much for this.

Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added".

How about paying us based on the success of the project?

This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.

Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.

I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that.

Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.

I can't take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.

The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.

Everything looks okay to me.

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:24

And more .....



Top Ten Ways to Know You've Got the Consulting Bug





Can't stop using words that don't exist.

Worried that he who dies with the most frequent-flyer miles wins.

Use so much jargon in conversation, friends think you're speaking a foreign language.

Constant urge to give advice on subjects you know nothing about.

Always-hyphenating-words-that-don't-need-to-be-hyphenated.

Keep seeing bullet points everywhere.

Can fit the thematic undercurrents of "War and Peace" into a two-by-two matrix.

Tired of having a social life beyond work.

A two-page story in Business Week is all it takes to make you an expert.

Firmly believe that an objective viewpoint means more than any real work experience.

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:25

And even more ....



Top Ten Things You Shouldn't Say at a Consulting Interview





I'm a t-shirt and jeans kind of person.

Do you pay overtime?

I hate flying.

I'm useless without ten hours of sleep a night.

There are lies, damn lies, and statistics.

Do you cover rental cars for collision?

Stanford taught me that working in teams is great for slackers.

I think three letter acronyms are for people too stupid to remember whole phrases.

Two words: family first.

Call it what you want, it still means firing people.







Now lay off the blonde jokes .....johnnytwoscoops!!!

jonnytwoscoop



Joined: 27/08/2008
Posts: 142

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:36

I now consider myself well and truely chastised and I will endevour to lay off the blonde jokes , maybe just the occaisonal little gem , promise

Chick-A-Dee


Joined: 16/06/2008
Posts: 342

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:41

What goes around ...comes around.... I enjoyed the blonde jokes, but its nice to address the balance of things ...as a professional business consutant, I truly hope you appreciated some of the above ....



No offence .... happy bloggings!

jonnytwoscoop



Joined: 27/08/2008
Posts: 142

Message Posted:
08/09/2008 14:44

none taken and they were very accurate (the consultant jokes NOT the blonde ones )