Joke, Barry Hilton one liners.....

Ralph96



Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 531

Message Posted:
17/09/2008 13:58

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barry Hilton One Liners...

1. I was so poor growing up... if I wasn't a boy... I'd have had



nothing to play with.



2. A girl phoned me the other day & said, "Come on over; nobody's



home." I went over. Nobody was home.



3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other



night she called me from a hotel.



4. One day I came home early from work... I saw a guy jogging naked. I



said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said "Because



you came home early".



5. It's been a rough day. I got up this morning... put a shirt on & a



button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, & the handle came off. I'm



afraid to go to the bathroom.



6. I was such an ugly kid... When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept



covering me up.



7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster &



radio.



8. I was such an ugly baby... My mother never breast fed me. She told



me that she only liked me as a friend.



9. I'm so ugly... My father carries around a picture of the kid who



came with his wallet.



10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room & said to my



father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."



11. I'm so ugly... my mother had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.



12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped & they sent a piece of my



finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.



13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, & asked him to help me



find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He



said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."



14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.



15. I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, & people kept asking how big



I'd get.



16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up & I



look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?"



He said... "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."



17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping



pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks & get some rest.



18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my



kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.



19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a



pyramid. His favourite bone is my arm. Last night he went on the paper



4 times - 3 of those times I was reading it.



20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control.



21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in



the electric chair.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
17/09/2008 14:34

Good ones ralph96