Joke: Nuns & Dwarfs

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 08:15

The Seven Dwarfs



The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the

seven dwarfs,

they are ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.



"Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "what can I do for you?"



Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any

dwarf nuns in Rome?"



The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a

moment and

answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."



In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy

turns around and glares, silencing them.



Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in

all of Europe?"



The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then

answers,

"No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."



This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once

again, Grumpy

turns around and silences them with an angry glare.



Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf

nuns anywhere in the world?"



The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry,

my son, there

are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."



The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,

pounding the

floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin

chanting...



"Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!"

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 08:26

"One-armed waiters, they can take it but they can't dish it out"

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 08:36

There's no arm in that !

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 08:57

i be the is legless he sure is ( h) armless

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 09:08

Why dont you all Grow up !

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 09:28

What possible reason could we have for wishing to grow up? We'll be a long time dead!

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 09:31

Grow up, Dwarf got it !!

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 09:44

"The Olympics are for everyone, not just someone who happens to own a dancing horse" – Glenn Wool, on dressage

Al the Badger


Joined: 06/02/2008
Posts: 130

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 10:13

Well I thought it was so good, I risked copyright and have just sent it around the World. What a kid I am !!

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 10:19

4 dwarfs went into a brothel but they wernt tall enough to get on the beds so they attached springs to their feet. The next morning the neigbours asked the ladies at the brothel what were all the noises the previous night, they answered that was the foursprung dwarf technique

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 10:55

A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door.



In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You're the biggest man I have ever seen."



The man nods his head, and replies "I'm 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown."



The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself.



So he does, "I said I'm 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown."



The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. "For a minute there, I thought you said 'Turn Around'."

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 12:16

"The Brothel"



Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.



They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."



Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."



Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying."

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 12:51

Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.



Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"



Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does !!!"

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 13:00

A bus full of Nuns is travelling along a dangerous mountain road and its brakes give out around a particularly tight corner and it crashes down into a ravine where it explodes. All of the Nuns are incinerated instantly.



The Nuns arrive at the exclusive Nuns entrance to Heaven (kinda like a VIP entrance to a rock concert, but more cloud-like) where they meet Saint Peter who is standing next to a font which is filled with Holy Water.



Saint Peter greets the Nuns and asks the first one in line, "is any aspect of you impure in some way?"



The first Nun replies, "Well... I did once see a man's do dah..."



Saint Peter tells her not to worry as the Holy Water will purify her vision, he then splashes some of the Holy Water onto her eyes and allows her into heaven.



He asks the second Nun the same thing and she replies, "I did once... touch a man's do dah." Saint Peter then purifies her vision and dips her hands in the Holy Water to purify her touch and then allows her into Heaven.



Saint Peter is then about to ask the third Nun the question when the Nun at the back charges through the line to the front looking very exasperated.



Saint Peter quickly asks, "what is the matter, sister?"



The Nun replies, "nothing's wrong, I just want to gargle it before Sister Susan dips her ar$e in it."

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 13:02

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.



The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.



"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved."



"Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun.



"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."



"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.



Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."



"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.



"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."



"That wicked old barsteward," exclaimed the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years."

oneball


Joined: 23/08/2008
Posts: 10

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 15:23

twonuns share a bath

first nun, where,s the soap

second nun, it does,doesnt it

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 15:26

good god nige ! there's no stopping you today !!

ilovemydogs



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 514

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 15:43

oneball ..........don't get it



nige laughred my head off at n0 13 , but the rest were good too

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 17:27

ilovemydogs, wear's the soap?..........get it now

come_on_aylin


Joined: 14/06/2008
Posts: 908

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 17:30

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."



So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"



"Blind man!"



The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in.



The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

ilovemydogs



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 514

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 18:38

oh ye... der i take a while but get there in the end lol

rocky


Joined: 17/10/2007
Posts: 1749

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 18:47

you take a while at what and get where in the end? love my dogs is that a bit too personal to share with us?

ilovemydogs



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 514

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 19:18

we're all friends here . aren't we?

Littlenige



Joined: 24/12/2006
Posts: 3594

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 19:20

according to one thread les friends

ilovemydogs



Joined: 20/04/2008
Posts: 514

Message Posted:
18/09/2008 19:37

not that way inclined nige.. i think that's why i didn't get the nuns in the bath