Joke: I'm taking the doctors advice

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
19/09/2008 21:33

Some doctor on the television this morning said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.



So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res' of the Chesescke an a box a choclets.



Yu haf no idr how fkin gud I fel.

no1doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/09/2008 21:39

Groucho....that's a cracker!

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
19/09/2008 21:50

Groucho.



Now that was funny!



wyn

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
20/09/2008 08:27

This is a similar one I posted on the VO... it's one of my favourite and reminds me of the Rev I. M Jolly (by the late great Rikki Fulton)



Whisky Galore! (A tale for Burns’ Night 25th Jan)



I had a case of whisky in my cellar and my wife told me to empty each and every bottle down the sink, or else….. so I reluctantly proceeded with the unhappy task

I drew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I emptied the third bottle, except for a glass, which I drank and then I took cork from the fourth sink, poured the glass down the bottle and drank that too.

I pulled the bottle from the next glass, drank one sink out of it, and emptied the rest down the cork.

Then I pulled the sink from the next bottle and poured it down the glass and drank the cork, and finally I took the glass from the last bottle, emptied the cork, poured the sink down the rest and drank the pour.

When I has everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles and glasses and corks with the other and found there were 29.

To make sure, I recounted them when they came by again and this time there were 74.

As the house came around for the next time I counted them again, and finally I had all the house and sinks and glasses and cork and bottles counted, except one house, which I then drank.



Lord Wolfenden, C.B.E. 1906 - 1985