Joke - A true story

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 01:14

When I first came to work in N.Cyprus I was driven to my apartment

by a very correct young man from the Uni. On the way to Salamis,

where I was to stay, he told me that we would need to stop and get

some condoms! I could not believe my ears, and thought there must

be a mistake. Then he stopped and went into a small shop and bought

out some CANDLES, in case of power cuts, as he explained. It was with

relief I understood his mistake but was too embarrassed to explain, as he

would also have been. Arriving at our destination there was indeed a power

cut and he had to carry my luggage up four flights of stairs.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 09:42

and.................?

rosie123


Joined: 26/05/2008
Posts: 70

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 11:41

phylray,i think he liked you

mountbatten


Joined: 12/04/2008
Posts: 102

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 11:47

I do not think he liked phylray that much,letting her carry her bags up four flights of stairs.

Anything for the weekend sir

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 12:20

We want to hear his version...........

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 12:34

Was that fork handles (the 2 ronnie's sketch)

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 13:15

That was a great sketch jock, Heres the full text..........



In a hardware shop. Ronnie Corbett is behind the counter, wearing a warehouse jacket. He has just finished serving a customer.

CORBETT (muttering): There you are. Mind how you go.

(Ronnie Barker enters the shop, wearing a scruffy tank-top and beanie)

BARKER: Four Candles!

CORBETT: Four Candles?

BARKER: Four Candles.

(Ronnie Corbett makes for a box, and gets out four candles. He places them on the counter)

BARKER: No, four candles!

CORBETT (confused): Well there you are, four candles!

BARKER: No, fork 'andles! 'Andles for forks!

(Ronnie Corbett puts the candles away, and goes to get a fork handle. He places it onto the counter)CORBETT (muttering): Fork handles. Thought you said 'four candles!' (more clearly) Next?

BARKER: Got any plugs?

CORBETT: Plugs. What kind of plugs?

BARKER: A rubber one, bathroom.

(Ronnie Corbett gets out a box of bath plugs, and places it on the counter)

CORBETT (pulling out two different sized plugs): What size?

BARKER: Thirteen amp!

CORBETT (muttering): It's electric bathroom plugs, we call them, in the trade. Electric bathroom plugs!

(He puts the box away, gets out another box, and places on the counter an electric plug, then puts the box away)

BARKER: Saw tips!

CORBETT: Saw tips? (he doesn't know what he means) What d'you want? Ointment, or something like that?

BARKER: No, saw tips for covering saws.

CORBETT: Oh, haven't got any, haven't got any. (he mutters) Comin' in, but we haven' got any. Next?

BARKER: 'O's!

CORBETT: 'O's?

BARKER: 'O's.

(He goes to get a hoe, and places it on the counter)

BARKER: No, 'O's!

CORBETT: 'O's! I thought you said 'O! (he takes the hose back, and gets a hose, whilst muttering) When you said 'O's, I thought you said 'O! 'O's!

(He places the hose onto the counter)

BARKER: No, 'O's!

CORBETT (confused for a moment): O's? Oh, you mean panty 'o's, panty 'o's! (he picks up a pair of tights from beside him)

BARKER: No, no, 'O's! 'O's for the gate. Mon repose! 'O's! Letter O's!

CORBETT (finally realising): Letter O's! (muttering) You had me going there!

(He climbs up a stepladder, gets a box down, puts the ladder away, and takes the box to the counter, and searches through it for letter O's)

CORBETT: How many d'you want?

BARKER: Two.

(Ronnie Corbett leaves two letter O's on the counter, then takes the box back, gets the ladder out again, puts the box away, climbs down the ladder, and puts the ladder away, then returns to the counter)

CORBETT: Yes, next?

BARKER: Got any P's?

CORBETT (fed up): For Gawd' sake, why didn' you bleedin' tell me that while I was up there then? I'm up and down the shop already, it's up and down the bleedin' shop all the time. (He gets the ladder out, climbs up and gets the box of letters down, then puts the ladder away) Honestly, I've got all this shop, I ain't got any help, it's worth it we plan things. (He puts the box on the counter, and gets out some letter P's) How many d'you want?

BARKER: No! Tins of peas. Three tins of peas!

CORBETT: You're 'avin' me on, ain't ya, yer 'avin' me on?

BARKER: I'm not!

(Ronnie Corbett dumps the box under the counter, and gets three tins of peas)

CORBETT (placing the tins on the counter): Next?

BARKER: Got any pumps?

CORBETT (getting really fed up): 'And pumps, foot pumps? Come on!

BARKER (surprised he has to ask): Foot pumps!

CORBETT (muttering, as he goes down the shop): Foot pumps. See a foot pump? (He sees one, and picks it up) Tidy up in 'ere.

(He puts the pump down on the counter)

BARKER: No, pumps fer ya feet! Brown pump, size nine!

CORBETT (almost at breaking point): You are 'avin' me on, you are definitely 'avin' me on!

BARKER (not taking much notice of Corbett's mood): I'm not!

CORBETT: You are 'avin' me on! (He takes back the pump, and gets a pair of brown foot pumps out of a drawer, and places t

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 15:16

N01 doyen that sketch was class, they just dont make them like that anymore.

More's the pity.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 15:38

You are right jock - brilliant

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 16:44

A classic sketch if ever there was on.Saw it again on the repeats the other week and Istill was in stitches,as you say they dont do em like that anymore..

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
25/09/2008 17:01

I prefer the exchanges between Capt Blackadder and Pte Baldrick just after it emerges they are going "over the top".



http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=z3V698JzqC0&feature=related

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 00:25

I loved those Barker & Corbett sketches. Blackadder too.

Post script to my true story.



Couple of days later my colleagues took me out for a drink

or two, as it was my first week in the job. Later I was dropped

off by taxi at apartment. Lift was working but due to faulty lock

I could not open my door. After trying many times I got some

help from 2 men living nearby, but they couldn't open it either.

They did kindly offer me their couches for night, but I thought it

better to check into the nearby hotel for the night!

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 00:46

I couldn't get the "corner shop" stuff. Fawlty Towers, Blackadder, and more latterly The Royle Family and Alan Partridge does it for me. he he he he

Lemtich



Joined: 15/02/2007
Posts: 1487

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:03

This one does it for me.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALs1wpQgYEY



Lem

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:07

British comedy is tops in the world!

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:14

w26Kay: "...and Alan Partridge does it for me."



A haa! I agree. A comic genius along with Chris Morris, Armando Ianucci et al.

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:16

phylray





There is no other comedy as far as I am concerned.

Can anyone "get" american comedy. I can't!

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:17

Can't stand the Royle family.

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:20

w26Kay: "...and Alan Partridge does it for me."



Well we finally agree on something then? I could watch him for hours and hours and hours.... Haven't tried the rest but there's time.

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:23

How can you not like the Royale family? Truely Cannock people - what do you do for a living.

Pikey - were you my little brother in a previous existence? Just things keep reoccuring? Just a thought?

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:26

Rowan Atkinson, as Mr. Bean, is understood internationally.

No wonder, his facial and bodily expressions can be understood

by all. I knew Arabs who raved about him!

w26kay



Joined: 14/10/2007
Posts: 479

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:32

phylray

Wasn't that Borat?