Neg Nick "joke of the Week"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 15:21

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.



"May I help you?" she asked.



"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.



"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.



"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.



Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit.



Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.



After an hour, the man calmly left.



The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000.



Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs.



After an hour, he left.





Cont/d....................

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 15:22

The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.



After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.



The man replied, " South Carolina ."



"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina ."



"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 15:23

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being screwed by a lawyer

stilluvithere



Joined: 03/12/2008
Posts: 765

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 15:48

and you should know Nick

stevo-london


Joined: 23/10/2010
Posts: 253

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 15:59

good one...

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 16:15

. Was she livid and witheld his Greenshield Stamps ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 18:27

I put £3000 in a bank account in an Irish city two week ago,

and when I checked it last Thursday, it had gone up to £6000, then just today,

I checked again, and it had increased to £12000.

Its Dublin.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 21:00

I have recently got addicted to writing L's on the furniture and walls of my house. My wife decided that she had had enough of this and told me to go to a doctor about it. After close analysis, he concluded I was suffering with draw L symptoms.    

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 21:08

Bill you crack me up. very good xxx

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
11/03/2011 22:26

Channel 4 News: The government has made the penalty for ticket-touting at the London Olympics, a £20,000 fine.



No problem. If the police approach you whilst you're selling, set fire to them and say they were poppies.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 06:31

mess 4 - bugger off and be miserable somewhere else......................

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 07:40

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.



Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."



Vet: "Is it a tom?"



Yorkshireman: "Nay lad, I've browt it with us."

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 07:49

Alex Ferguson stopped off at Sainsburys to buy 2 bottles of whiskey to soften he pain of last weeks humiliating defeat.

"will you be donating to comic relief this year Mr. Ferguson" asked the cashier. "Will i sh-t!!" replied Fergie.

The cashier looked him straight in the eye and said "WELL PUT THE RED NOSE BACK THEN YOU TIGHT GIT"...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 11:31

Paddy takes his pet Goldfish to the Vet.



"I 'tink he's got epilepsy" paddy tells the vet



Vet takes a look and says "He seems calm enough to me"



Paddy says "I haven't taken him out the bowl yet"

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 17:56

why did the Girl go out with a mushroom...? He was a fungi.......

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 18:45

Like the pregnant fairy who had sat on a toadstool.

MUSIN M


Joined: 26/06/2008
Posts: 1352

Message Posted:
12/03/2011 19:10

is the subject heading a statement of fact,if it is i agree neg nick is the joke of the week.





boom boom .





musin



long live the kktc

sweets


Joined: 10/02/2011
Posts: 59

Message Posted:
13/03/2011 18:26

love it! ha ha ha..