Joke: Times Obituary

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
29/09/2008 18:21

An Obituary printed in The Times........ Interesting and sadly rather true.





Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:



Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.



Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).



His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.



Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.



Common Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.



Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.



Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.



Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility and his son, Reason



He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;



I Know My Rights



I Want It Now



Someone Else Is To Blame



I'm A Victim



Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
01/10/2008 19:13

Groucho ..absolutely spot on,hope a few more read it..

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
01/10/2008 19:14

Grouch, how true, as usual another cracker!

Oilman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 225

Message Posted:
01/10/2008 19:23

On the subject of obituaries this was a real obitiuary in the Telegraph lamenting the passing of a famous, or should that be infamous, lawyer Patrick "Paddy" Pakenham.





Patrick Pakenham



Last Updated: 1:37AM BST 22 Jun 2005



Patrick Pakenham, who has died aged 68, was a talented barrister and the second son of the 7th Earl and Countess of Longford; highly intelligent, articulate and possessed of an attractive and powerful voice, Pakenham could have attained great professional heights, but his boisterous nature and bouts of mental illness rendered it impossible for him to adhere to the routine required to sustain his position at the Bar, and he retired after 10 years' practice.



During his legal career, Pakenham became something of a legend, and, 25 years on, accounts of his exploits are still current. During his appearance before an irascible and unpopular judge in a drugs case, the evidence, a bag of cannabis, was produced. The judge, considering himself an expert on the subject, said to Pakenham, with whom he had clashed during the case: "Come on, hand the exhibit up to me quickly." Then he proceeded to open the package. Inserting the contents in his mouth, he chewed it and announced: "Yes, yes of course that is cannabis. Where was the substance found, Mr Pakenham?" The reply came swiftly, if inaccurately: "In the defendant's anus, my Lord."

no1doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
01/10/2008 21:39

Classic, absolutely Classic!

Oilman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 225

Message Posted:
01/10/2008 22:58

Read the rest of the article online. It's a killer!

Oilman


Joined: 19/09/2008
Posts: 225

Message Posted:
01/10/2008 23:58

no1doyen read the rest on this link. The man certainly was a character. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/obituaries/1492523/Patrick-Pakenham.html

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:31

Not a very good character though.

Jenks


Joined: 05/06/2008
Posts: 13

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 01:42

Sounds like a top bloke to me!

Rocker



Joined: 24/09/2008
Posts: 384

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 09:15

ABSOLUTELY 100% RİGHT, thanks for bringing it to our attention

Rocker

Groucho



Joined: 26/04/2008
Posts: 7993

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 09:37

Phylray



Given that he was a diagnosed manic depressive and had suffered many mental health issues I find your judgement that he was not a very good character somewhat lacking in sympathy...



I feel the more humourous and tragic events in his life would make a wonderful film

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
02/10/2008 09:52

What a character.

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
03/10/2008 03:06

Sorry, but I don't have a lot of sympathy for those who have

tremendous advantages over most, yet still don't contribute

anything to society. Taking drugs is not an answer to one's

problems and I don't think it's funny either.