You know when you are getting old when

Geoff1131


Joined: 12/07/2007
Posts: 276

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 18:25

When doing an ' all nighter ' means you have not had to go to the loo during the night!

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 18:27

Thats about right Geoff. x

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 18:45

You've cheered me up no end! I have 'all nighters' most nights!

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 18:51

I am regular as clockwork

every morning I empty my bladder at 7 am





























problem is I don't wake up till 8 am

cypgab


Joined: 09/01/2010
Posts: 338

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 18:54

.... and get up at 8am.

cypgab


Joined: 09/01/2010
Posts: 338

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 18:55

Whoops, jumped in there not realising there was a big space between the message and punchline

martinD41


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 3001

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:04

You know you are getting old when the police look like your grand children,and young ladies look at you and say..."are you all right ,can I see you across the road"............:(

martinD41


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 3001

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:08

Or when your picture looks like AJ...

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:37

You are proud of your lawn mower.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:38

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:39

Your ears are hairier than your head.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:40

You wear black socks with sandals.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:42

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:45

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:49

you know what sadly growing old is inevitable, growing up is voluntary

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:53

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:55

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 20:59

Bill they may come back in style but for whatever reason you cant wear them. I had a chanel suit made for me to go to Ascot , I loved it, brought it here. Where the hell can I do that. Its now on a charity stall xxxxxxx

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 21:32

When days later you find your lost mobile telephone in the freezer as it was easier to place the telephone into the numerous carrier bags of food to be taken from car to kitchen and you have done it 3 times in the last year then find that putting it in the microwave to thaw for 30 seconds on high setting costs a new telephone ! Which also illustrates that at a certain age you cannot recognise what is a compound sentence The Wildebeest (bless her) now looks in the freezer for anything which goes missing including the cats.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 21:53

When your shopping list includes corn plasters, haemorrhoid cream and incontinence underwear

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 21:54

When you can no longer cut your own toenails.

gooligan


Joined: 30/01/2007
Posts: 1591

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:21

Bill,is this personal experience ? ) )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:36

Of course not. I can still bite my own toenails! ) )

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:42

Msg 23 , by taking your teeth out ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:42

I've got all my own teeth and a full head of hair. Bet you cant say the same )

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:45

Msg25 when they are both on a bedside table

it does not count

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:49

Oh - so your's won't count then ;)

Zoots


Joined: 05/02/2011
Posts: 669

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 22:57

When it takes you all night to do what you used to do all night!

So the codgers tell me.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:00

Zoots, you're not that young ) )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:01

Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:02

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work

shrimp


Joined: 01/09/2010
Posts: 939

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:23

Old age pensioners look young........

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:25

When all the "famous" people you knew from Tv/Films are all passing away

mikelapta



Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 2186

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:31

you never pass a toilet

you never trust a fart

you never waste an erection

mikelapta



Joined: 20/11/2008
Posts: 2186

Message Posted:
18/03/2011 23:43

I love,not sure if I saw it on here,please forgive me I'm old



2 old couples out for a walk,ladies in front,gents a few places behind.

One of the gents says "We went out for a lovely meal last night"

The other"What was the name of the restaurant?

First man"Um,what's that flower smells nice,got thorns?"

"a rose?"

"Yes,that's it ! Rose,what's the name of the restaurant we went to?"

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 00:11

Love all of these posts............trouble is I recognise most of them............

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 00:14

) ) )

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 00:56

The new wine for the over ....whatever.. no need to get up after imbibing!



Pinot mor!

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 04:25

you look in the mirror and see your mother

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 08:32

Getting in after an evening on the beer and trying to change channels on your tv with your mobile phone and then trying to change the batteries because nothing was happening. And then trying to make a phone call on your tv remote.

sloan



Joined: 24/02/2009
Posts: 808

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 08:32

.... or even worse, your father!! (if you're female!)

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 19:48

And then she asked "whats the best form of birth control after 50"



I said "nudity"

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:27

your chances of seeing chelsea win the champions league takes another downturn , lmao .

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:29

Message 42. ) )

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:31

Rolls you must be getting old love you have posted on the wrong thread xxxxxxxxxx

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:32

I think he meant to post on this thread - right Rowlo?

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:33

Lilli it was a joke

right thread

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:34

oooops sorry rolls x

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:34

Thought so. ) )

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 20:38

youre all getting old then eh ,lol , my eyebrows are covering my eyes, or is it my nasal hairs ?

Zoots


Joined: 05/02/2011
Posts: 669

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 22:53

Just do a Bobby Charlton with the nasal hairs and weave the ear fluff into it. The brows should stand proud and alone.

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 23:05

You know when you are getting old when

It takes all night to do what one used to do all night!



Richard

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 23:06

Brinsley so the same as msg 28

Brinsley


Joined: 04/04/2009
Posts: 6858

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 23:10

Msg 53

Sorry, didn't see it!



Richard

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
19/03/2011 23:12

Msg 54 a sign of getting old lol

zookeeper


Joined: 17/03/2010
Posts: 168

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 06:42

You know you're getting old when your CHILDREN shop at Marks and Spencer!



Also, you know that feeling when you go into a room and then forget why you went there? Well you know you're getting old when the room you're in when it happens is the toilet.



Zookeeper's (old) spouse

martinD41


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 3001

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 11:14

You know you are getting old,when someone offers you condolences ,for "NO APPARENT" reason....

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 12:06

Your never old...only Older !!!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 16:34

People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you're breathing.

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 16:53

try this then if you think your getting old ?



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYRjUTV9jgQ





:D

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 17:28

Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don't want you behind the wheel.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 17:29

A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 17:43

You often repeat things...You often repeat things... You often repeat things...

Sazna


Joined: 12/09/2009
Posts: 1177

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 17:56

when happy hour is a nap

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3533

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 17:58

Seven o'clock

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 20:46

Forgot my glasses ...



Yesterday my daughter asked why I didn't do something useful with my time.



She suggested I go down to the Over Sixties Club and meet people of my own age.



I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had joined a parachute club.



She said "Are you nuts? You're almost 70 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"



I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.



She said to me, "You idiot, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

What a to do! I signed up for five jumps a week!



Life as an old aged pensioner is not getting any easier.

flowerfairy


Joined: 17/09/2008
Posts: 1277

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 21:42

when you've got knickers older than the policeman that pulls you over.

when your solicitor is younger than your children.!!!!!!!!!!!!....:(

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 21:43

) )) )

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
20/03/2011 21:53

Hoylemiller

Re message 66:

Just make sure you wear your parachute for protection.