lost my dog and now losing my adoptive parents

annaleb


Joined: 26/10/2010
Posts: 17

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 12:09

My dog who I loved very much was lost in October....and now I am afraid that my adoptive parents don't want me any more :( When they were talking to their children on skype...I felt that there was no space for me in their family conversation....Now I think they can leave me any time they want...I feel very insecure...

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 12:44

Maybe they don't really know how YOU feel - have you told them?



If so, what has been their reaction?



What about 'their children' - how do you get on with them - how do they treat you - as one of them, or an outsider?



Now is the time to try to improve your social life - perhaps go out a bit more?



You list your occupation as a 'teacher' - I hope you have good and decent, caring colleagues who will give you all the necessary psychological support during what must be an extremely upsetting time for you.



Although I don't know you, I can fully empathise with your predicament, as I was adopted.



I have written a 500 page novel, based on my own experiences, about an adopted boy, who was sent to boarding schools and then sent to the colonies by his adoptive parents.

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 13:00

So you write to a Forum? You say you are 28, and say you are a teacher - so your age and the fact you are intelligent enough to be an educated professional leads one to think YOU would know the FIRST people to talk to - ARE YOUR ADOPTIVE PARENTS! You say - they can "leave me" - surely at your age, YOU will have left THEM? living on your own, with friends, a partner - 28 and still 'in the face' of people who are doubtless desperate to spend their mature years at last, with space and time alone - to enjoy what they used to, before children came along. They have 'served their time' now it should be their time once more. Talked to their children on skype and didn't mention you? One assumes the other children were far away, so clearly the attention of both parties would be on one another, whereas you were on the spot (listening, intruding)? and can speak with them any time....are you a spoiled petulant demanding selfish brat that doesn't put yourself in other peoples' position perhaps?

berilela


Joined: 17/07/2010
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 15:00

leave the poor girl alone

Tango1


Joined: 19/02/2011
Posts: 1151

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 15:08

For goodness sake, what sort of person are you, at 28 you should be out there standing on your own two feet not expecting your adoptive parents to bend to your every whim. If you're still at home then I'm not surprised they are trying to get you out, so they can have some peace and call their home their own. At 28 you should have flown the nest years ago, gone round the world or at least visited a whole load of other countries. Pack your bags, go and prove to yourself that you're not dependant on them and show your adoptive parents what you are made off. Don't sit and write to a forum. BTW I'm adopted so I do know what I'm talking about.



Tango1

moxie


Joined: 23/05/2009
Posts: 969

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 17:30

i just find that post plain wierd ???

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 18:45

Msg 6/5/3:



What's wrong with this girl's honesty? I find it very touching; in fact, refreshing.



Is there really any need to go out of your way to further distress this person with your unwarranted and cruel patronisation?



Perhaps none of you have experienced the type of wretched loneliness that, in utter desperation, and with feelings that there is no one else to turn to, she might elicit some solace from the 'kind' Pommies on CY44.



If you have nothing to contribute to making this desolate girl feel more at ease with her sad situation, then I suggest you keep your own counsel.

nikegirl


Joined: 19/02/2010
Posts: 162

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 18:51

Hi Annaleb, I don't want to get involved in the discussion above. I'm just writing to say that I read your post about your dog and in the past few months there has been a new sausage dog (female) wandering around the streets in Yenikent, Lefkosa. Not sure if it could be your one but just thought I'd mention it.

nikegirl


Joined: 19/02/2010
Posts: 162

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 18:57

Please ignore my last post. I just saw your youtube video and unfortunately the one I saw isn't your dog. It was completely orange whereas yours looks mostly black.

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 18:58

Nice to know you have all solved this members problems especially in public view.

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 19:16

It seems she needs sympathy and someone to listen not a telling off.

darkeyes


Joined: 20/10/2008
Posts: 54

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 19:31

am i missing the plot or is this post about someone looking for a home for a dog??????

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 19:39

I wrote as a mother of a 28 year old - and whilst all 28 year olds are unique individuals, a lot of things are commensurate with age, one being - time to have flown the nest. I sympathise enormously with having lost her dog, but after six months, it is time to reign back on the grieving, as it can become a habit that can be harmful to oneself; time to resign oneself to the loss, maybe get another? I am conscious that we only have this young woman's posting; no reason given for why she thinks her adoptive parents "don't want" her. That is such a sad choice of words, emotionally charged, but may have turned into an exaggeration in the translation - either way - clearly the parents are the first people to say that to - not total strangers who have NO knowledge of the family dynamics, the parents, the young woman - so can't comment on anything but what they read - family counselling or therapy would seem (on the face of it) necessary, if communication is the main problem (seemingingly)

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 20:32

Mr Garnet I am always amazed at your matter of fact posting..and such lack of empathy..



Have you no understanding that it matters very little as what you do or what age you are.to suffer is to suffer. !.People are as you know individuals and how you think or feel about the posting is just that..Some people as you know stay with their parents all their lives.If you have such little empathy in the situation as a whole maybe its far better not to lecture. She may well be feeling very suicidal and your words would be of little help.



Anna please feel free to phone me anytime.0533 839 5561.and please take a look at my profile.



Spider,X

princesskeara


Joined: 19/04/2011
Posts: 5

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 20:49

mrs. Spider,



I have been reading the forum for a long time now but have only just joined, can I please ask what kind of therapy are you experienced in and what are your qualifications? hope you don't mind me asking.

Kind regards

Keara F

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 20:50

Alf Garnet have you ever considered volunteering your compassionate nature to the Samaritans ?? I'm sure they would welcome you with open arms.

suehowlittle


Joined: 31/10/2010
Posts: 1202

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 21:40

There are those with kind hearts and soft words and those with hard hearts and harsh words. I suppose it takes all sorts but is it really necessary on this forum?



If you read something and take exception to it then OK say so, but is there really any need to be so cruel. The facts are not known and you may cause further suffering.



I am always amazed by peoples attitudes.

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 21:50

Hi Keara F...Please feel free to phone anytime I am happy to share with you my qualifications and past work history.





Spider,X

berkeh2001


Joined: 28/02/2009
Posts: 455

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 22:01

some people have no common sense what so ever always ready to hit them hard when they are down . talk to a close friend don't post it here if i were you

princesskeara


Joined: 19/04/2011
Posts: 5

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 22:28

mrs spider,



I didn't mean to offend you, i have been reading your posts for some time now and was just interested to find out which branch of therapy you are experienced in not just for my (nosey) benefit but for anyone who may need help now or in the future.



KR



Keara F

berilela


Joined: 17/07/2010
Posts: 590

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 22:31

she may be so alone that she needs to talk to strangers ,call me if you ever want a coffee and chat annaleb honey

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 22:33

My heart goes out to her, but I do feel she should speak with her parents.

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 22:40

Hi again Keara I have 30 years in the care sector working in Family therapy.Drug and rehab.Mental health.I also have work with the elderly who suffer with dementia and their families. Hope this helps..Please feel free to phone or email I have just realized you are unable to see my profile. mariavic@live.com



Oh and also work within homeless hostels.

Spider,X

Pugwash


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 1797

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 22:46

message 16, very good cooper :0

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 23:03

Keara - I am a fully trained, accredited, Trauma counsellor; working for years for Miadenhead Police, specialising in rape victims (both genders) parents or children whose child or parents had been killed or murdered, victims of domestic violence, et cetera. I would say, beware of anyone who doesn't show paper qualifications of their training. I would never work for the Samaritans. Their rule is, if someone rings to say they are going to commit suicide, even though they have their number, they are not allowed by Samaritan rules, to send anyone to the persons home to prevent it - madness. Should anyone disagree with what I have said in my postings, please re-read. I am urging this woman to speak to the very people she says she feels are rejecting her, to say it to anyone else but them, will achieve nothing, as only the ones involved know the entire picture and the woman herself. Should she feel they won't be understanding, was why I suggested family therapy - all parties present.

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 23:22

Mrs Garnet maybe if you could have and should have posted this last post first Shame you live back home we could start our own clinic







Spider,X

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
19/04/2011 23:42

http://www.cyprus44.com/forums/49362.asp



For those that may feel they need a little more understanding..





Spider,X

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 07:49

MSGarnet/Msg 25:



Surely, with all your psychotherapeutic experience, you should have learned by now that, all too often, people feeling rejected by their own family, or close acquaintances, feel that these are the last people they feel able to confide in.



In 'Annaleb's' situation, and although in Msg 2 I queried whether she had discussed how she felt with her adoptive parents, on reflection, I realise I shouldn't have been so presumptuous as to have second-guessed her feelings and actions.



She lists her profession as a 'teacher' and we should accord her with the intelligence quota that such a position demands - however, that apart, many people find it easier to confide in an absolute stranger, who is simply a normal, rational member of the public, than any so-called 'professional'.

BigMart


Joined: 26/02/2009
Posts: 423

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 08:07

What a load of Bol***ks !



Why is this on a TRNC forum ?



At 28, you ought to get a grip.

Tenakoutou



Joined: 27/07/2009
Posts: 4110

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 08:18

Save your 'beasting' for 'the lads', Martin!!!

moxie


Joined: 23/05/2009
Posts: 969

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 12:00

omg has no one noticed that analeb has not posted again!!!!!....big wind up maybe? Big mart ..totally agree with u

she posted and left it for eveyone to discuss/argue get nasty about ...end it !!

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 12:02

Tenakoutou - my issue is encapsulated in your words "confide in an absolute stranger, who is simply a normal, rational member of the public" one often finds it easier to confide in someone other than the person with whom one has a problem, but how, in a written public forum, can this young woman know who is "normal, rational" and who is deluded, possibly speaking from a position that reflects their own problems/agenda and therefore who may give permanently damaging advice - that advice being contaminated by their experience (after all 'normal' is a just setting on the washing machine - outside of that - who is to define what 'normal' means)? I agree if a channel of communication is missing in a family, confide in someone outside that dynamic BUT of known provenance and face to face, where a remark prompts a response, which prompts a reply - and so on and so forth. NB: Any further postings from annaleb are notable by their absence, a spoof? attention seeker? smell a rat? who knows..

butterfly1


Joined: 04/11/2010
Posts: 413

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 12:21

Well Analeb what do you thınk to all these posts.you seem to of gone quıet

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 12:53

Good afternoon to you all. Last night I received two very nice emails with regards to this thread. This morning I have emailed you both and send you my very best wishes. You know who you both are so no need respond on here please look in your emails...



Sometimes threads get closed and sometimes they run there own course..And sometimes others are hell bent on changing them...Such is the 44 ways What are you all like never mind such is 44.........................





Spider,X

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 13:57

To anyone seeking PROFESSIONAL support and advice, I can only reiterate - for your own sanity and future well being, THOROUGHLY check the written credentials and CV of any person offering counselling or therapy, do not simply take their word for it - see proof before opening your heart and mind to a stranger. An accredited person wouldn't take offence, in fact, they would welcome it. I could say I am the Queen of England - doesn't make it true.........

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 14:09

Wise words msg 35

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 14:33

Mrs G only a fool would not ask to seek the truth.and not everyone on here would believe some of the tosh that is posted some of the time.Some as you know are very false indeed.Some even constantly playing with double even treble ids..The mods have a terrible job trying hard to get the likes off of 44 all of the time.







Spider,X.

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 14:36

Msg 35 I could quite believe your the Queen of England because your sure no Queen of Hearts.

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 14:41

I quite agree Spider there are lots of two faced folk on here

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 14:59

The real person would have their qualification on show therefore they never get asked to see them ...only a fool would not..............show them





Spider,X

stellasstar1



Joined: 02/07/2008
Posts: 1519

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 15:06

Like previous messages on this thread, I don't really feel this is the place to voice your feelings, I think a properly trained counsellor would be better. As I am also adopted, and also had a brother that my mother gave birth to, I would add this piece of true adivce that my mother told me. From reading your first post it would seem that your mother also had some natural birth children, so what my mother said to me was:- always please remember, that we chose you, but we got stuck with your brother. !!!!! Simple, but true. So your mother also chose you, why do you think she no longer cares???

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 16:36

Msg 37 - if someone is in the throws of deep melancholia or bereavement or a plethora of other conditions needing counselling or therapy, or indeed, needing cognitive behaviour therapy (as outlined in the web site for the American Institute, based in New York link, you have posted next to your profile) one isn't always alert enough to think to ask how qualified a person is, or is embarrassed to ask for proof, so desperate are they for answers - so they take someone at their word. That said, from reading your post, you already display your accreditation of post-grad training from the Tavistock (one assumes the Tavistock, as it is the other link in your profile) already on display for anyone you support, to see.



stella - sounds like you had a wise and wonderful mum!

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 16:37

er - i think mess 1 is a wind up......





worthy of an award, perhaps....

stellasstar1



Joined: 02/07/2008
Posts: 1519

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 16:41

Nick, I agree, as she hasn't come back to the thread, but we've all had a great time offering up our wonderful words of wisdom and advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

clairegordon


Joined: 18/11/2010
Posts: 105

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 16:54

People on this board are so very gullible or whatever, sums up the quality of life many have, it's sad that people find the need to post such things, and it is equally sad that we have to fuel it by feeling the need to reply and dissect everything.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 17:01

well it took the nickster to cut through the bull..........



Let's close it AJ an get on to something more productive..............

MsGarnet


Joined: 04/01/2009
Posts: 989

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 20:27

negative - don't think so - moxie and I posited just such a thing waaaaaaaaaay back in the thread - msgs 31 and 32!

Woodspeckie


Joined: 25/01/2009
Posts: 2263

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 21:31

I was sure this was a wind up from msg 1, I can weigh people up and there are so many these days, they are just sad folk who know some people are guillible and will get involved in arguments.

AlsancakJack



Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 5762

Message Posted:
20/04/2011 21:45

This thread is now closed. Reason: Thread was addressed and no need for further posts.