Neg Nick "joke of the Week"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:44

I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.





Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:45

Nick







Made me laugh!

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:47

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70....





sod that, I thought, I know i can get one cheaper off the web.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:49

you are frifggin nuts ,

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:49

The lead actor in the local pantomime, Aladdin, was sexually abused from behind on stage last night.





To be fair the audience did try to warn him....................................

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:49

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 20:51

Today is the 30th anniversary of Bob Marley's death and my local 02 shop had a Bob Marley day.......



so I went along to upgrade from pay as you go to a contract phone.





"I got the tariff but I didn't get the texts for free"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 21:00

mess 2 - thank you jeannie............

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 21:01

How sad if your "forte" is stealing jokes from the Internet - to make people on this board laugh - because they're to lazy or ignorant to find your million of copy/pasted jokes themselves.

Jeannie


Joined: 04/08/2009
Posts: 3283

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 21:05

Message 9 - Hans.



So, that makes me lazy and ignorant?



Thank you.



Jean

TinLondon


Joined: 20/07/2009
Posts: 171

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 21:06

I know it doesn't take much.... but Nick, you really are the life and sole of the KFC!



NC would be an even more boring place with out you... thank you for keeping us entertained here in the UK and keep it up

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 22:04

Some Chinese jokes...



Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: This answer has been censored by the Chinese Government



Q: What do you call a dear with no eyes?

A: This answer has been censored by the Chinese Government



Q: What's black and white and red all over?

A: This answer has been censored by the Chinese Government.    

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 22:31

Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:

"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Sunderland fan."

So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"    

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 22:31

Went to the doctor today, i told him i was feeling q bit queer..he told me to take my clothes off..."where will i put them" i said...he said "on top of mine"

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 22:58

mess 11 - you want fries with that ? and zinger or classic chicken ??

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 23:05

I dont know why Everyone is Moaning about Poland not voting for the UK last night At the Eurovision song contest.



You Can't vote For your self.    

dizzycows


Joined: 12/05/2009
Posts: 2736

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 23:34

No1Doyen..... off topic.....



your banned ....



Back to the jokes please .....

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 23:36

I thought it was funny. )

TRNCvictim


Joined: 17/08/2010
Posts: 1417

Message Posted:
15/05/2011 23:48

NN & No1Doyen



What would Cyprus 44 be without you both!



long live the KFC

TinLondon


Joined: 20/07/2009
Posts: 171

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 01:38

The joke of the week for me (with a little imput from Nick of course) has to be this one and only a TC or an expat would get it.



Posting read:

"Direct from the land owner 6 remaining 3 bed quality built villas...bluh bluh bluh....

with title deeds ready. Price £135,000 floor plans available"



NN's response:

"Is the price for all 6 ?? "





Priceless! (or is it worthless?)

wattys


Joined: 07/10/2008
Posts: 278

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 09:21

Dutchcrusader



You must lead a very sad life trying to stop people having a laugh amongst themselves, chill out, but then perhaps its difficult for the dutch to have a sense of humour

Enrico


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 209

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 16:48

My wife keeps shoving car steering wheels down my trousers.



She's driving me nuts.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 19:17

mess 20 - yes a good 'un,,,,,,,,,,,,,

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 19:20

So Azerbaijan have won the

Eurovision Song Contest 2011.

The winning country hosts the following year's contest.

I cannot wait to see the first ever

Eurovision in a shed.

hodgeliz


Joined: 16/10/2010
Posts: 278

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 19:21

And you think one or two of those so called jokes are OK to put on a public board that is read by kids shame on you mods and No 1 for encouraging it !!!!!!

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
16/05/2011 19:30

mess 25 - if it wasn't for people like me, Liz - the board would be full of people like you.............

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 09:49

mess 19 - "here here"............

lionel


Joined: 21/04/2011
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 10:00

having a real good chuckle til DC and hodgeliz put thier sorry tuppence worth in ...go get a life for gods sake ..Nick carry on

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 10:04

mess 28 - another DC "fan" then ??

hwilde


Joined: 16/09/2010
Posts: 230

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 10:18

Oh dea!, More third rate jokes cut and pasted from the internet?

lionel


Joined: 21/04/2011
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 10:19

dear god ...ive only just joined and already, i keep seeing his sniping remarks and to be quite frank he is such an a..e hole go talk a walk DC on your hippy trail and dont come back !!!

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 10:43

mess 30 - dont get wild, harry - if you think you can do better - go ahead....



looking at your previous postings though, i ain't holding my breath..........

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 10:55

@ msg 28 & 31, Lionel: The thread is definitely on your level, but the thread and you are on the wrong board.

lionel


Joined: 21/04/2011
Posts: 179

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 11:16

i dont speak freaky deaky dutch lol..can i have that in English please

DutchCrusader



Joined: 19/05/2008
Posts: 11281

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 11:24

Re msg 34, lionel: Well, your posts in the English language are not quite without errors either. It's not your first language I suppose?

simbas



Joined: 16/07/2007
Posts: 5943

Message Posted:
17/05/2011 11:41

This thread is now closed. Reason: Thread went off topic.