Blackbirds joke of the week........

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
25/05/2011 23:11

Spent £40 on eBay last week for a p* nis enlarger.

Just opened it and some joker's sent me a magnifying glass!

shrimp


Joined: 01/09/2010
Posts: 939

Message Posted:
25/05/2011 23:15

That reminds me of a chap who sent off for 50 cigarette lighters for 50p on ebay and got a box of matches.........absolutely true........

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
25/05/2011 23:16

Blackbird. That must have been hard to take. )

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
25/05/2011 23:24

After meeting my new Chinese colleague,I insisted I knew his brother who I met on holiday but he wouldnt have it,so i rang his brother and put him on the phone to this colleague who had to concede that he was who I said.



I just love proving people are wong.    

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
25/05/2011 23:24

easier for the missus thou , LMFAO blackbird

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 00:22

Sorry rowlo - missus was bitterly disappointed...lol

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 00:27

she can always look thru the magnifying glass and dream/ wish lol .

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 00:33

I suggested that rowlo...but she wasn't impressed.....slipped some Viagra in my coffee........it was brilliant........on the table.......on the floor everywhere.........the only trouble is that we are now banned from every Starbucks....

rowlo



Joined: 12/10/2008
Posts: 4796

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 00:47

lucky xxxxxxxd

Blackbird



Joined: 11/08/2009
Posts: 1432

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 01:25

Got my Viagra mixed up with my sleeping tablets last night....had 40 w@nks

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 10:16

Went to a chemist yesterday and asked an old boy serving if he was familiar with Viagra.

"Yes..very effective.. has been fully tested and is a proven market leader for a number of years"



I said "Can you get it over the counter?"



He said " I can ..but I'll probably have to take two tablets to make sure!"

birdman



Joined: 20/09/2010
Posts: 690

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 10:32

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes ?

Nothing, she's been told twice already !!!

dizzycows


Joined: 12/05/2009
Posts: 2736

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 11:16

Blackbird, you are so funny, its just what this forum needs sometimes, a good chuckle,..... x

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 12:25

I just bought myself a sandwich toaster.



I say bought I mean married, she also subs as a dishwasher    

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 13:17

I wish to place on record that, unlike Ryan Giggs, if you catch me having it away with a glamour model with massive knockers, you can tell anyone you like..

shrimp


Joined: 01/09/2010
Posts: 939

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 15:49

Man goes into train station and asks the busty blonde for a return ticket to titsfield.............oh I am so sorry he said, I meant to say a return ticket to Tadsfield.........No problem says the blonde, just this morning I made a freudian slip ....I said to my husband, can you pass the salt please?...... What I meant to say was ...........you bastard, you've ruined my life............

Hector


Joined: 26/08/2008
Posts: 2352

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 15:53

Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!'



Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead beatle for the last thirty years.