Joke:- Todays daily giggle

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 16:06

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching television, when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen ask, 'What would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or

lamb?'

I said, 'Thank you, I'll have chicken please'

She replied, 'You're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat!'

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Not every flower can say love, but a rose can.

Not every flower can survive thirst, but a cactus can.

Not every vegetable can read, but bless, look at you having a little go!

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Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy.

He's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.

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TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 16:06

I was in an Indian restaurant last night having a meal. The waiter came over and says, 'Curry OK?'

I said, 'Go on then, just one song then bugger off.'

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Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine.

They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert £2 and push knob in'.

TopTen


Joined: 15/04/2009
Posts: 1246

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 16:07

After a visit to the whore house,



a man notices green lumps on his willy,

so he goes to the doctors.

“That’s serious” says the doctor.

“You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?”



“Yes” says the man seriously.





“Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 20:00

A chinese waiter came to my table and said "you f..k offee" I replied "you f..k offee, I was here first". The Wildebeest (bless her) interceded with "he asked you if you are for coffee" Wot went wong ?

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 20:04

Now Cheryl Cole has been sacked from x-factor US

I wonder if she plans to come back and do giggs here ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 20:19

When I was in the pub last night I overheard a couple of dickheads saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman!



What a pair of sexist twits. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the bloody thing!

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 20:22

I walked into a car showroom last night.



I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window."



He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window."



I said, "You do now."

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
26/05/2011 20:30

I used to have multiple personality disorder.



We're okay now though.