BEST halloween joke ive heard jet

Nemika



Joined: 05/04/2008
Posts: 413

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 20:35

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.



The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.



So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.



So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dy and devoted his time to h

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 20:40

Nemika,



Go on then!



I was enthralled!



wyn

Nemika



Joined: 05/04/2008
Posts: 413

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 20:46

her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.



Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening." "You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied,



"Actually, I gave my

Coachie



Joined: 29/07/2008
Posts: 2135

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 20:56

nemika...AND

cooper


Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 3386

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 20:58

Finish it then please the suspense is killing me !

Nemika



Joined: 05/04/2008
Posts: 413

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 20:59

"Actually, I gave my costume to your dad, he said he had the night of his life"

WAZ-24-7



Joined: 18/10/2008
Posts: 695

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 21:04

And another.



A lonely gentleman joined an internet dating club " dating direct" He spent ages preparing his profile and selected his best possible picture.



After more than a year of absolutly nothing.

The gentleman recieved a text message from " dating direct"



Dear sir, After more than a year on our site. We have had no interest from members. " would you like to try a FREE 1 week listing with...NO PICTURE"

wynyardman



Joined: 15/12/2007
Posts: 4580

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 21:05

Nice one Nemika,



Funny that the same thing happenned to me!



wyn

Nemika



Joined: 05/04/2008
Posts: 413

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 21:07

very good wez. heres another:



On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs.

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his dick.



The wife gave him a wierd look and then the husband replied "If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator".

Nemika



Joined: 05/04/2008
Posts: 413

Message Posted:
30/10/2008 21:23

just another that made me laugh:



Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?





A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

augusta



Joined: 10/06/2008
Posts: 173

Message Posted:
31/10/2008 11:30

Great jokes! I never seem to remember the good ones except the following:



In a little town in Norway, it has always been the custom to publicly announce and congratulate every citizen on their 100th birthday. On just such an occasion, a journalist visited a nursing home to interview Mr. Olsen:



The journalist asks::

"Mr. Olsen, congratulations, 100 years really is a remarkable age.....tell me...what is the key to having such a long life?"



Mr. Olsen replies:

" Well, I'll tell you....

I've never smoked but I have enjoyed

my drink ....and women!...."



Somewhat surprised the journalist asks:

"Isn't it difficult for you living in a nursing home?"



Mr. Olsen:

"Well, no , not really

I do get my strong brew each evening

and there is this lovely little lady down the hall who comes to visit....

so the only problem is.. ..that recently I don't quite seem to remember why....."

truffles808


Joined: 16/10/2007
Posts: 183

Message Posted:
31/10/2008 11:45

LOL - cheered my Friday morning up! Must try to remember them for the pub tonight.

jakki



Joined: 23/10/2007
Posts: 865

Message Posted:
31/10/2008 17:29

It's Halloween- has anyone seen my ex flying around on her broom?



Arthur

Ossie


Joined: 19/01/2008
Posts: 311

Message Posted:
31/10/2008 19:16

cor blimey mate,if,after seeing her picture,I'd certainly wiz ard after her!!!

Checkmate


Joined: 31/08/2008
Posts: 140

Message Posted:
31/10/2008 19:57

Just painted my wellies silver and put them outside my front door.............If the little f****** think Gary Glitter lives here they wont come near the door!!!