Joke: Being English

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
27/06/2011 18:05

Being English is about driving a german car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV. And most of all being suspicious of anything Foreign. Oh and.. Only in England .. Can you get a pizza to your home faster than an ambulance. Only in England do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counter. Supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their fags at the front. We might be english but by f--k we're funny!

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
27/06/2011 19:08

2 Paki women talking, one says to the other, "i've been in England for 6 weeks and i can already speak Polish".

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
27/06/2011 19:20

I went into the chemist the other day loooking for deodorant and the girl behind the counter asked 'ball or aerosol' 'Just my armpits thanks' I replied.

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
27/06/2011 22:29

Mssg 2 - I think the less contentious and certainly correct term is Pakistani....

JohhnyLee


Joined: 25/04/2009
Posts: 2495

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 08:40

Message 4 I have no objection to being called a Brit. Its an abreviation. (Not an insult)

spider


Joined: 03/01/2009
Posts: 5527

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 09:20

Hay Tootie............You been spending too much time with NN Tssk !









Spider,X

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 12:52

Whatever suits you Jonesy. Its funny tho.

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 13:09

JohhnyLee, I doesn't bother me either lol.

Ok. 2 'Pakistani ladies' talking, one says to the other, "i've been in England for 6 weeks and i can already speak Polish. Hows that?

We 'Brits' 'Poms' 'Limeys' etc. are called a lot of things, mostly derogatory. The majority of us don't give a t-ss and just laugh.

Unfortunately some people are born with a sense of humour failure. I certainly wasn't.

martinD41


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 3001

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 14:04

In the Channel Island of Guernsey we have a name for Brit's which goes back to the days of queen Elizabeth I.



can anyone guess the name....???............

Smity



Joined: 14/09/2009
Posts: 826

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 21:29

Does it start with a P and end with an I

martinD41


Joined: 06/09/2010
Posts: 3001

Message Posted:
28/06/2011 23:16

No it's French and starts with an M ,first word and a C ,second word ,and it has animal connections...Oh! and it is not particularly nice ..

phylray



Joined: 21/09/2007
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 00:28

My Turkish friend had an altercation with a rather officious member of staff and he asked her

where she came from. (She is a true patriot so declared her country) She asked him where he

was from and he told her he was British. She replied "Oh, I thought you were Paki" He went

ballistic, and she had no idea or intention of insulting him, she assumed it was just an abbreviation!

Dreamydiver



Joined: 30/08/2010
Posts: 306

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 00:40

martin4d.... am waiting for the answer to be revealed! Or am I the only one who doesn't get it?

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 09:06

If forum members think that 'Paki' is by no means a derogatory term (or think it is no more harmless or less friendly than 'Brit') then continue to use that term. I just think it's not a term that deserves such support...and certainly not hidden behind an excuse '...that is it just a joke so lighten up' or the Bernard Manning approach is acceptable etc.

Just my personal view - back to the jokes please.

Jonesy299


Joined: 07/02/2009
Posts: 367

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 09:43

p.s. I do have a sense of humour (honest) and the punchline was funny!

JohhnyLee


Joined: 25/04/2009
Posts: 2495

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 11:15

Would a Scottish person mind being called a Scott? I would not have thought so.



My wife calls me Dirty Old Man. I take offence at the Old.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 11:22

My Wilderbeest (bless her) keeps saying to me "for God's sake !!" and I always tell her not to try to curry favour, "Sir" will do.

Smity



Joined: 14/09/2009
Posts: 826

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 12:34

When we were kids how many of us had nicknames that may have been a bit differant, we had nick names for people at school like Nobber, wingnut, bogbrush, dinga, bally,

What were was your nickname at school mine was crispy

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 15:02

Jonsey, Bernard Manning was just plain disgusting!

My favourite comedian was Charlie ("If you don't shut up, I'll come and move in next door to you) Williams MBE. A black man with a Yorkshire accent and his first-hand experience of life in the British working class made him unmistakable.

His comedy included jokes about "Asians, Africans & West indians". His reinforcement of his audience's prejudices and negative race stereotypes was a necessary product of the environment and time in which his career began, typified by a resurgent National Front. This guy was brilliant, especially when he upset the politically correctors by defending the Robertson's Golliwogg trade mark.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 15:34

At school I was known as Gay Gay Graham implying a carefree (and reckless) attitude towards the school and teachers. Thank goodness my school days ended in the 1950s before the word "gay" was kidnapped by those of a different sexual orientation. I have since always denied that I was expelled for stealing an apple. I also claim that the Amstrad and the Hewlett Packard were "planted" in my satchel !

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 17:25

deputydawg .. What planet did you go to school on ..



Thank goodness my school days ended in the 1950s .................. the Amstrad and the Hewlett Packard were "planted" in my satchel !



Wasn't even a biro in schools in the 50's .. More than likely a "dip in inkwell" was planted ..

wormy



Joined: 24/05/2010
Posts: 31

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 17:38

martin4d.... am waiting for the answer to be revealed! Or am I the only one who doesn't get it?



not sure what the "m" initial stands for but I'd guess the "c" word is cochon. French for pig.

gallop


Joined: 12/12/2010
Posts: 75

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 19:42

dip in the inkwell. Not in the school i was evacuated to in Wales. Slate and slate pencils there.

deputydawg


Joined: 30/03/2010
Posts: 1727

Message Posted:
29/06/2011 19:45

Harita. It was a joke ! You forgot to mention calculators too.

harita


Joined: 14/08/2008
Posts: 1343

Message Posted:
30/06/2011 00:33

Never even thought about calculators ..

Used log tables & slide rules .. No slide rules allowed for GCE exams ..

Got my first calculator in 1978 & what a godsend that was ..



gallop .. There could have been a "period" on your school timetable where you had to mine it ..