negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 09:52

A blind man walks into a store with his guide dog.....



All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head.



The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?"



The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 09:53

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says.



"Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."



The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them.



She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to install these blinds?"

Ralph96



Joined: 01/07/2008
Posts: 531

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 11:15

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million

tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own

oil.

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 12:33

My new girlfriend has just starred in a porn film on the internet.



She'll go crazy when she finds out...

Hoylemiller



Joined: 03/09/2010
Posts: 240

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 12:39

A recent Questionnaire asked - Are there too many immigrants in Britain?

17% said Yes.

11% said No.

72% said "I am not understanding the question please".

jacroy1


Joined: 04/08/2010
Posts: 127

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 15:09

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

dandd3


Joined: 10/06/2010
Posts: 326

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 19:01

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."



She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"



A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

dandd3


Joined: 10/06/2010
Posts: 326

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 19:03

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

tighmonadh


Joined: 06/10/2010
Posts: 40

Message Posted:
10/08/2011 19:53

Stop Press





Tottenham have just signed a new Italian striker - Grabatelly

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
11/08/2011 16:30

Just seen a black 80's soul singer running down the road with a 50 inch plasma TV..



I think it was Looter Vandross.

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
11/08/2011 16:36

My wife said, "How would you describe me?"



I said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."



She said, "What does that mean?"



I said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot."



She smiled and said, "That's so sweet, but what about I, J, and K?"



I said, "I'm just kidding."

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
11/08/2011 18:32

My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"



I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."



She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"



I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
11/08/2011 19:13

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2:





If I wanted to spend £7 to see a specky lover, a ginger nice person and a hot girl I'd like to ****,



I'd pay my child support.

philbailey


Joined: 17/01/2011
Posts: 3534

Message Posted:
11/08/2011 22:50

Bloody BlackBerry predictive text. I only texted a few of my North London mates asking if they fancied a pint.

negativenick


Joined: 10/11/2008
Posts: 6023

Message Posted:
12/08/2011 07:38

one for Johnny Lee:





A Chinese old man was lying in bed with is wife.

"How long have we been married?" asked the old guy of his wife.

"44 years."

"Yes. In 44 years, I made the money to buy this spacious penthouse, a fully loaded BMW and the 58-inch plasma TV." he continued.

"You did rather well, I must say."

"44 years ago, I lived in a leaky shed, rode a raggedy bike and listened to an AM radio. I slept with a 21-year old hot chick." he recounted.

"Those were the days."

"Now I sleep with a 65-year old woman." he sighed.

"No problem. Find yourself a 21-year old hot chick....... I'll make sure you end up with a leaky shed, a raggedy bike and an AM radio."

marydoll19


Joined: 15/10/2010
Posts: 45

Message Posted:
16/08/2011 06:55

Well here it is, THE very last post from Neg Nick The TRNC - Full of liars, cheats and foolhardy purchasers lacking enough common sense to realise they have been hood winked big time The vast majority of properties....



PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, say you are telling the truth this time

dinner-dave


Joined: 14/08/2011
Posts: 48

Message Posted:
16/08/2011 16:18

message 16, thats very rude and breaks furum rules.



maybe a ban is on the cards ?

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
16/08/2011 16:19

This thread is now closed. Reason: Thread was serving no purpose.

No1Doyen


Joined: 04/07/2008
Posts: 16617

Message Posted:
16/08/2011 16:19

This thread is now closed. Reason: Thread was serving no purpose.