Joke: An American walks into an Irish pub,,

Tootie


Joined: 28/08/2008
Posts: 2037

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 18:35

An American walks into an Irish pub and says, "I'll give anyone 500 dollars if they can drink 10 Guinness's in 10 minutes."



Most people just ignore the absurd bet and go back to their conversations.



One man even leaves the bar.



A little while later the bloke that left comes back and asks the American, "Is that bet still on?"



"Sure." So the bartender lines 10 Guinness's up on the bar the Irishman drinks them all in less than 10 minutes.



As the American hands over the money he asks, "Where did you go when you just left?"



The Irishman answers, "I went next door to the other pub to see if I could do it."

Breamli


Joined: 02/01/2011
Posts: 28

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 19:41

How does one interpret this:

A - The Irishman is typical of all Irish, because he can drink a lot

or

B - The Irishman is stupid, because he will now have drunk twenty pints.

or

C -The Irishman is clever, because he is fooling the American into thinking that he has drunk twenty pints.

Maybe, I shouldn't evaluate it so much

cyprusjoker


Joined: 29/08/2009
Posts: 1107

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 20:15

Would you believe i know an irishman that can do this, a lot of you won't believe me and can understand why, but i can tell you ive seen it with my own 2 eyes. 10 pints that is.

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:20

Another RACIST IRISH JOKE....................



















AND hey cj..... When did you meet my husband ?????





I heard that you matched it and saw it with your own FOUR EYES.......HA HA HA HA.......

bignobby


Joined: 13/01/2011
Posts: 46

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:23

Paddy says to Mick, “Jeez, I’m ready for me holiday … but this year I’m going to do it a bit different.

Three years ago I went to Spain - and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago I went to Italy - and Mary

got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca - and again Mary got pregnant.”



Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?”



Paddy replies, “Oi think Oi'll take her wid me!”

bignobby


Joined: 13/01/2011
Posts: 46

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:25

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year" ...



Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:28

VG... Keep em comin....

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:30

bally at least we can laugh at ourselves . xxxxxxxxxxx

bignobby


Joined: 13/01/2011
Posts: 46

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:34

Paddy and Mick find three grenades, so they decide to take them to a police station.



Mick says, "What if one explodes before we get there?"



Paddy: "We’ll lie and say we only found two."

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:35

AND...



A wee bit of OIRISH fur ye to larn. Say it slowly word by word.



WHAILE







OILLE





BEEFEE





HOOKEDD



IF you English can do joined up talkin' now say it fast....

newlad



Joined: 02/03/2008
Posts: 7819

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:37

Lol bally,



Paul.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:38

Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'







Paddy says 'Whats his name?'







Mick replies 'Miles from London!'



Declaration:



No offence to Irish, Scottish, Enlgish, Men, Women, Dog's, Cat's or dead people.

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:44

Since it's past the watershed can we have DURTY ones? I don't want to get banned.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:44

Winston & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbour's dog is barking like mad in the garden. winston says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.







He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'







Winston replies 'I've put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:48

Bally I even said it in Oirsh. xxx good one

bignobby


Joined: 13/01/2011
Posts: 46

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:51

Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole

street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."



Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

bignobby


Joined: 13/01/2011
Posts: 46

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:52

Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of

a tractor. Mick says, "Jaysus Paddy, what in hell d’yis t’ink yer doing?"



Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately and the therapist

recommended I do something sexy to attracter.....

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 21:59

'The prime minister held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 22:14

Bridie & Mick meet in the Old Folks Home and really get on together.



Mick fancies his chances and takes Bridie out a few times to wine and dine her.



After the 4TH date Bridie asks him back to her room and nature takes it's course.



In the mellow time after Mick is thinking...........







Jaez, If I'd known she was a virgin I'd have been more gentle...









Bridie is thinking....





Jaez, If I'd known he could still do it.....













I'd have taken me tights off.

Ballyboffin


Joined: 25/08/2007
Posts: 903

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 22:17

lol x bignob. RVG

bignobby


Joined: 13/01/2011
Posts: 46

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 22:59

five secrets to a perfect relationship

1 Its important to have a woman who helps at home & knows how to clean cook and has a job

2 Its important to have a woman who can make you laugh

3 its important to have a woman you can trust and only wants you

4 its important to have a woman who is good in bed & enjoys being with you

5 Its absolutely vital that these 4 women don't know each other

joseph


Joined: 17/04/2008
Posts: 709

Message Posted:
22/08/2011 23:29

Mick tells Paddy he's off on his holidays tomorrow and asks him if he wants him to bring him back some cigs.

Yes please is the answer.



Two weeks later Mick arrives home, meets up with Paddy and hands over two cartons of Benson&Hedges.



Ah wonderful says Paddy .. how much do I owe you Mick?



£128.60 he replies..



Bloody hell that's expensive ... where did you go?



Butlins.. says Mick