Subject: Tale of the Irish Sausage

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 17:21

Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't



have a lot of money between them, they could only



raise the staggering sum of one Euro.







Murphy said "Hang on, I have an idea."







He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out



with one large sausage.







Shamus said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any



money left at all!"







Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."







He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two



pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whisky.







Shamus said "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much



trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"







Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry, I have a



plan, Cheers!"







They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick



the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees



and put it in your mouth."







The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them



out.







They continued this, pub after pub,

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 17:23

They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and



more drunk, all for free.







At the tenth pub Shamus said "Murphy - I don't think I



can do any more of this. I'm drunk and me knees are



killin'me!"







Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the



sausage in the third pub.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 18:02

Shamus and Murphy were working on a building site, Shamus said to Murphy "i'm sick of this i'm going to get the afternoon off" he then climed to the top of the building hooked his legs over a beam and shouted "i'm a light bulb, i'm a light bulb" The forman on the site shouted "go home Shamus your mad" so Murphy put his coat on, the forman said "where do you think your going murphy I only sent shamus home" to which Murphy replied, "I can't work in the dark".

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 18:10

AAAgh britvic............

Mellie


Joined: 30/01/2008
Posts: 145

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 18:42

I loved the sausage joke, must remember that one for the girls night out!!!!

jonnytwoscoop



Joined: 27/08/2008
Posts: 142

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 18:45

One day a passer by was watching two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.



"Tell me," said the passerby, "What on earth are you doing?"



"Well," said the digger,"Usually there are three of us. I dig, Paddy plants the tree and Mick fills in the hole. Today Paddy is off ill, but that doesn't mean Mick and I get the day off, does it?

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 18:48

Didi you hear the one about the Englishman ?

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 18:50

I'll Try again,



Did you hear the one about the Englishman ?

cruggs


Joined: 06/04/2008
Posts: 498

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 20:06

come on tiggy lets have it,being english or british means we can laugh at ourself,s as well,there must be irish joke,s about the english.

jonnytwoscoop



Joined: 27/08/2008
Posts: 142

Message Posted:
17/11/2008 20:43

Paddy was building a garden shed and he ran out of nails so he went to the hardware store to buy some more.

"How long do you want them?" asked the storekeeper.

"Oh, I need to keep them," replied Paddy.

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 02:01

Cruggs, to be honest I have never heard any. seems like we have a few "Jim Davison" wannabees....and he was a right tosser!



People try and make the Irish out to be thick....but unlike a lot of people here they are not so stupid or racist.



If you replace "Paddy" with Winston, Tarquin and other good old limey names in to the Irish jokes you and others would not find them funny. All the Irish jokes have had their day and are old and really sad.



this forum is to have serious forum and light hearted fun, jokes etc, but I do not see the Irish being the butt of sad idiots so called jokes, something to find amusing.



Can we not have ones, without trying to make a race look stupid.



Slaince,



Padraig.

carmel


Joined: 18/03/2008
Posts: 206

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 10:13

OK Padraig - start by spelling Slainte correctly!!

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 10:57

Well you are the eejit here I'm afraid Carmel.



Picking up on someone’s spelling is pretty low.

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 11:14

hi tiggy we are lucky enough to be irish and we dont take ourselves too seriously thats what sets us apart at least we can laught at ourselves without fear of polictal correctness.i loved the joke lilli

Lilli



Joined: 21/07/2008
Posts: 13081

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 11:15

hi navek you have given me a good laugh keep them coming and as an irish woman i do not take offence, we can laugh at ourselves thank you lilli

Skogsy


Joined: 15/05/2008
Posts: 339

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 12:08

Went into me local papershop in Dublin.



"Got todays newspaper"? I asked.

"No we havent" was the reply, "Only yesterdays".

"I want todays paper please".

"Well come back tomorrow".



All with a smile.

Skogsy

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 12:52

Winston and Tarquin were working on a building site when Winston said "i'm sick of this I'm going to get the afternoon off" he then climed to the top of the building hooked his legs over a beam and shouted "i'm a light bulb, i'm a light bulb" The forman on the site shouted "go home Winston your mad" so Tarquin put his coat on, the forman said "where do you think your going Tarquin I only sent Winston home" to which Tarquin replied, "I can't work in the dark"!



There you go Tiggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

breezyboy


Joined: 14/05/2007
Posts: 1179

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:15

Mehmet and Christofias were working on a building site, Mehmet said to Christofias "i'm sick of this i'm going to get the afternoon off" he then climbed to the top of the building hooked his legs over a beam and shouted "i'm a light bulb, i'm a light bulb" The forman on the site shouted "go home Mehmet your mad" so Christofias put his coat on, the forman said "where do you think your going Christofias I only sent Mehmet home" to which Christofias replied, "I can't work in the dark".



Is that better? Anyway all my Irish friends tell the same jokes about Kerrymen. Dont know who Kerrymen tell jokes about!

Skogsy


Joined: 15/05/2008
Posts: 339

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:16

Britvic

Now that was really funny. Sort of told how it should be told.



Skogsy

Skogsy


Joined: 15/05/2008
Posts: 339

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:18

Breezyboy

Now that was silly. Britvic had it sorted.

Or, there were these two blokes called Patrick and..nar. Too much.

Skogsy

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:23

Well I suppose "Thick & Mick" do go together.



Kerrymen jokes are mainly made by Cork people and seem to be interbred.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:34

Who's Mick?

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:36

You could be Mickette!

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:37

You having a go at me Tiggy?

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:43

As If........How would that be if you do not know what a " Mick" is ?



Tell us a few more English jokes to keep us entertained whilst you work it out.



msg 17.....There you go Britvic !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:46

My Dad's bigger than your Dad!

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 13:50

May well be now.



My father passed away in 1999.

britvic



Joined: 05/09/2008
Posts: 3039

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 14:19

Sorry to hear that Tiggy, I lost my Mother, Father, Step-Dad and an Aunt in 2006, very tragic, luckily for me though my sense of humour didn't go with them!

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 17:01

Britvic, we are both lucky to still have our sense of humour then!



Keep smiling.



T.

PtePike



Joined: 20/05/2008
Posts: 2334

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 17:46

tiggy: "...we are both lucky to still have our sense of humour then!"



And with your former virgin convertor and Kapparis Kid identities, yours is a particularly subtle and sophisticated sense of humour.

Tiggy


Joined: 25/07/2007
Posts: 1994

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 17:51

Thanks Pte *rick.



You certainly know your stuff. look forwrd to more crap from you.

Kapparis Kid


Joined: 03/09/2008
Posts: 18

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 17:54

Hay pieks, houza abouets levin da tigs alones. ees a grate geezas!



KK

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 18:35

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party.

He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his

bald head and his wooden leg

so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit.

The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and,

with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 18:36

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized

his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.

A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note,

which says:

Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a monk's costume.

The long robe will cover your wooden leg and,

with your bald head, you will really look the part.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 18:37

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from

emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head

so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small parcel and a note, which reads:



Dear Sir,

Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.

Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts,

stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Navek



Joined: 01/06/2008
Posts: 2656

Message Posted:
18/11/2008 18:40

Hope all the Irish. English etc,

are not offended in any way at all

PS sorry to any CARaMEL's out there