just a few jokes to kep us smiling

boroles


Joined: 28/11/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 05:29

A pretty young gypsy girl knocked on my door and asked if I had any old clothing. I said yes, but asked what I would get in return. She said I could play with her breasts.I thought, that’s fair, tit for tat.

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I’m in trouble with the wife. We were in bed naked and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.Apparently “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer.

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Why men shouldn’t be Agony aunts.Dear Phil left home for work last week and after less than a mile my car stalled and wouldn’t start. I walked back to my house and found my husband in bed with our 19 year old babysitter. They announced that the affair had been going on for two years. Can you help me…I’m desperate.

Dear Reader The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel lines. Hope this helps.Phil.

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After both suffering from

magicart


Joined: 05/10/2008
Posts: 985

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 08:37

How do you pull a fat bird?



Its a piece of cake!!!

scootex



Joined: 03/03/2009
Posts: 908

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 14:54

My wife looked at me as I got out of the shower and said could I get one of those penis enlargers. So I did. she's 21 and called Lucy .

NCMan



Joined: 19/09/2009
Posts: 670

Message Posted:
27/10/2011 15:41

‎1. The first is 'Smurf' Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you're blue in the face.

2. The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.

3. The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You've calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.

4. The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, ‘F**k you!’

5. There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

NCMan



Joined: 19/09/2009
Posts: 670

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 08:07

Back to the top.

boroles


Joined: 28/11/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 08:30

Did you here about the man who finally figured out women?

He died of laughing before he could tell anyone.



Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come, they’re wet and wild, and when they’ve gone they take your house and car with them



Why do they call it P.M.S.???

Because the term "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.



Why are hangovers better then women?

A hangover will go away.

boroles


Joined: 28/11/2010
Posts: 93

Message Posted:
28/10/2011 08:37

Things Most Women Will Never Say



You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.

That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again?

I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.

That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.

I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more.

I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentines day!

Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.

I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.