joke by myself horice styler

mcstyler


Joined: 15/08/2011
Posts: 205

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 10:51

It was the postmans's last day before retirement after forty years service on the same estate in london, where he had to work in all weather conditions.

When he arrived at his first house on his round the whole family were waiting at the door to wish him well and he left with a big gift envelope.

At the second house he posted there letters then noticed a bottle of the strong stuff with his name on it on the doorstep so he picked it up had a quick swig put the bottle in his sack and moved on.

At the third house he was met at the door by a stunning women, with fish net stockings and crutch less knickers on, she grabbed him pulled him up to her bedroom to give him the time of his life, he blows his beans after two minutes and she then takes him downstairs and cooks him a full english with a freshly squeezed orange juice, when he is full up she then makes him a coffee, as she is pouring it he notices a twenty pound note stuck to the bottom of the mug, so he says to her today has been gr

mcstyler


Joined: 15/08/2011
Posts: 205

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 10:59

great but what is the twenty spot for, and she replied well i knew it was your last day today so last night i spoke to my husband and i said we should do something special for you, i asked him what to give you and he said



F**k him, give him twenty pounds



then she said breakfast was my idea.

jock1



Joined: 06/01/2008
Posts: 3786

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 12:02

I think a postman's job is the best in the world..you get paid to empty your sack every day.........

mcstyler


Joined: 15/08/2011
Posts: 205

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 12:24

That is correct jock, i'm not a postman but i manage to do with the help of my good friend palmela

mikey53


Joined: 21/08/2011
Posts: 91

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 13:29

Nice joke mc, staying on that same theme somewhat, I had a fill in job as a barman about 10yrs ago in Kent, a postie was filling in Xmas cards at the bar when I commented that he had quite a lot of friends, he informed me these were not friends, but customers. I said oh, he then went on to say this little gesture just gives his round a reminder of his existence and all round year service ! In fact it annually manages to pay for his Family's summer holidays some £ 2k. I thought very enterprising, I however always looked after the binmen and postman at Xmas. However moving down to North Cornwall I used a social club, it being Xmas I mentioned the Xmas bonus to the local postie, he informed me he's only ever got 3 'Tips' a fiver from an ex Lononder, a bottle of bath salts (opened by the way) and a chocolate santa seems The Cornish are a mean bunch, having lived amongst them for over 7 yrs, I can confirm this in my opinion is sadly the case !!

mcstyler


Joined: 15/08/2011
Posts: 205

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 13:44

I lived in cornwall for a year, to be honest half of them may not have known it was christmas.

mcstyler


Joined: 15/08/2011
Posts: 205

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 14:59

cornishman takes his daughter to the doctors and tells the doctor she has morning sickness, the doctor asks is she sexually active, the father replies, is she f**k she just lies there like her mother.

mcstyler


Joined: 15/08/2011
Posts: 205

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 15:02

woman buys a cucumber in a grocers the man at the till says would you like it sliced my love, women replies whys that i a have a fanny not a slot machine.

Enrico


Joined: 07/12/2008
Posts: 209

Message Posted:
03/11/2011 16:41

My wife said that I should get a penis enlarger, so I did.

She is 21 years old and her name is Lucy.



I was horrified when I found that my wife was having an affair.

I found comfort in religion when I converted to Islam.

We are stoning her in the morning